


Within a Year

by Amaryllis (Nelioe)



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Fíli, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bad Decisions, Dwalin is Fíli's father, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fighting for Forgiveness, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Knotting, Lies, Loss of Trust, M/M, Manipulation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Omega Kíli, Sacrifice, Threats, Verbal Abuse, background bagginshield, gender-based discrimination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-01 05:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 51,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8610832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Amaryllis
Summary: Kili was born into a privileged family, always assuming it would change his life for the better in a country that saw alphas as superior. When he comes of age, though, he finds himself faced with an arranged marriage he can't escape. At least not without using Fili and possibly ruining their friendship for good.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a weird little idea that attacked me out of the blue in October and which I pretty much wrote down within a week. I'm not sure if anyone will end up reading it, but if you do, I hope you enjoy it. :')

 

 

Kili looked the massive dining table suspiciously. Since Thorin had left Thrain hadn’t been particularly interested in his grandson and suddenly these strange gatherings started to become more frequent now that he had come of age. First the big party to his birthday he’d organised – which Kili hadn’t been thankful for at all, he’d wanted to party with his mates and not practise small talk with some snobby business people – and now this dinner. Sure, the food looked delicious, most of it even was stuff he liked – pasta for example – and not that disgusting rich people kerfuffle. Kili didn’t care if escargots were a delicacy, he certainly wouldn’t eat snails!

All the more strange was this sight, as if someone wanted to please him. It immediately put him on alert. Especially as there were only two seats. Thrain wanted to talk to him privately, not even their personal servants were allowed to be present. It almost felt like a limb was missing.

From the day he’d turned sixteen - a terrible time for a young omega, in which the body developed and his smell began to attract other alphas - Fili had been by his side. Being a personal servant for people with money was pretty much the job description of a general drudge. Fili drove him to school, acted as his bodyguard, accompanied him to parties or was simply there to keep him company. It was important to have a friendship-like relationship with a personal servant, otherwise things like this couldn’t work and therefore Kili had been very careful, when choosing a suitable candidate. They needed to be in control of their instincts, needed stamina and at least a basic knowledge in self-defence and had to agree to crazy working hours. In return the payment was more than most people could dream of.

Fili needed that job to pay off a debt, as far as Dwalin, Fili’s father, had told Kili. It had something to do with student loans and trusting the wrong friend with an even worse investment. The brunet didn’t really care why Fili had applied for the job, as long as he did what was asked of him and stayed his good friend. Right now Kili missed his servant's encouraging smile.

He had taken a seat and helped himself to a huge glass of wine that he’d almost drunken in one go with nerves, when the door on the other side of the glamorous dining hall opened and Thrain entered. His grandfather was smiling patronizingly, telling Kili that another glass of wine was in order.

Kili wasn’t scared of Thrain, not completely at least, but he had never really managed to see through that man. He could be warm and affectionate, at least that was how he’d welcomed him after Dís’ death, when Kili came to live with him at the age of nine, but other times, when he wasn’t succeeding in school, his grandfather could be raging like a storm. Thrain hadn’t cared much for his teenage rebellion, as long as his marks were all right and the press had no reason to gossip about him. He had freedom and got everything he wanted, money never being an issue for this grandfather. Therefore he couldn’t complain about anything, besides lacking affection from his family.

This new found interest couldn’t be good. Kili wasn’t stupid, his life as the heir of a successful business never allowing depraved idiocy. He knew that, as an omega, he hadn’t the same rights alphas and betas had in society. He would be on the same level with women, when it came to applying for jobs. “ _So young? So you will carry a child soon and drop out for some months. Our company can’t afford that.”_   Along with other classics: _“That age and no children? Then that will soon change, the biologic clock is ticking.” “Two kids? So you can’t work whenever we need you? And what when they get sick, is there someone to take care of them besides you? Only the husband? Does he have a job?” “We’re very sorry, but without experience in this job, we can’t hire you.”_ Kili almost snorted at the thought, what kind of experience if people like him weren’t hired in the first place because of the whole children issue?

God, he hoped Thrain just wanted to talk with him about his future plans, like which study programme to choose. At least in Erebor there should wait a job for him. What good would being an heir to that company otherwise be?

Kili didn’t hesitate when his grandfather asked him to begin eating, filled his plate with all kinds of his favourites and refilled his wine glass. The older man frowned upon the amount he put into the glass, but desisted from commenting it. By the time the brunet had emptied the third glass, the bottle began to feel far too light when he reached for it again, in turn the tension slowly drained from him.

The next half-hour was spent with small talk, one thing more trivial than the other and this, combined with the food and the alcohol in his system, lured him into a false sense of security.

“You probably wonder why I asked you to have dinner with me tonight,” Thrain said eventually.

Kili nodded tiredly. Ugh, he had eaten far too much and could really use a nap.

“You have come of age not long ago and I’m happy to announce to you that I’ve found the perfect spouse for you.”

All tiredness fled his body as the meaning finally seeped into his sluggish mind. Instantly Kili sat up straight and stared at his grandfather in disbelief.

“A… a spouse? Why… why a spouse?” he stammered bewildered.

“Oh, my dear boy,” he chuckled as if he couldn’t believe Kili’s naïveté. “You are an omega and of age. Marrying you off to someone is the next natural step.”

His heart was pounding so hard in his chest, the brunet was surprised Thrain didn’t feel the need to speak louder under its deafening noise. That couldn’t be true. That couldn’t be happening. He’d just come of age! He was just being called an adult! He couldn’t be married off to some stranger!

“But I’m the heir, am I not?” Kili asked with a slight hint of panic audible in his voice.

Thrain nodded with a smile.

“You are and as the heir you have to ensure many more are to come, so that our company can continue its great work for many generations.”

“But… but doesn’t that have time? I haven’t even taken over the management yet,” Kili tried to argue.

This time roaring laughter erupted from Thrain’s throat. Kili could find nothing funny with his reply, but started to regret drinking so much wine, shaking and nauseous he was barely able to understand what was happening. He’d known his life would be difficult, yet he had hoped being born into such a rich family would offer some advantages. Instead he seemed to have spent his last years with hunting an illusion.

“Taking over the management? You? How do you think that would work? Once the first child is in your belly you will drop out. You can’t leave the company without management for that long and I won’t have a vice managing my company. Your great-grandfather and I haven’t worked so hard for this company to give it into the hands of the first ambitious alpha. No, it will stay in the family and you will do your bit,” the last part was hissed with so much spite Kili couldn’t help but wince.

“I won’t marry some stranger!” Kili refused defiantly.

Thrain’s expression darkened. Kili wasn’t relenting so easily, though, not once breaking eye contact he glared at his grandfather with the same amount of disgust the other had to hold for him right now was well.

“His name is Azog White. His company Orc has a monopoly position just like Erebor, so he knows how to manage a business. There, now he isn’t a stranger anymore,” Thrain sneered.

If the situation hadn’t been so serious, Kili might have laughed. Azog? That guy was a skunk! In every interview he appeared, he showed no respect for the work of others and the only reason he had a monopoly position was because he exported weapons into every corner of the earth. That guy was everything Kili despised and besides…

“That guy is older than my father!” he protested.

His grandfather simply nodded. “Indeed. He is in serious need of an heir for his company as well, so he will make short work and solve Erebor and Orc’s problem quickly, I reckon.”

It took all of Kili’s volition, to prevent himself from vomiting all over the carpet to his feet, at hearing his grandfather giving Azog his blessing to violate Kili.

“I won’t marry him!” the brunet exclaimed, getting up so vigorously the chair he’d been sitting on crashed to the floor.

“You have no say in this matter! You will marry him. The announcement will be made during Erebor’s next charity event. I don’t care if you want to marry or continue with your little rebellious phase. I have been forgiving and let you act like you please, but now it’s your time to repay me and you will.”

Kili already opened his mouth to protest, but a fist hitting the table and making the dishes clatter with its force, silenced him.

“You seem to forget, what you are. You are an omega. You have no rights in that matter. So, I advise you, to accept this decision and start to behave again. Azog won’t be as gracious as I am.”

And with that Thrain dabbed his mouth with a napkin, ere he got up, almost offensively slow and left the room, leaving Kili to his rage and desperation. The scream sitting in the brunet’s throat, only fought its way free once he was alone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili was waiting for him, when he returned later than usual. For a while Kili had fought with the urge to smash every little piece of furniture in the dining all, then had decided that a little bit of crying was an order and by the time he felt composed enough, Kili was lingering in a strange state of numbness and resistance.

“Kili! Are you alright?” the blond wondered worriedly.

He shrugged, not in the mood to repeat what Thrain had told him, fearing it would make the tears come back. He didn’t want to cry, he wanted to rage and to scream until his lung gave out. Just imagining the future as Azog’s spouse filled his insides with dread and nausea. This couldn’t be happening. Kili knew that there weren’t many rights in his favour, but he couldn’t be everyone’s puppet. There had to be something he could do.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” even to him his voice sounded hollow. “You can go home now. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting, you must be tired.”

“It’s fine, Kili. You know I don’t mind. It feels more like spending time with a friend than working, remember?” Fili said softly, drawing a small smile to Kili’s lips.

Having Fili’s support meant more than his friend and servant probably knew, especially during a moment like this. Still, talking wasn’t something he felt up to right now.

“I know. I will tell you what happened, just… not tonight. Tonight I would like to be alone.”

Looking him over worriedly, the blond waited for Kili to change his mind, as he often did in the past. This time, though, he wasn’t going to do him this favour. He hadn’t even come to terms with what happened himself, he couldn’t deal with Fili’s helpless anger on top of it.

Realising Kili meant what he’d said, Fili nodded at last, before pulling him in a brief but tight hug.

“Okay. I will see you on Monday, then.”

Right… tomorrow was Fili’s day off. He had half a mind to confess everything Thrain had confronted him with, regardless how much he would miss the alphas presence very soon. However, there were some things he had to figure out on his own.

“Okay, see you on Monday,” he agreed with a small nod.

They waved goodbye and then Kili was left alone in the silence of his chamber. Heaving a deep sigh, he padded over to his laptop. If there was any way he could stop the announcement from happening, Kili was ready to pay pretty much every price. There couldn't be anything worse than marrying Azog.

He snorted scornfully, when he thought of the charity event. Promising his grandson to this guy, while asking for donations that should help people in war zone…, the hypocrisy would sit in the middle of the room and cheer. Thrain had lost his fucking mind! Kili didn’t have much contact with his grandfather in the years Dis had still been alive, so he couldn’t say if Thrain had always been such a dick. In the end it didn’t matter, he was an arsehole now, the past wasn’t important.

The first few pages about arranged marriages of omegas weren’t really uplifting, once the laptop had booted, and Kili found himself sliding closer to despair with every sentence he read. Googling the section of law, approving of this medieval nonsense forced the brunet to close his lids for a couple of seconds to take some deep, calming breaths to go along with it.

It took longer than he would’ve liked to compose himself. Hesitantly, Kili’s eyes wandered to the line that was called _exceptions_.

_The omega/woman may refuse the arranged marriage, if they are already promised to another party._

Kili grimaced. Well, that wouldn’t work. Never expecting to be sold into an arranged marriage made him pretty sure that there was no one else he was promised to. Besides, his mother would’ve never done something like that to him, so there was only Azog.

_The omega/woman may refuse if they are in love with another party and agree to take on a test to prove the sincerity of their intention._

Great, he wasn’t in love either and who knew how these tests worked, many people were bribable after all and if someone could afford it, then Thrain or Azog. Therefore faking a love affair wasn’t an option.

_The omega/woman may refuse if they are carrying a child and the husband-to-be isn’t the father._

That was it? Those were the three exceptions? Yes, sure, it was nice that they acknowledged love and gave it greater meaning than an arranged marriage, but no other options? No possibility to escape a violent arsehole and putative rapist? What the hell was wrong with this world? Kili was a human like anyone else! Just because he was born with the parts to conceive children didn’t make him a freak or second class citizen! There was red blood running through his veins and he was an independent-minded being. He was no goddamn slave!

And yet he would end up as one and there was nothing he could do against it.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Kili couldn’t stop his thoughts from revolving around what the future as Azog’s spouse would hold for him and every time he felt nauseous and kind of dirty afterwards. Fili was casting him worried glances whenever he noticed one of the brunet’s depressed moods. The servant had come to know him as a mostly happy young man, loud and bold, one who didn’t keep his opinion to himself. Since his _talk_ with Thrain, though, Kili had a hard time to find that young carefree lad. It was buried somewhere, deep inside him under dread and desperation.

He could tell that Fili wanted to ask him, wanted to learn what was changing him, but of course he didn’t. The blond was far too considerate and regardless if they were friends, this was still a job for Fili. A job that didn’t demand him to know everything and so he probably thought, whatever Kili didn’t dare to tell him, was simply beyond his salary class.

More often than not Kili read articles about Azog White or watched old interviews with him. His attitude hadn’t changed in years and even today he represented the same derogative opinion, when it came to women and omegas. The only reason no one protested against his disgusting slogans was his money. If not even lawsuits because of bodily injuries were successful, how should one because of defamation fare any better?

There was no way on earth Kili would marry him. He knew law would force him and he knew he couldn’t escape, his face far too popular as Erebor’s heir to just run away like that, let alone the enhanced security, as if Thrain expected something like that, yet Kili wasn’t willing to give up. There was only one way that offered the possibility of saving him and he would clutch at it like a drowning man to a lifebelt.

For a month Kili’s mind was possessed by no other fears, so that he almost missed the first cramps taking hold him. Every quarter of the year, his heat would hit him. At least that was what he’d been told. This was only the second time he experienced it. With coming of age his first heat had hit him out of the blue. Oin afterwards claimed the smell of the many alphas must’ve triggered it, even though it would’ve only been a question of time, since omegas expected it to come around their eighteenth birthday.

Luckily he noticed the signs early enough, so he could call the old doctor in time. Oin was their family’s physician as long as Kili could remember. Today his job was merely to show the brunet once again how the contraceptive needed to be mixed so it would take full effect. It was common that either the parents or a medically skilled person took care of it, until the omega had memorised how to make it himself. Since the heats were always three months apart it sometimes could take a little while, it wasn’t like cooking spaghetti or anything, after all.

“Good morning,” Oin greeted him, as the old beta stepped into Kili’s chamber and headed for the little kitchenette.

Kili followed him without much enthusiasm. He was in pain, felt bloated and was beginning to sweat.

“How are you feeling? Already a little warm?” the other asked him, while unpacking the ingredients for the concoction.

“No, but I feel sweaty,” he told him honestly.

“Not long then,” the doctor mused, grabbing a pot and then took a step back to have the brunet look at the different kinds of leaves and roots. Kili got the hint and went for the first thing he remembered, taking the right amount and beginning to cut it, so it would fit more comfortably into the pot. “And Fili is going to assist you, I reckon.”

Kili nodded. “Yeah, just like the last time.”

That was part of Fili’s job description. It was something people were aware of when they applied for the position of a personal servant. Still, Kili wouldn’t have held it against him, had the blond refused. Instead is friend was very understanding and getting to know each other since the day the omega had turned sixteen had certainly helped. That way they were able to learn about each other and talk it through in a calm and unthreatened atmosphere. With Fili five years older and having already engaged in sexual activities, Kili also was aware that he was in experienced hands and oh, had Fili proved that during their first time. Overheated, oversensitive and achy, the alpha’s gentleness had taken all of his fears, allowing him to enjoy the way they moved together.

Heat shot to his cheeks at the thought. Inconspicuously Kili shifted closer to the worktop, to hide the growing hardness in his pants.

“That is good. The heat is a lot easier to bear that way,” Oin replied.

If he noticed the brunet’s sudden poor state he didn’t comment on it, which Kili was extremely grateful for. In hopes it would aid him to will the erection away, the omega tried to figure out how many to take of another set of leaves, while he sent the chopped ones into the pot. He reached for three and then, feeling unsure, went for another.

“Ah!” Oin stopped him. “Only three of them, if you don’t want to fight ugly side effects.”

Kili nodded once again. This was how he and the physician spent the next hour and by the time the pot was simmering on the stove plate, his face was flushed and he had to put his hair into a bun to cool his skin at least a little. His thin shirt stuck to his skin, already sweat-soaked. How he wished to claim it came only from the warmth of the simmering concoction, but it was only adding a little to his growing discomfort.

“Seems like we’ve finished not a second too soon,” Oin said, casting a glance at him before taking the pot from the stove. “You know what to do now?”

Fanning himself with one hand, the brunet replied: “Wait until it has cooled down and then drink it in one go.”

A pleased smile wandered to Oin’s lips.

“That’s a good lad,” patting him reassuringly on the back, the beta packed his stuff and bid him goodbye.

Kili waited exactly until the door snapped shut, ere he violently struggled out of his shirt and threw it to the ground. Geez, he was burning. Had the last heat also progressed so fast? He couldn’t remember regardless how hard he tried, his mind always slipping and going to the cramps. To think that Fili wouldn’t even be here until the evening, to make sure the contraceptive could take effect, seemed like torture right now.

Fighting his way out of his pants, Kili decided to lay down nakedly in front of the little kitchenette, at least here the cold tiles felt nice on his hot skin. Before he’d come of age Fili had suggested buying some toys, causing Kili to blush with embarrassment, arguing he didn’t need any and would be fine, right now he regretted this decision.

Kili spent the next two hours in a semi-awake state, sometimes rolling onto a different section of the tiles, to find a cooler spot. At least, though, until his phone began buzzing, announcing that enough time had passed and it was time to drink the concoction.

Struggling to his feet, Kili stared into the green brew. It wouldn’t taste as bad as it looked, this the brunet knew, but it was still not the stuff one would like to drink in such amounts. He heaved a deep sigh, got himself a cup and filled it with the contraceptive, the first of three full cups. The omega shuddered at the thought. Well, it wouldn’t do to just stand here and prolong it, better get it over with.

Just when the cup reached his lips, though, Kili stopped. His heartrate sped up, this time however it wasn’t linked to the heat. He could refuse the arranged marriage if he carried a child… he… he could get out… he didn’t have to marry Azog… sure, he didn’t want a child, but… but everything was better than marrying Azog… and he was fertile right now… he could… he could…

He couldn’t do that to Fili. Using him like that, burdening him with a child he didn’t want… and Kili was sure he didn’t want one, he was merely five years older and wasn’t in love with Kili. This was a job and just because it had evolved into a friendship didn’t mean he would make such sacrifices for him. But… _“He is in serious need of an heir for his company as well, so he will make short work and solve Erebor and Orc’s problem quickly, I reckon.”_  

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Kili put the cup down. He had the chance to take back control over his life. Fili didn’t need to know. If the question ever came up, he could always assert there had been someone else, before Fili stopped by.

Pouring the contents of the cup back into the pot, Kili marched into the bathroom, to open the lid of the toilet. So close to going through with this bold idea, he hesitated for a second. There was no way back if he poured it away, on the other hand, once married to Azog, there was no way back either.

Kili took a deep breath for courage, emptied the pot and flushed the toilet.

There wasn’t much time to regret his decision afterwards, for his heat intensified. He had returned to the little kitchenette and rinsed the pot and cup to put them back and had afterwards returned to the tiles. He was panting, the heat under his skin by now unbearable. It made the air humid and sticky, too thin.

Soon the cool tiles weren’t able to soothe his overheated skin anymore. His cock was painfully hard and hoping to find some relief elsewhere, Kili let his hand wander downwards until he could wrap it around his length. Stroking himself softly and methodically, while searching for the right pace to dull the deep ache within his belly, a miserable whimper slipped past his lips. His movements only agitated his sensitive skin further and denied him any form of easement.

He needed Fili, right now… for the whole night or longer, until the hotness and pain felt like nothing but a dream. Tossing and turning, every position uncomfortable for a different reason, Kili was just about to cry desperate tears, when there was a knock at the door.

“Kili, it’s me. Can I come in?” a beautiful, enticing voice resounded on the other side of the door.

“Yes!” he almost screamed with eagerness. _Oh yes, please come in and save me from this madness!_

And enter Fili did. The blond spotted him in a couple of heartbeats and hurried over to him. Fingers began to cool his burning skin, the smell of an alpha so close almost made him roar with ecstasy. The servant shuddered like the last time he’d inhaled Kili’s scent during heat. It was soothing to know his body wasn’t the only reacting to the strong smell of the other, less humiliating. Being the pawn in one’s own instincts wasn’t funny or even desirable if the wrong person was present. Fili was _right_ , though, taking the fears and locking them away. He just wanted to curl up in his arms and have the blond fuck him so the knot would dispel the ache.

“I’m here now,” Fili whispered in a husky voice.

“Why am I an omega? It’s not fair. I hate being an omega,” Kili whined. “It hurts, Fee.”

“Let me take care of you,” the alpha’s breath ghosting over his skin almost caused him to moan with anticipation.  

Kili went willingly with him, when the alpha pulled him to his feet and led him towards the four-poster bed. The fabric itched in his current state and he would’ve preferred the cool tiles or even a bath, but of course, knowing that the knot would stay for some time, they needed a comfortable spot and the bed was the most appropriate. Still, every blink of an eye Fili needed to undress was one too many.

“Please,” the brunet begged his friend, voice thin with need. He’d been so patient, waited for hours for Fili’s arrival, it needed to stop now! “Hurry,” he added.

And finally, the alpha was looming over him. Kili tried to meet him halfway, arching his back in an attempt to grind against Fili’s thigh. The other was having none of it, though, pressing Kili onto the mattress with a strength that made the brunet shudder with lust. His body begged to be dominated, to be taken, he was ready, wanted to present himself to Fili like a gift waiting to be unwrapped. The alpha inside of his friend, however, wasn’t so easily pleased.

Bending down, to press a kiss to Kili’s overheated flesh, drew an obscene moan from his throat.

“No, no,” Fili murmured against the omega’s skin. “We need to take it slow or it will hurt. Remember?”

They wouldn’t kiss, they had long before this arrangement agreed that a kiss to the lips was something only lovers should do, but this didn’t mean that Fili wouldn’t use his mouth to drive him wild. It shouldn’t have surprised him when soft lips wrapped around one of his nipples, but it completely took Kili’s breath away. The alpha offered him about two blissful seconds to regain his breathing, before he sucked, hard. He needed to scream, needed to moan, but could only gasp desperately, too overwhelmed by the feeling and when next, a hand joined in, offering the unoccupied nub some attention, Kili expected for a second to choke on the lack of air. He didn’t, somehow he managed to inhale enough oxygen, while a tongue licked over his nipple and fingers rubbed and pinched and twisted.

He couldn’t even writhe, Fili holding him down so easily that enduring was his only option. Pleasure shot through his system like a wave of fire, devouring him, with no chance to beg for relief. Panting. Panting. Panting. The only purpose his lips had left.

Sobbing with relief once Fili refrained from continuing the torture, he relished in the permission of breathing deeply. But it was only a small break the other granted him. Hands caressed his sides, wandering down in the same pace the blond kissed his way to Kili’s cock. It started with a lick every so often and in the beginning the brunet dared to believe he would be able to withstand this, especially with the alpha’s salvia cooling a part of his chest, only to have Fili’s lips wrap around the head of his cock. At the same time a finger breached him, sliding in without resistance and bending and moving in the wetness that greeted it.

Fili was taking his time, pulling Kili’s sanity into different directions, never allowing him to focus only on one activity. A harsh suck or another finger entering and pleasuring him, he was torn by sensations and could only moan and scream, until the ecstasy began to build up, pulling in his belly. His cock felt heavy, painful, just one strong suck away from bursting.

He heard himself screaming Fili’s name, praising him and urging him to continue for just a little longer. He was almost there. Just one final-

Kili watched out of wide disbelieving eyes how Fili retreated, leaving Kili’s cock nearly purple and hurting and he couldn’t take this any longer! This was too much, too much pleasure, too less relief. Every fibre of is skin seemed taught, like it wanted to rip him apart. A tear escaped between his lids, disappearing in his hair line.

That was when Fili suddenly grabbed his brunet’s legs, raising Kili’s bottom in the process. The next time he was breached, it wasn’t a finger, but the head of Fili’s cock, pushing in slowly, almost languid and the omega’s body opened for it, welcoming it like a long lost friend.

Once the blond was completely seated inside him, Kili heaved a blissful sigh. The ache deep within him finally lessened for a couple of heartbeats and this feeling could cover all of the lingering discomfort. And Fili, being the wonderful friend and alpha that he was, started moving before Kili’s awareness could slip back to it. It was gentle and drawn-out, too tender to finally free his cock from the painful, taut feeling with only small, pathetic pearls of precome coating the tip. Kili had no strength left in him to protest about it, though, breath hitching every time Fili sank all the way back into him. Fingers digging into the blankets beneath him, he undertook one last attempt of gaining a little control, trying to meet Fili’s rhythm.

The alpha, in turn, only grabbed the younger’s legs tighter, holding him in place and guiding him through the pleasure. It was right then, when the omega instincts inside him admitted defeat and submitted, that Fili granted him one simple, brutal thrust. Kili screamed, a sound joined by Fili tumbling over the edge. His vision went white for a second, as his orgasm hit him. Feeling the knot swell inside of him the omega sighed, sated and happy.

On instinct the brunet pulled his friend closer, hoping to draw the knot in deeper and for the seed to take root.

Fili guided himself carefully down, making sure not to press or to pull too abruptly.  Once lying comfortably over him, almost covering Kili like a blanket, only supported by his arms, he smiled at him. Reaching for one of the strands falling into the omega’s eyes, he tucked it behind the brunet’s ear.

“Hey,” Fili then greeted him, as if they were seeing each other for the first time today.

“Hey,” Kili replied with a tired grin.

It was only a short relief. Kili knew they would need to repeat it at least three times more for the heat to finally cease. But right now the discomfort had left and he didn’t feel like sitting in boiling water anymore.

“So, how was your day?” Fili asked warmly.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

“Kili?”

He rolled onto his side, away from the loud voice.

“Kili,” more urgently this time.

The brunet groaned. He wanted to sleep, he didn’t want to get up. It was far too early.

“Mhh?” he sighed tiredly nonetheless, hoping a reaction would get the other to leave.

“It’s time to get up, come on.”

Instead the brunet pulled the blanket over his head.

“Only ten more minutes,” he begged. Or an hour… or two… geez, he felt like he hadn’t slept in ages.

“Kili, it’s already noon. You have to oversee the preparations for the charity event in two hours.”

He frowned, while the air below the blanket turned warm and sticky. Charity event? Noon? It couldn’t be so late, could it? But then his brain finally kicked in, allowing him to connect the voice to the speaker. Fili was here, he was supposed to have lunch with him and then drive him to the summer house on the other end of the city, where the event should take place.

Sitting up with a jerk, Kili’s eyes needed a second to get used to the light in his room, while he met Fili’s amused expression with disbelief.

“Let me guess, you were busy with playing some video games until five in the morning?” the blond teased him.

That had happened in the past, so of course his friend would think this was the reason for oversleeping. Kili, though, couldn’t shake off the shock. He’d been tired all day yesterday and had therefore decided to go to bed early, about 10pm he must’ve been out like a light. He’d slept for fourteen hours straight… what the hell?

“Why is it so late? Why has no one woken me up? Oh god!” scrambling out of the bed, he staggered a little, reaching for the blanket to make his bed, but was stopped by Fili’s gentle hands.

“You go and take a shower and I will take care of this and put some clean sheets on the bed,” the blond scrunched up his nose. “Seriously, have you not once changed them since your heat? I can smell myself all over this room.”

Kili blushed with embarrassment. He’d believed to have put clean sheets on the bed just a couple of days after, but must’ve mistaken it with some weeks before his heat. He never kept a good track of these things and mostly only took care of his bed when he was told to. Luckily Fili looked rather gleeful at Kili’s forgetfulness than annoyed.

The omega nodded, cheeks still aflame and stumbled his way into his bathroom. Behind him Fili giggled at his wavering walk. Thinking that the alpha would take care of the sheets made him cringe. Yes, Fili was his servant, but Kili wasn’t a child. There were things he could manage very well on his own and he vowed to himself to never have his friend do these things again.

Going about his business in the bathroom his bladder thanked him for relieving himself. Holy shit, he must’ve slept for far too long. He felt completely battered, his eyes were burning and for a second he felt so dizzy he had to support himself with one hand at the wall, if he didn’t want to make a mess in the bathroom as well. Kili was never going to sleep without setting an alarm ever again. Too much sleep was awful.

A shower was next. Not only the sheets smelled of Fili, his smell also seemed to cling to Kili’s skin. If possible he blushed even more, that was certainly not a great way to meet a friend. If he hadn’t the soothing certainty of the blond knowing him better than most, he would fear for the alpha to think of him as completely incompetent of taking care of himself. After a long warm shower, involving lots of soap, he felt a little more awake when he reached for the towel to dry himself off.

It was only then, when he stood there, naked and still half-wet, that his tired mind informed him something wasn’t right. Fili smell was still lingering in his nostrils. His heartbeat sped up on its own accord, while he tried to figure out the meaning of it. Usually the soap helped. Today though…, slowly Kili raised his arm and took a careful sniff of his armpit, just to blanch a second later. It wasn’t Fili’s smell clinging to him, _he_ was emitting it.

Well, in truth it was probably a mixture of both of them, but the only thing reaching his mind was the fact that he produced the same smell as his friend, which could only mean…

His unoccupied hand wandered hesitantly to his belly. It was as flat as he was used to, no change to feel so far, it couldn’t be denied now anymore, though. He was pregnant. What he hadn’t expected, however, was his current smell. Yeah, he had learned that his usual odour was going to change, but he hadn’t realised people would be able to notice so clearly who the father was. Besides, he’d lived in that little dream bubble, figuring he would immediately sense the moment Fili impregnated him and when there was nothing strange had assumed his plan had failed.

He had cried, trying to accept his fate and given up mentally. And yet… yet… Fili was going to notice that he had been used! Trembles attacked his body, while his breathing became erratic.

Shit… shit… he didn’t want Fili to know. He wanted to claim someone else was responsible for his state, but how could he, when he freaking smelled like the alpha? This wasn’t good. Not good at all. This was the worst thing that could happen. He needed to calm down, take deep breaths and figure out how to keep this a secret. With shaking fingers he found a full bottle of perfume in the mirror cabinet. It had been a present Kili hadn’t really cared for, since he didn’t like the scent. But it had seemed ungrateful to throw such expensive stuff away. He could only hope that the pungent odour hadn’t changed at all.

The first little cloud of perfume had him gagging. How was it possible for that stuff to smell even worse today? He didn’t have a real choice, though, and so he gritted his teeth and went on with it after taking a deep breath and holding it, while he covered his body thoroughly with the disgusting stench.

By the time Kili was done he had to lean over the toilet for a while, heaving dryly.

Fili held his nose, when Kili eventually left the bathroom.

“God, you could’ve used a little less. People will smell you kilometres against the wind.”

The omega tried to smile against the horrible nausea assaulting him. “It was a present by one of the guest that will be there tonight. I thought it might put him into a generous mood, when he notices I appreciate his gift.”

“There are certain sacrifices you shouldn’t make,” Fili told him teasingly, luring a soft chuckle from Kili’s throat.

At least with time they got used to the stench, only for the smell of food to attack him not much later with the urge to bend over his chair and throw up. He had no idea how he managed to stay in control of his stomach, but nibbling at a piece of bread and drinking some tea helped. Fili’s quizzical gaze was dodged with claiming he was just a little nervous about the day. It was only partially a lie.

They arrived at the summer house about 2pm, the barrier between carpet and press had already been build and the first crews were busy with unpacking their equipment. Kili and Fili could step in completely unnoticed like that.

The decoration was colourful, balloons hanging from the ceiling and glittering garlands. It looked young, a little over the top, but perfect for children, which was a bit weird. Sure, they were gathering money for children in need today, but barely any children would be present. And this joyful decoration confronted with the wall at the other end of the hall, showing dirty or starving kids only added to the hypocritical feeling Kili was trying to silence within him.

But he couldn’t protest. This was what Thrain wanted and no one was allowed to argue, he should only ensure that everything was like his grandfather wanted. So far, it seemed like he wouldn’t have anything to complain about.

They couldn’t have been there longer than two hours, when the tiredness took hold of Kili again. Sitting down on the stairs, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. Of course it didn’t take long for Fili to find him and shake his shoulder softly.

Kili sighed. “Did someone ask for my opinion?”

“No,” Fili reassured him.

With a nod, the brunet leaned his head back against the wall.

“I’m worried about you.”

This caught Kili’s attention.

“Why is that?”

Fili shrugged.

“You are very quiet since a couple of weeks and today you look pale and tired. Are you alright?”

The open concern in Fili’s eyes warmed his heart and put a small smile to his lips.

“I’m fine. There is… just a lot going on in my life right now. Big plans for the company, you know,” he phrased it much more hopeful then he inwardly felt, but didn’t want to worry the only friend he had in this house.

Fili smiled contently at that. Whatever he must be thinking right now, it was surely a lot nicer than the truth.

For the next couple of minutes, they sat in comfortable silence next to each other on the stairs and watched the tables being adjusted and decorated with flower arrangements, name cards were placed and the dance floor mopped one last time. This wasn’t Kili’s world. Not for the first time the brunet found himself feeling completely out of place. Here, on this secluded staircase serving as back stairs for the waiters later, Kili felt much more at ease then within people of distinction.

Perhaps this was Dis’ legacy. She had raised him like a normal child and even though he’d enjoyed getting everything he wanted during his teenage years, he’d never really taken to the other side of wealth.

The quietness wasn’t lasting long, for a servant found them, announcing Thrain’s arrival and his request to talk to Kili in private ere the event started. Fili smiled at him reassuringly, promising to wait for him, while the brunt’s insides fastened with knots.

Thrain was waiting in the small study. It was barely used. It had high windows, letting the sun flood into the room, a single desk and shelves for storing ring binders. The carpet had long ago made way for parquet. Kili’s grandfather was sitting in a revolving chair, typing on his laptop. He didn’t look up when the omega entered and so Kili waited for the other to finish whatever needed to be done.

At last, the old man shut the computer and looked him over.

“I asked you to come here,” not even a greeting, Kili hadn’t expected anything else, “to remind you of the announcement today.”

“Yeah, about that-” the brunet began to reply.

“You will marry him!” Thrain stopped him, raising his voice as if screaming was the only way to get Kili to comply. “End of the discussion! I’m not leaving you a choice.”

“Actually,” Kili interrupted him before he could go on. “You have no right to force me into this.”

The anger of the weeks prior, drowned under fear with the promise of an approaching wedding, boiled under the surface. Kili straightened his back and met his grandfather’s gaze without fear.

“I have every right!” Thrain bellowed.

“No, because I’m pregnant and Azog certainly isn’t the father!”

He didn’t know what he’d expected to happen. Perhaps screaming, perhaps furniture breaking, perhaps even to be slapped. What wasn’t fitting into his view of his grandfather was to see him take the phone and give Fili a call. Only a few minutes later Kili sat in a car, on his way back to the main building, with the instruction to wait for his grandfather until after the event.

His friend asked him only once what had happened, but no word found its way over Kili’s lips. There was a strange sense of dread sitting inside his belly, making him nauseous or he mistook it simply for pregnancy symptoms. Nevertheless, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d just done the worst mistake in his life and while he was glad it was out and a marriage with Azog not an issue anymore, he was on high alert, waiting for Thrain’s wrath.

It wasn’t until three in the morning, before his grandfather stepped into Kili’s chamber. The brunet should be tired, but the worry kept him wide awake. At one point he’d sent Fili home, not wanting him to see whatever might happen and besides, it was worse enough that Kili would lose his sleep, Fili didn’t need to deal with it as well, especially not for Kili’s mistake. Thrain, though, wasn’t the only one visiting him. He brought an exhausting looking Oin with him and instantly the omega could feel the last bit of colour drain from his face. He hadn’t only betrayed Fili, but also the kind doctor, always having an open ear for his troubles.

Lowering his head in shame he tried to avoid Oin’s disappointed expression. It was no use, though, just a glimpse of it was enough to burn it into his memory.

The old doctor sighed.

“Well, I was told you think you might be pregnant?”

“I am,” Kili replied defensively, wrapping his arms around his middle in protection.

“You don’t mind taking a test then?”

Shaking his head he took the little cup Oin handed him and while the beta accompanied him into the bathroom, Thrain waited at the exit to the chamber. The other man was quiet while Kili followed the order mechanically. Usually he would be embarrassed to pee in the presence of another person, at the moment though, he simply felt numb. Being aware of letting Oin down might be one of the worst knowledges he’d been confronted with in years. In the end, the physician had known his mother just as well as Kili and in a way this had turned him into a connection of the past, not to mention that he’d always been more of a grandfather to him than Thrain ever was.

Some drops onto a piece of paper were enough. Oin sighed at the result.

“He is pregnant,” the doctor announced once both of them had returned into Kili’s room.

“And you are certain?” Thrain pressed.

“The paper doesn’t lie,” the beta held up the test strip, “the colour confirms hCG, a typical pregnancy hormone.”

“So tell me, Oin, how can he be pregnant if you helped him to brew the contraceptive during heat?” Thrain asked the other slyly.

The doctor was fidgeting uneasily. Kili closed his eyes in shame. This was his fault. Oin had trusted him.

“I stayed with him until it was finished.”

“But you didn’t wait until he’d drunken it and it could take effect?”

 “I didn’t think it was necessary, he is of age, is a sensible lad-“

“Does this look like a sensible lad to you?” Thrain exclaimed, making a violent gesture with his hand. “There is nothing sensible about getting knocked up! I trusted you with him and you went against my instructions!”

“It wasn’t him! I was-“ Kili tried to jump to Oin’s aid.

“You will shut your mouth unless I’m asking you for your opinion!”

Kili huddled into one of the corners of the chambers, he was exhausted and felt like the most terrible person on this planet and besides a quick glance from the beta, his attempt to help had done nothing of that sort. He only caused trouble. Wasn’t that want uncle Thorin had always said? Seemed like he had been right all along. How he wished to make himself small, to disappear and escape the screaming. He wanted to tell himself it were only threats without any meaning, but Thrain was a rich man. There weren’t many boundaries in his life.

“This was the last day you were called the family's physician. Pack your stuff and leave! I never want to see you near my house again!”

“Of course,” how Oin’s voice could sound so steadfast, Kili might never understand.

The brunet felt like shattering. The arranged marriage couldn’t happen now, was it worth to ruin Oin’s reputation, though? No… no it wasn’t.

The old doctor left quietly, leaving Kili with his angry grandfather.

“And you,” he growled. Slowly Kili raised his gaze, meeting the furious one of Thrain. “You will stay in this room, until I tell you otherwise, understood?”

Was this now becoming a cage as well? Perhaps he’d worsened everything in his desire to improve his own situation. Protesting seemed to be the wrong idea right now, besides, he felt far too agitated for any act of rebellion.

“I won’t accept this! Mark my words!” his grandfather spat.

And with this, Thrain rushed out of the room like a tornado.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

On the next day he waited desperately for Fili to show up and when he didn’t, on the day after. Then the day after that and the day following. But Fili didn’t come and Kili was left completely on his own. He had breakfast, lunch and dinner delivered to his chamber, but found himself often unable to eat certain stuff, because the smell made him nauseous. Instead he cooked something in the little kitchenette, but his groceries soon started to run out. Of course, there were only a small ration for an emergency, when he was starving and the kitchen staff had already left and with cooking almost every day now, to have at least something that wouldn’t make him throw up, Kili was beginning to suffer in more ways than one from being forbidden to leave his rooms. And even if he tried to go outside, it wouldn’t have worked, seeing as the doors were always looked.

This should be forbidden, but he was an omega and for those other rules applied. The silence and loneliness got to him after the first day as well. Watching TV was no help either and when he wasn’t tired and spent his day with sleeping, he found himself staring at the wall with desperation. On top of it was the same nagging question, resounding in his head again and again. Where was Fili?

A week and a half he spent like that. In the mornings he was now overwhelmed by sickness that sometimes even lasted until the afternoon. Making him not for the first time wonder since his detention started that getting himself pregnant was a stupid idea. He was miserable, found himself crying quite often and genuinely just wanted to take a walk outside in the garden.

And then, Thrain visited him again. Kili was lying on his bed, waiting for another dizzy spell to pass by. He didn’t think of getting up, preferred not to stumble over his own feet and also hadn’t much to say to the other. There was only one question he was dying to ask.

“Where is Fili?”

“I fired him.”

“You did what?” Kili shouted. Scrambling into a sitting position, no longer caring for the way the world tilted at the edge of his vision, the brunet gaped at his grandfather in shock.

He couldn’t do that… Fili… Fili was his servant… he had no right! Fili was… Fili was his friend! He needed his friend right now!

Actually… he’d needed him longer than this, but not dared to tell him the truth about the arranged marriage.

Thrain had his arms folded behind his back, his neck craned, and looked at Kili with so much distaste, it probably made them both wonder how they could be related.

“I could hardly let him work here after what he forced into you.”

“He didn’t force anything-“

“Quiet!” his grandfather bellowed. “I have not allowed you to speak!”

Kili flinched, slipping slowly backwards, when the alpha started moving towards him. His escaped was stopped soon by the head of the bed. In front of the bed, Thrain paced up and down. Shaking his head, his features morphed into a furious visage.

“You have ridiculed me in front of my staff and deceived them into helping you with your disgusting little plan. Azog is furious and he is not the only one,” he cast a glare into Kili’s direction that sent shivers down his spine. “But just so you know, I won’t accept it! Your last heat was nine weeks ago, so abortion won’t cause any trouble. You will get rid of that bastard. Marry Azog and then can drop as many children as you want.”

Staring at the other man, he couldn’t tell if laughing or crying was the appropriate reaction. He should abort the baby that should save him from the marriage just to be pushed back into it? To have Oin and Fili fired for nothing? Thrain truly must’ve lost his mind, if he thought Kili would agree to this sick plan.

“I won’t.”

“You will!” his grandfather growled.

“No! I won’t! You might be able to marry me off without my consent, but for an abortion you need it! I have to sign documents and I’m not going to do that!”

During his speech the brunet had gotten up, facing his grandfather angrily. Why couldn’t Thrain simply accept his decision? Did he truly hate him so much that not one of his words mattered to him? They were supposed to be a family! He still remembered the way Dís used to tuck him in, kissing his head and singing to him in the most beautiful voice he’d ever listen to. He remembered her hugs, her smiles, the way she’d used to tickle him breathless and the rainy Sundays they had spent with baking cookies. His mother had always left the bowl to him when they were done, so he could lick it out.

This was family! And not what kind of madness Thrain wanted to force him into.

“You think you know what’s good for yourself? You are just a child that knows nothing of the world. You don’t want to marry Azog? Fine! You have one hour, pack your stuff and leave my house!” the alpha sneered.

Kili blinked confused.

“Get out?” he asked.

“Are you deaf? If you are still here in an hour, I will ask security to throw you out.”

Was this a trick to change his mind? What had happened all of a sudden? Kili’s throat tightened, turning breathing into a difficult task that didn’t become any easier through his fast heartbeat.

“But… but where should I go?” the brunet wondered helplessly.

This was his home, regardless how dull and stressful it was sometimes. He’d lived here for over nine years, this was all he knew. He’d just finished school and no other education beside it. He’d never worked a job, never studied and even if he did, no one would hire him anyway, now that he was pregnant. He would be homeless.

“You should’ve thought about it before your little tantrum. You are of age, so I can throw you out if I want and I will. I don’t have a grandson anymore!”

His knees held him upright until Thrain headed out of the door, not once casting a glance back. Sinking to the ground into a small heap, Kili pressed a hand to his mouth, sobbing forlornly. What should he do? His last family member had just disowned him, leaving Kili with nothing but the clothes on his body. He'd wanted to save himself, but for the first time he wondered if marrying Azog would’ve been the lesser of two evils.

In the end he found himself out on the street, a duffel bag with some clothes and other necessities in his hand and a wallet in the pocket of his coat. There wasn’t much he owned. Sure, there was a savings book his mother had opened in his name years ago, how long that money would last, though, he couldn’t tell. The sight of the traffic passing by, with the house of Durin lying behind him, Kili realised for the first time how badly prepared he was for the world awaiting him. He’d never had to deal with money, everything he wanted was given to him. He didn’t know how high the rent for an apartment was or what a ticket for public transportation would cost him.

The urge to hide in a corner from the world and to cry his heart out almost crushed him. His vision blurred and his bottom lip started to quiver dangerously. Yet he couldn’t break down in public. If someone saw and filmed it… he wouldn’t give Thrain the satisfaction of learning that his grandson was weeping for the loss of his home. It wasn’t important how much he wanted it, he would refuse him this last victory.

And so Kili wiped a hand over his eyes, inhaled deeply the cooled down air and set his sight on the next bus stop.

He had friends. He wasn’t completely alone. Surely they would help him.

Or at least so he thought. The first address he visited was Vestri’s, a young beta he knew from school. Instead of support he was only sent away. The same happened with the next friend and the one after that and after the fourth he was told unequivocally that whoever he went to, no one would help him. Apparently Thrain had made sure to call each and every one of them, ensuring Kili would have no one to turn to.

Sleeping on the streets seemed to become inevitable, if he didn’t want to go to a hotel. One address was still left, though and it was at least worth a try.

It was dark by the time he arrived in a deprived area. Graffiti covered the fronts of the block of flats. Narrow alleyways greeted him with a strange stench that made him heaved dryly as it lead him to a street covered by townhouse complexes. They looked old and small, some of the tiny front gardens were sordid, in other’s Kili spotted rubbish. The omega grimaced at the sight. He’d never been here before and suddenly felt terrible for never noticing the bad circumstances his friend lived in.

After some time of searching for the right number, the brunet finally hit pay dirt. Inside he could see light, so someone had to be at home.

Taking a deep breath, the omega tried to silence the fear of being sent away again, swallowed past the lump in his throat and rang the bell. Nervously fumbling with the strap of his duffel bag he waited.

Just a couple of seconds later the door opened, the light of a lamp cutting into Kili’s eyes, and revealed Fili. At first the blond’s eyes widened with shock, but the emotion didn’t stay for long on his features, making way for a cold, hard stare.

“What do you want?” he demanded to know, not even a bit of the usual warmth audible in his voice.

Kili cringed.

“Hey,” the younger greeted him ruefully. He wanted to look the other in the eyes while explaining the situation to him, but found himself unable to hold the dismissive gaze. “I… I’m sorry to bother you… but… but I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Oh, so now I’m good enough for you,” Fili mused scornfully.

Kili frowned in confusion.

“What… what are you talking about?” Fili had always been one of his best friends, someone Kili wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

“I don’t know, you tell me why Thrain asked me into his office nearly two weeks ago, wondering what was going through my mind, when I impregnated his grandson!”

Ducking his head, as if Fili’s words were a physical blow, Kili clutched the strap of the bag tighter.

“I’m sorry.”

“You need to be little bit more precise. What exactly are you sorry for? That I got fired?” Fili snapped.

This was the alpha always resting somewhere in the blond. The instincts that turned rage into a weapon and conducted a power into his words that went right under Kili’s skin, hurting his soul.

“I’m sorry for not telling you that I hadn’t taken the contraceptive.”

“You used me,” Fili spat bitterly. “I thought we were friends and you used me!”

Unable to supressed it, Kili looked around worriedly. Fili’s voice was echoing over the streets, for whomever to hear.

“And now you have the nerve to show up here! Why don’t you go to your high-classy friends instead?”

“I… I did,” Fili’s lips pressed into a thin line of anger, the furrow between his brows increasing. “But at least one or both of their parents are working in Erebor, they are scared Thrain would-“

“Fire them, too?”

Kili swallowed, looking down at his shoes. The tears were back and he cursed himself for them. He didn’t want to cry right now. This wasn’t fair. Fili had done nothing wrong. He was the one who had fucked up. The alpha was right, though and so Kili nodded. He had met all of his friends in a private school. Most of the pupils there had family working for Thrain.

“I see,” Fili uttered in a low voice.

“Fili, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to use you like this. I just… I didn’t know what else to do. My grandfather wanted to marry me off to Azog White and… and I needed a child to get out of it.”

Meeting his gaze again, Kili begged him to understand and surely, his confession had its effect on Fili. The cold masked slipped and surprise darted over Fili’s features.

“Wait… what?” he exclaimed.

“Thrain, he… he-“

“No, I understand that, but do you even understand what you have done?”

“I…,” Kili frowned, unable to continue. What did Fili want to hear?

“Like, you couldn’t have simply told me and let me play your lover, you needed a child. A child!”

The anger had returned, but this time it was joined by incomprehension. Fili was livid.

“That wouldn’t have worked, what if they had bribed the one doing the test? That wouldn’t have helped me,” Kili tried to argue, still not getting what Fili was hinting at.

“So you thought, _let’s have Fili knock me up_?”

The blond threw his hands up in despair, when Kili was simply gaping at him, instead of giving him what he wanted to hear.

“It’s a baby, Kili! This isn’t something you can decide in the blink of an eye. This isn’t like a dog you can get from an animal shelter and if you realise it doesn’t fit into your life, you can just give it back. This is a child that will depend on you for at least the next eighteen years and you have pulled me into this without my consent!”

Hearing all of this, he had to admit he hadn’t thought about this kind of commitment at all. He’d just seen it as a way out and had acted with desperation, without keeping the consequences in mind even for a second. What felt worse than creating a life of something he didn’t really want, was becoming aware of how deeply he had hurt his friend with it.

“I’m sorry, I never wanted you to… I wanted to claim you weren’t the father… but things escalated and-“

“Do you think that makes up for anything?” Fili snapped.

“No,” he replied with a thin voice. The pressure behind his eyes and in his throat grew once more, forcing him to look away to hide his unhelpful state.

“You are eighteen! What do you want with a child? I don’t want a child! I’m still in debt, have lost my job and now you are asking me to take care of you and a baby? Who do you think you are?”

Until a couple of minutes ago, he had believed to be Fili’s friend. The duffel bag slid to the ground as Kili had to press a hand to his mouth, to silence the sob that escaped his mouth forcefully.

“I… I have a savings book my mother opened for me. I-it contains about ten thousand dollars. You can have everything, just… just please don’t send me away. I don’t know where else to go. I have no one,” Kili begged him, crying openly now.

He still wouldn’t dare to look up again, fearing to see rejection reflected at him.

And Fili… Fili laughed mockingly.

“Ten thousand? Kili, you seriously need to wake up! I am still about five thousand dollars in debt and there is also the rent and groceries that need to be paid for and I have no job anymore, thanks to you! How long do you think your money will last?”

Perhaps they could even both be lucky, Thrain wasn’t going to sue the blond for ruining the marriage. Although Kili had a suspicion that the only reason for this was that it wasn’t mentioned in the contract. It was only a crumb of comfort faced with their situation. He had used Fili and ruined his life, losing his friendship along with it. Of course Fili wouldn’t help him under these circumstances. Kili was trash and deserved to be treated like it.

And yet he was still standing here, crying and sobbing at Fili’s doorstep, unable to find the strength to turn around, leave and never look back. Getting out of his life was the least he could give Fili, but he was so alone. Without him he would be lost in a world he barely understood and so he pushed his last bit of pride away.

“Please… please let me stay… I… who would hire me? I’m an omega, no one would, even if I wasn’t pregnant. I… please… I will do everything just… please don’t send me away!” he begged the alpha.

Silence followed, only interrupted by his desperate sobbing. If the whole street hadn’t listened to their conversation in the beginning, they now certainly would, they had been loud enough. Everyone would hear when Fili sent him away and rightly so.

Fili sighed deeply, the sound of his steps telling Kili he’d gone back inside. The younger closed his lids in defeat.

“Get in and close the door!”

The sentence hit him so unprepared it haltered the tears. In wonder the brunet’s gaze trailed Fili’s movements inside. It took him a second of hesitation, before he entered.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

Fili was an idiot. What was he thinking? Taking Kili in? Sure, he was sleeping on the couch, because Fili refused to offer the omega his bed, but it was bad enough. Sending him away wasn’t an option either though, as much as he despised the other right now, he would only feel guilty if something happened to him, when Fili could’ve prevented it. Nevertheless, it hampered his sleep this night. Which was another reason to curse his decision, he had a job interview in the morning. Oh, it wasn’t anything amazing, if everything worked out he would be a dustman, but little money was better than no money at all.

His life felt out of control, ever since he’d completed studying. He had finished with it as fast as possible, knowing the amount of debt would only grow into an unmanageable pile if he relaxed too much. After that came the disaster with the investment. Everyone had warned him, it looked dubious and unsafe, but he didn’t want to listen, just saw a great opportunity of paying student loans back in one go and being free of debt, instead all of the bad prognoses occurred, loading him with problems he’d no idea how to solve.

Then came the job as a personal servant with its attractive salary. From the first day on he got along well with Kili, was therefore hired and experienced how it felt to live his own life without worries. He was able to pay the instalments in time along with the rent, could buy groceries and even had money left at the end of every week to grant himself a small reward, like a beer with a couple of friends or watching a movie in the cinema. On top of that, working for Thrain didn’t even feel like a job. Kili became his friend and he enjoyed spending time with him. It was an easy and happy time.

As a personal servant he’d always known that he was expected to assist Kili during heats, but for the brunet it had never seemed like a condition, it was a choice. And Fili would lie, would he claim now it hadn’t been good. Kili was an attractive young man and letting some steam off through sex came in handy with his otherwise dead sex life. Since the shit with the investment, Fili hadn’t been able to engage into any relationship and afterwards he was just too busy as Kili’s servant. The working hours were long after all. He never held that against the brunet, though. Fili really liked his job.

Now, though, he couldn’t tell anymore how much of the real Kili Fili had met during his time with him. Had he been deceived all along? And if not, was this person sleeping on his couch at the moment still someone he wanted in his life. Not really, if he was honest with himself. He felt so betrayed and disappointed. Again he’d put his trust in the wrong person and would now have a baby on his hands soon.

He didn’t want to be a father yet, especially not with someone he held no love for. Fili had dreamed of travelling once the debt was paid off, had even thought of asking Kili to accompany him on one of these journeys. A couple of weeks ago his mind had even badgered him with the question if he might feel more for Kili than just friendship.

He had gotten his answer not long after. When Thrain asked him into his office, attacking him with accusations, why he hadn’t watched how Kili drank the contraceptive? Why he didn’t even think of asking? His response felt naïve and stupid now. Because he’d trusted Kili.

Trust seemed never to be a good idea. Trust someone and you would be used. How hadn’t he understood that yet? First the investment and now Kili. Was there something on him that made him such an easy target? His life obviously belonged to other people.

In the end he fell asleep in the early morning hours and awoke to the screeching sound of his alarm. Groaning groggily Fili sat up and rubbed his hands over his face, in hopes it would wake him up a little. It was in vain. A shower should fix that, though, and coffee… lots of coffee.

To his great annoyance the bathroom was already occupied, when he reached it. The brunet was hanging over the toilet, trying to throw his guts up. Fili scrunched up his nose at the stench.

“I have a job interview this morning. I really need the bathroom,” he told the younger man.

Kili took a couple of deep breaths before heaving once more. “Sorry,” a mumble, dulled by the toilet pan, reached his ears between retches.

Fili felt instantly guilty. This certainly was even less fun for the brunet and it wasn’t like he was throwing up on purpose. As soon as the last thought crossed his mind, it was already crushed beneath a new wave of anger. It was on purpose for god’s sake! If Kili hadn’t used him, the omega would have no reason to block the bathroom because of morning sickness.

Growling, Fili headed towards the mirror cabinet, fetching a scrunchie. With it he walked over to the other, whose face was hidden by an arm, supporting his brow, and the WC. He pulled the brunet hair back anything but gently and put it into a bun. This was the only kind of help Kili could expect from him.

He believed to hear a slurred _thanks_ by the time he was finished.

“Mind if I shower, while you are busy?” Fili asked, not really caring for the answer, although trying to make an effort nonetheless and if it only functioned as setting himself apart from the omega.

At least Kili managed to shake his head, perhaps he wasn’t as blind to his stupid decision as Fili had guessed. Not that it made a difference.

Without a second of hesitation, Fili stripped down and stepped into the shower. The running of the water drowned Kili’s gross sounds and the shower gel covered the stench. The warm water worked miracles on his overly tired body and released some of the tension he was feeling in his muscles since Kili had appeared on his doorstep.

Finally clean and in a merrier mood, he left the shower. Kili wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. Instead Fili spotted him on his way down, huddled in a blanket on the couch. Paying him no mind he had his coffee in the kitchen and left for the interview not much later.

He got the job, but it was only a small relief. The money wouldn’t be enough to pay off the debt anytime soon. Sure, Fili could use the money Kili offered him, but he didn’t want to owe him anything. Everything that would give the omega some sort of control over him was out of question. He blamed himself already enough for not noticing Kili’s state sooner. Hadn’t thought much of his own smell clinging to the brunet or the tiredness. He could’ve put two and two together, but trust had clouded his judgement. Fili wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

And so he found himself just two weeks later in another job interview. During the day he worked now as a dustman and in the evening as a cleaner. After studying at one of the best universities this country had to offer, this was what had become of him. A man that worked two jobs to pay off his debts and housed an eighteen year old boy he’d impregnated. It sounded like the stuff for a good soap opera.

On top of that, things weren’t really improving with the way Kili treated him. How dinner was ready when he came home or that a hot cup of coffee was awaiting him in the morning. He could feel himself slipping back into a sense of trust and friendship and every time he realised it filled him with the urge to scream. Reminding himself of the cause for their situation and that he didn’t want to have Kili living with him shouldn’t be required, but the younger man turned it into a necessity.

Oh, how he sometimes wished to toss his principles overboard to tell Kili that he should stop this manipulation. If he managed this even once, he might also be able to bring up the idea of adoption. He didn’t want a child and was fairly certain Kili didn’t either. And since they couldn’t live forever in this arrangement, – this was a house with only a kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom and living room after all and thus far too small, – let alone that Fili had no desire to continue this unwanted living community once the baby was born, talking sounded like a sensible thing. If only he had the strength of putting his thoughts into action. The fear of ending up too credulous once more stopped him.

Things started to weigh more heavily on his mind, when one evening he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, he ended up taking Kili by surprise. The brunet had never gotten into the habit of locking the door, since he never had to in the house of Durin and so Fili was forced to enter in one of the most inappropriate moments.

Kili was naked, still wet from the shower and just about to dry himself off.

“I’m sorry!” Fili exclaimed immediately turning around and closing the door behind him.

“It’s fine. There is nothing you haven’t already seen,” Kili replied easily, he had never been ashamed of his body.

But that wasn’t true. There was something he hadn’t seen before and it was the gentle roundness of Kili’s belly.

His heart was pounding so loudly it surprised Fili he was even able to hear the brunet call after him that he could have the bathroom to himself in two minutes.

If he just knew how to start the conversation they needed to have. They were beginning to run out of time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili didn’t know what to do. He tried to ease Fili’s life, the only way of asking for forgiveness he had with the current circumstances, but he could tell his friend was still disgusted with him. Was Kili even allowed to call him his friend? He didn’t know. There was so much he didn’t know.

Fili was gone most of the day to work and went almost instantly to bed, when he came home. His days off were spent outside. Where? Kili had no idea. Having a place to stay hadn’t really improved his situation. He was left alone with his fears and the loneliness that liked to attack him. The morning sickness had left, but he felt still miserable most of the time. Craving foods he didn’t dare to buy or ask Fili for, overwhelmed with sadness that made him cry and only a blanket to soothe his need for cuddles.

Sometimes, when Fili was out working, Kili walked down the street to a little playground. He watched the children running around, laughing loudly, screeching and getting so dirty so fast and tried to imagine what it would be like to have a child of his own.

It mostly made him understand that he didn’t know shit about children. He was completely clueless and just wanted to run from the responsibility he’d saddled upon himself. Overall he felt terrible for carrying a child he didn’t want. The baby had done nothing wrong. It was his fault.

It took a mother spotting him and talking with him on one of those days to realise how badly he was even now treating his child. As if the conditions of its conception hadn’t been terrible enough, when she began to ask him, however, if everything was going well and if he was looking forward to his next ultrasound, Kili realised with horror that he’d never had a doctor beside Oin look at him. And he had merely confirmed the pregnancy, not done any additional check-ups.

Promising her hurriedly, he would make up for his neglect, while she scolded him for his stupidity, Kili took the bus to Oin’s doctor’s office on the very same day. Knowing he might be unwelcome, the brunet entered the office nervously. Oin had lost some of his reputation because of Kili, but he was the only one the omega trusted, the only physician he’d gone to. Uninformed in so many matters, he saw no other way than trying.

The receptionist wasn’t happy to see him, told him the waiting room was already bursting with people and that Oin wasn’t treating new patients at the moment and why hadn't simply called instead of just showing up there? Kili held his head low, nodded with embarrassment and just wanted to leave, when the old doctor stepped out of one of the treatment rooms.

The man spotted him in the blink of an eye and Kili prepared himself to be thrown out while Oin walked over to him, just to have him pat his shoulder gently. His vision was blurry as he met the beta’s gaze.

“Take a seat in the waiting room. You might have to wait until we close, though. I’m not sure Margret can work you in before.”

“Okay,” Kili whispered.

“But… Oin, we can’t-,“ the receptionist tried to protest.

“It’s fine. He’s a friend. I will just exceed a little today,” Oin told her kindly.

“But you are always exceeding.”

“Then one patient more or less won’t make a difference.” Winking at her he disappeared into another treatment room.

Margret sighed deeply once the door closed behind him and now offered Kili a tired smile.

“Well come on, let’s ease his work a little and check your blood pressure.”

After this was out of the way, Kili sat indeed for a very long time in the waiting room. It was around 8pm when Oin finally called him in and the brunet worried a little. Not only if the doctor’s attitude towards him had changed, but also if he would catch the last bus that would drive straight in the direction of Fili’s home. He wasn’t really feeling up to changing busses a couple of time. In the end, though, this wasn’t about him.

“I can’t believe you would do this to escape an arranged marriage,” Oin said, when Kili sat down on the other side of the desk.

Intertwining his fingers almost painfully, Kili looked at his hands in shame.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know Azog is a horrible human being. But playing with life like this? This child didn’t ask for it. It needs you to take up responsibility and to be honest, I’m not sure you are old enough to truly understand that.”

It wasn’t the first time such blunt words were addressed at him and Kili assumed it wouldn’t be the last. He’d royally messed up and had to deal with the consequences.

“I know,” he mumbled meekly. “I was desperate… I didn’t know what else to do. I know it was wrong and I’m really trying to make it up to it and…,” he swallowed hard, “I’m so sorry for doing this to you.”

Oin sighed.

“Well, never mind. You are here, that has to count for something.”

It wasn't exactly what Kili expected to hear, although, if he was being honest, he had no idea what he hoped to hear. Forgiveness? More accusations? Everything was so confusing and while he dreaded harsh words, he was aware that he deserved them.

“Did you have a check-up before?”

Kili shook his head.

“What about a pregnancy record book?”

A shake of the head again.

“Dear me!” Oin exclaimed and leaned back into his chair, which commentated it with a loud creak. “Have you considered even one shred of what you’ve gotten yourself into?”

“I’m trying now!” Kili snapped indignantly.

Why couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow him? Was it possible to die out of embarrassment? Once the omega had claimed for himself not to be stupid, right now he wanted to take back every thought that had ever aimed in this direction. Someone who treated life so incautiously had to be called the greatest idiot in the universe.

“I hope you don’t have to be anywhere soon. This will take a while.”

Kili nodded and followed the other’s example, when he got up. Time for a very long check-up it seemed. To his surprise, though, Oin didn’t walk past him into the next room containing his equipment. Instead he came to a halt right next to him and just a second later Kili found himself in the first hug he’d been offered in weeks.

It was warm and strong and chased away the loneliness. Oin’s scent was familiar, just like his rough hands and Kili clung to this small gesture of comfort offered to him. Ere he was able to supress it, a sob tore from his throat. While he cried into the white coat, one of the doctor’s hands rubbed over his back soothingly.

He couldn’t say how long they stood there with Oin comforting him like this, just that it took humiliatingly long for him to calm down. His eyes hurt, once the tears had run dry and his skin stretched far too tautly over his cheeks.

“After today you will have to visit me regularly. Margret is right, though, my schedule is tight and during the usual consultation hours it will be impossible to work you in. But worry not, you will just come after closing time and everything will be fine.”

How was it possible to receive such support after what he’d done? It seemed like a dream, but pinching himself revealed he was still awake.

“Thank you,” Kili croaked gratefully.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

For the first time in over two months, dinner wasn’t waiting for him when he came home. To be precise, there was no light in the flat at all. Neither in the kitchen nor the bathroom nor the light of the TV, indicating that Kili had fallen asleep while watching. It was quiet and dark and Fili had trouble swallowing past the lump in his throat.

Hanging his coat onto the coat hooks and putting the keys in a bowl beside the door he listened for any sound he might’ve missed.

“Kili?” he called, when the silence continued for far too long.

No answer.

Crossing the small living room Fili headed for the kitchen and then for the bathroom, turning every light on during his search. He even looked into his bedroom, even though Kili hadn’t entered it once since he’d moved in with him. Opening closets and crouching down to peek under furniture, Fili did it all. Somewhere inside he knew it was stupid, but the major part of him was panicking. Where was Kili? He obviously hadn’t lost consciousness in some weird spot and appeared like he had fallen off the face of the earth.

If the circumstances were different Fili would laugh at his fears. Kili was eighteen and while reckless and naïve sometimes, he knew how to take care of himself. Yet, after becoming used to Kili greeting him in the evening, Fili wasn’t able to supress the nervous energy drowning the tiredness that had not long ago ruled his bones. Pacing up and down he tried to remember if the omega had said anything to him this morning, but came up blank.

Why hadn’t he listened to him more? Yes, he was still angry for the disaster the brunet had pushed him into and yes, he’d felt like his treatment of the other was warranted, now however, he regretted holding on to his grudge. If something had happened to him, Fili would never forgive himself for treating him with nothing but spite since his arrival. Kili was young and yes, Azog was a god damn arsehole. Fili had heard stories about him and could only imagine how White’s future wife or husband would fare. A happy life looked certainly different, it sounded more like slavery to him. Their laws, allowing this treatment, were a disgrace.

Perhaps… perhaps he should’ve attempted a little more to understand Kili. Having a baby as the only way out was fucked up. Going through with it even more so, however. Fili shook his head. He didn’t want to think any more about accusations and who had been in the wrong. They both were aware of Kili’s mistake and the omega had done nothing but ask for his forgiveness since then. Every deed aiming at making his day easier, while keeping to himself otherwise, there were no requests, as he wanted his presence to stay as unnoticeable as possible.

The only reassurance Fili was given, was the duffel bag still sitting in the living room next to the couch. So Kili hadn’t left. He had obviously gone out, though. Fili had no idea where he liked to go, hadn’t engaged in any conversation that would help him figure out where to look at first. The omega was also not having a phone at his disposal, which left him with no way to call him.

And while the hours went by, from nine to ten and from ten to eleven, Fili was actually considering calling the police. The worried waiting had turned him into an utter mess, nails bitten short, walking on restless legs and with hair protruding into every direction from ruffling his hands through it a little too often.

He never had to go through with his desperate idea, for the sound of the door being unlocked made him wheel around and stare at the entrance. Kili's tired eyes widened as soon as he spotted Fili waiting for him.

“Where have you been?” Fili demanded to know. The worry finally draining from him created room for a new sort of anger.

Kili had him worried sick and hadn't even left a note! It seemed like he hadn’t changed at all. He was still an irresponsible lad and wouldn’t think of others before he acted.

“Why didn’t you say anything? The least you could’ve done was to leave a message! I thought something happened to you!”

Closing the door slowly, the brunet slipped out of his coat.

“I didn’t think I needed to.”

Fili was already opening his mouth to give him a snappish piece of his mind, when Kili beat him to it.

“And I didn’t think you would care.”

Fili flinched. The brunet couldn’t really believe he wanted to see him hurt or suffering, could he? Granted, Fili hadn’t been very supportive or helpful throughout the symptoms attacking the omega and had simply left him to deal with them alone, since all of this was Kili’s fault. He could’ve saved himself the ordeal, so it served him right to endure it with every consequence it brought along. This didn’t mean at all that Fili enjoyed his pain… alright… perhaps a tiny bit…, but only as long as he was certain Kili wasn’t seriously ill or hurt.

But it seemed he’d taken things too far.

“I’ve really been an arse these last couple of weeks, have I not?” he wondered, heaving a deep sigh.

Dropping heavily on the couch he ruffled a hand through his hair. Now that worry and anger had left, there was only regret and exhaustion swashing to and fro within him.

“No, you have every right to be angry and I would understand if you can never forgive me!” Kili replied hurriedly.

The brunet took a seat at the other end of the couch, holding something in his hands Fili couldn’t quite identify before the younger folded his arms in front of his chest.

“Perhaps, but if you think I don’t care about you anymore, I must’ve taken things too far. It’s just…” Leaning back and sinking deeper into the cushions, the blond turned his gaze to the ceiling. “I don’t know how to trust you anymore after what you did… and to be honest, I’m not sure if I want to. You used me.”

“I’m sorry,” Kili whispered next to him. “I know that won’t change what happened, but it’s the truth. I never wanted to hurt you. I was so afraid of Azog and that Thrain wasn’t giving me a choice at all… it was stupid and I’m sorry you and the worm have to suffer for it.”

This caught his attention. That sounded different than on the day Kili had showed up on his doorstep. Back then he had spoken of the child like a thing… now… it seemed like he’d finally realised that there was more to it, that it wasn’t just a way of escaping an unwanted marriage.

“And it would really make me feel better if you would at least take my money to pay off your debt.”

“Kili-“

“No, please, hear me out.”

The brunet turned to him slightly and Fili followed this motion, glancing away from the ceiling in favour of looking the omega in the eyes.

“It’s my fault you lost your job. It’s my fault you can’t pay off your debt and have to work two jobs now. You have taken me in, are paying for everything and… just please… I owe you at least something! I know money can’t make it right again, but… it can get you out of debt. Don’t run yourself ragged because of me.”

He had unlearned to read Kili. Wasn’t able to tell anymore if sincerity was addressed at him or if an ulterior motive lurked behind those brown orbs.

“I will think about it,” he therefore answered.

It seemed to be enough for the moment, seeing as a small smile wandered to Kili’s lips. What followed, though, was the first comfortable silence between them since weeks. At least until the brunet’s stomach rumbled loudly. Fili chuckled. It seemed like not only his last meal was some time ago.

“What do you think about ordering pizza?” he suggested with a grin.

Kili’s smile grew until it reminded him of times in which they would joke and laugh and Kili’s bright expression would feel as warm as the rays of sunshine.

“That would be great, thanks!”

The phone was close enough to the couch that Fili didn’t even have to get up. Was it a proof of his inadequacy in the kitchen that he knew the number of the pizza service from memory? If so his tired limbs thanked him for it right now.

“Pizza margherita like always?”

A blush crept to Kili’s cheeks.

“Um… actually… if they… um… if they make them I… I would like a fried egg pizza.”

Eggs? On a pizza?

“Uh… sure… I will ask,” Fili said, lacking better words.

The omega’s face turned, if possible, even redder. And then it dawned on him. Cravings. That had to be the explanation. It was the first time Kili asked for something unusual, so he hadn’t immediately understood how to interpret it. Was this the first time he was hit by them or just the first he dared to utter them out loud? The latter felt a little worrisome.

“You know what?” he told him. “We still have eggs here. If they don’t we will just fry some and put them on top!”

The surprised look crossing his features was answer enough and so Fili called and ordered and thankfully they served Kili’s strange order, so they could remain comfortably on the couch until the delivery.

Once the issue of food was out of the way, Fili’s mind returned to the unexpected way the night had progressed.

“Where have you been today?” he finally asked the question he should’ve right from the beginning.

“Oh, I just saw a doctor.”

A doctor? Fili frowned. Why was that? Had he felt unwell? Suddenly Fili thought of all things like toxemia of pregnancy and was instantly alarmed. In all of his opinions of deserved consequences, he’d completely forgotten that complications during pregnancy could end deadly. Usually a doctor’s offices closed long before Kili had returned home. Was something serious the reason? Couldn’t they send him off sooner, because it would’ve been irresponsible?

“Are you alright?” Fili blurted out worriedly.

It didn’t matter if he ever managed to forgive Kili or to trust him again, they had been friends for too long to muffle his protective instincts.

“Yes, I’m… _we_ are fine.”

As he unfolded his arms in favour to put a hand to the small swell of his belly, Fili was hit with the observation once again. Kili looked different.

“It was just a check-up.”

“A check-up that took this long?” Fili wondered.

“It was my first check-up and Oin was busy. He couldn’t look at me sooner.”

First check-up? After how many weeks? Seventeen? Eighteen? Although Fili shouldn’t hold it against him. He hadn’t been very interested in these things either.

“And by the time we were finished the busses had changed into their routes for the night and I was distracted, got out a stop too late and had to walk back and wait for the next bus,” Kili continued.

“What on earth could have you so distracted?” Fili exclaimed in confusion. There was a voice announcing the next stop, after all.

Kili hesitated for a few heartbeats and then he brought to light, what had been hidden by his body so far. First there was a booklet, plain white and with blue lettering, revealing it as a pregnancy record, where the doctor wrote down every important fact about the progress of the pregnancy. The other thing was an almost black print. Fili’s stomach seemed to do a somersault at the sight.

“The picture of the first ultrasound. Do you wanna see?”

Kili held it out to him, an expression on his features Fili was unable to read. It was hard to focus on anything but his strongly pounding heart or the sound of blood rushing through his ears. He didn’t know if he wanted to see the picture. He wasn’t interested in the child, so what good would it do to see it?

In the end, though, he found himself reaching for it reluctantly. It would probably just be a black blob that hadn’t even partly resemblance to a human being. And if it helped to keep this night as pleasant as it was right now, looking at it briefly would be a small price to pay.

What he saw, though, when he turned his gaze to it, wasn’t a formless clump. There was the shape of a head and a tiny nose, a little arm, a round tummy. It was resting so calmly in it’s safe bubble. That was his child. His tiny, beautiful baby. A little worm, indeed. Kili couldn’t have phrased it more accurately.

From one moment to another the picture turned blurry and Fili had to wipe a hand over his eyes, to catch the tears. What was wrong with him? This was just… this was just… no… no he couldn’t become all emotional! He didn’t want it. He didn’t!

But it was so small. It needed both of them. It needed love and protection and someone, who would always be there for it, no matter what.

“Do,” Fili cleared his throat, when his voice threatened to break. “Do you know what it’s going to be?”

“Not yet,” Kili said softly. “Oin thinks it might be a boy, but the position made it hard to tell. So it will have to stay my little worm for now,” he added with a smile.

The ringing of the doorbell was what stopped Fili from correcting him. It was their little worm. But considering that they had just managed to talk normally with one another, it would’ve been wrong to utter it.

Instead Fili got up to pay for the pizzas, whereas Kili headed into the kitchen to get a knife and some plates. They turned the TV on to drown out the hungry silence and lazed on the couch while demolishing their food.

Kili moaned happily, whereas Fili could only pull a face at that weird pizza. Soon, however, Fili’s gaze wandered down to where the brunet’s shirt had pulled tight around his midsection in the current position. The small bump was clearly visible and the alpha had to force his eyes away from the sight, before Kili noticed.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t keep his eyes away for long. He thought of the little worm inside, of a small being, half him and half Kili. They were going to have a baby. He was going to be a father. Perhaps it wasn’t only the younger, who hadn’t really understood what pregnant meant. For the first time Fili believed to know what would await them. Age didn’t matter anymore. The safety of their child mattered.

Oh, how he wished to place his hand on the swell and feel for the worm. But he wouldn’t ask. Not yet at least. Merely yanked his gaze away, turning it to the show they were watching and was grateful for Kili’s extreme hunger, preventing the brunet from realising what Fili was truly admiring.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

“So, you’ve decided you want the kid, after all?” his father asked Fili two days later.

The weather was still warm for October, a golden autumn so to say and Dwalin wanted to use the great opportunity for a last barbeque, ere rain and fog would begin to cover the outskirts of the city. He had invited his brother Balin, some of his colleagues and Bard, Nori and Ori, three of Fili’s friends.

The bald man had banned his guests to the patio, where Fili could hear them cheer occasionally, informing him that their team was doing pretty well at the current football match. Out of all of them, Dwalin and Balin were the only people who knew both sides of the story of Fili’s future fatherhood. Balin was probably the only employee that couldn’t be fired, he knew too much and Thrain depended on him more than he would like to admit, which also made him the only person in the family without money issues. Dwalin was a war veteran and unable to work the usual hours, so his job was just enough to keep the wolf from the door. Fili had to pay off a debt and his mother had left the family years ago, to live somewhere where women were actually hired. In the past Fili had been furious with her for leaving them for a job, but today the blond understood she had gone mad without something else to do than simply being a mum. Since a year they stayed in tenuous contact again.

Stubbornness seemed to run in the family. Why else would he and his father always decline Balin’s offer of supporting them with money?

Fili took a pull on the beer bottle.

“Seems so,” he said with a shrug. “He showed me a picture of the ultrasound and… I don’t know.”

Dwalin hummed, which sounded more like a rumble coming from his deep voice. The grill hissed when the steaks were turned.

“Do you want to see it?” Fili blurted out on instinct.

He didn’t know why. Had just wanted to inform his father about his thoughts and perhaps even hoping to receive some advice on how to proceed now, instead here he was, asking stuff in the heat of the moment, as if he was an excited boy again.

Dwalin cast a critical glance at the meat, before nodding to himself.

“Sure.”

Fili fumbled for the picture, stored away safely in the pockets of his dark zip hoodie, while Dwalin wiped his hands off on his apron. Nervously he gave his father the little print and waited for a reaction. The alpha looked at it far longer than Fili had anticipated, but no emotion crossed his features. They were stoic as if set in stone.

Then however, just when Fili wanted to empty his bottle out of nervousness, a small smile crept to Dwalin’s lips.

“A little beauty,” he commented.

His reaction took a load off his mind. For a second he had believed his father would call him out on this nonsense. To say Dwalin was angry when Fili had informed him about the occurrence of the pregnancy would be the understatement of the year, he had been livid. If Balin hadn’t been there to stop him, Fili had no doubt his father would’ve otherwise driven to Thrain’s house and given the brunet a piece of his mind. Making Dwalin angry wasn’t something one easily recovered from.

This was also the reason why Fili hadn’t asked Kili to accompany him. Everyone present here would be on the outs with him.

Dwalin pulled him in a brief but tight hug, once he’d tired of looking at the ultrasound and the meat demanded his attention again. He still kept it in his hand, though and Fili was already beginning to fear for it. This was the only picture of their little worm and at the thought of grease spots or singed edges ruining it almost caused him to hyperventilate.

But then his father turned to the patio, raising the print into the air like a trophy and whistled loudly.

“Hey! Stop watching that unimportant stuff! Move your butts over here and take a look at my grandchild!”

For the first time in his life Fili saw Dwalin share his expensive cigars – the only thing he treated himself with regularly – with the other guys present. The blond’s mood was merry and everyone congratulated him. Even his friends, who seemed still a little cautious about the sudden turn of events, offered Fili their support.

They laughed and talked, drank and enjoyed the steaks. Like every time Dwalins vowed at one point to break the leg of everyone, daring to trick him into revealing the ingredients of his special sauce he always served to the meat while he was drunk, with Nori commenting it would be a well-paid price.

The mood was merry, food and drink exquisite and Fili just felt genuinely proud and happy. He wondered if all parents-to-be felt so pleased about a child that hadn’t even been born yet.

It was only in the quiet moments, when they sat around a warm campfire, for example, that Fili’s happiness was dulled a little. Was there even one person that had congratulated Kili?

On the next day Fili helped his father to clean up. Everyone else had already left late at night. The blond had decided to sleep at the house that held so many childhood memories. He had drunken too much and at the time there were no busses back into the city anyway. Once the garden and the patio were tidied up, Fili did the washing up while his father dried the dishes.

“How are the things between you and Kili? Still strained?”

“More or less,” Fili admitted, handing Dwalin another plate. “We had a normal conversation after he returned from the check-up, but…” He shrugged.

Whenever Fili sought the omega’s presence during the last two days, it had been because of the baby. Glancing at the small bump he found himself wondering how tiny the worm was. On the picture it looked bigger than it actually could be. He wondered if Kili took good enough care of both of them. If he ate and slept enough. If the little worm could already hear what was happening around it, if it knew how fast it had won Fili’s heart?

“You need to get your shit together,” Dwalin commented bluntly. “I know it is hard after what happened, but try to become friends again.”

“I’m not sure if I want to let him into my life like this again,” Fili confessed with a sigh, washing up the last piece of cutlery and turning around to lean against the sink.

“I understand that. But don’t think of yourself or Kili. Think of the child. It will have a better life if its parents don’t despise each other, but act in concert. You know how it feels, when everything breaks apart because one of your parents is unhappy for too long.”

Dwalin got a point. If Fili thought back at the time, the urge to protect his worm from all the rage and pain he’d felt at the time was almost unbearable. And yet…

“I don’t know how to do that.”

Dwalin put the last of the dishes away and turned to face him afterwards.

“Firstly, you will accept his money to pay off that god damn debt of yours.”

Staring at his father as if he’d lost his mind, Fili shook his head.

“No, I won’t! I will pay it off on my own. Besides, you are telling me to accept money while you refuse uncle Balin’s money every time!”

If someone didn’t have the right to tell him what to do and what not, when it came to money, it was his father. He was the most stubborn, pig-headed nuisance one could think of in that matter and now he thought he could tell Fili how to handle finances?

“That’s something completely different. For example, I don’t have a debt to pay off and no baby on the way,” Dwalin shot back. “How long do you want to work two jobs, barely managing to pay anything back at all? If the baby is born, you won’t manage both of it. Let alone that there are still tons of stuff to buy. Yeah, I’m sure we still have some of your old clothes stored in the attic, but you will also need a crib, a buggy or a baby sling, if that’s more your thing, let alone nappies. You need to get that debt out of the way or you will end up in an even worse situation.”

Fili felt his cheeks heat up at all the stuff his father listed, telling him once again that he seriously needed to inform himself. He was right. Of course he was right. With two jobs he might have to choose what he wanted to use his money for, their worm or the debt. Everything was pointing in big colourful letters at accepting the money, but there was this one part of him… this one tiny part that feared it.

“I just don’t want to owe him something,” Fili protested weakly.

“Owe him?” Dwalin roared. “He owes you! Lying to you, getting pregnant against your will, causing you to lose your job and despite it you are giving him food and shelter, you even want to take over responsibility for the child. No one would’ve held it against you, had you refused to acknowledge the child at all. He owes you a lot more than that money and don’t you dare to believe otherwise. Regardless what he tells you, you owe him nothing!”

“He hasn’t said that,” he began quietly, but didn’t finish the sentence. It didn’t matter right now. What was important was to memorise his father’s words, because having them out in the open like this, then indeed, Fili had to agree, yet when he himself tried to tell him the same thing, it seemed to have less effect. “So, first the money and then?”

“Then you quit the cleaning job.”

“What? No, I’ve just-“

“The salary is terrible, Fili. You will quit the job and look for something else, something where the payment matches the efforts and when you found that one, you will also stop working as a dustman. Use the time it will give you to educate yourself and most importantly, spent time with Kili. You need to be comfortable around each other when the baby comes.”

Even though it sounded so easy, Fili wasn’t very happy with the idea of quitting one of his jobs. Sure, his father might be right about the way he viewed it, but it would mean less income until he found a better option and after the lecture about how much babies cost, this seemed like the completely wrong direction.

On the other hand he trusted Dwalin not to put him into an even worse situation and so he planned to write his dismissal once he reached home, along with telling Kili he would accept the money.

He couldn’t hear the word anymore. Money. Money. Money. Whoever had said money didn’t make happy but more relaxed was definitely right. Fili would feel a lot more comfortable if he didn’t have to think about money just for a couple of days.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili noticed immediately that something was different about Fili, when he returned from the barbeque with his friends and family. The brunet had spent the evening in front of the TV and had slept in on the following day. The food in the fridge hadn’t really looked appealing, but know that he needed something to eat, he’d forced himself to a bowl of oatmeal, while everything inside him just screamed for a jar of blueberry jam and a spoon.

With Fili’s arrival things started to turn. The blond told him he would accept the money and just an hour later they were already on their way to the bank. They got what they needed, paid the remaining amount of the debt in one go and then left in a far merrier mood. Kili, because he could finally be of use for something, and Fili probably because he had one thing less to worry about.

This wasn’t it for the day, however, for the alpha suddenly invited him to lunch. Kili protested, saying that it would be too expensive, but Fili was having none of it. The alpha led him to a small restaurant, where barely any of the tables were occupied. The dishes they served, though, sounded all delicious. Kili could’ve murdered for one of the desserts, but since one of them certainly wouldn’t satisfy his hunger and more than one would easily overrun their budget – at least that was what Kili assumed – he went for something appropriate.

“I will have the pumpkin-soup, I think,” he told Fili.

The blond frowned at him, while Kili pretended to study the ingredients.

“Kili,” the alpha addressed him, trying to catch his attention. It took him a couple of seconds to pry his eyes loose from the menu and to meet the other’s worried gaze. “I invited you to lunch, not to an appetiser that will have you starving hours before dinner.”

“Everything is so expensive,” he tried to argue.

“We just paid off my debt, I have an entire pay check that’s waiting for a purpose,” Fili replied.

That might be true, but it could be certainly used for better things. From the day Kili had begun to live in Fili’s humble little house, he had realised that counting on any kind of luxury was out of question. And he didn't even want to. For years he’d gotten what he asked for without limitation. Whereas Fili’s life had been one of relinquishment. After what he’d done, he didn’t want to take any more from the alpha than he already had. It felt wrong and disgusting.

“It could be used better,” Kili stressed. “You could use it for something that makes you happy.”

“You know what would make me happy?” Fili asked him without hesitation.

Simply staring at the other Kili wasn’t able to react. Couldn’t get a word out with the tightness suddenly choking up his throat nor shake his head. He could guess what was coming now. Fili would tell him it would make him happy if he left.

“It would make me happy to know the little worm has everything it needs and your body knows best what it needs. So please, Kili, order what you want and tell me what you need.”

Fili watched him closely, perhaps making sure Kili had listened to every word. To hear the other thought so highly of him, thought that he knew what was best for the baby, filled him with an unjustified wave of warmth. For, if Kili had to be honest, he wasn’t so sure if he truly knew it. One of his hands wandered automatically to the soft curve of his belly. There was nothing to feel, just an unmistakable weight he carried around.

So far he had done a poor job with taking care of his little worm. The first check-up was done far too late, he wasn’t eating very much, since he swallowed most stuff only out of duty and not appetite, which was why his servings were actually smaller than before the pregnancy and even now he wouldn’t allow himself to give in to the cravings.

It needed to change. It couldn’t continue like this and regardless how much the understanding of Fili’s initial words hurt, this wasn’t about him. The alpha had realised this already.

“I… I would like to have the waffles then, with vanilla ice cream and strawberries, and also the caramelised pineapples with cream… lots of cream,” Kili forced himself to utter.

A soft smile had wandered to Fili’s lips.

“Anything else?” he said kindly.

“Well…,” Kili hesitated, “per-perhaps… also the tropical fruit salad?”

“Good,” Fili grinned and turned eagerly to the approaching waiter.

Oh, how much the brunet wished that smile could be directed at him again and not only at the baby.

They took their time with lunch and chatted in a way that had begun to feel unfamiliar. Fili told him about the barbeque and Kili tried not to be jealous, but it was in vain. The only thing that worked well was hiding it. He hadn’t seen one of his friends since he had been disowned and Kili couldn’t even say if they still wanted to be his friends.

When Fili asked after his day, the younger simply shrugged and changed the topic to a direction that would have the blond talking. What should he tell him anyway? That he was bored to death? That he felt like crying at least every other day? That the only joy he had at the moment was going to the playground and listen to the laughter of children? It would just ruin the mood.

By the time they had finished and paid Fili didn’t lead him immediately to the bus stop, which had him frowning in confusion. Instead they went into the nearby supermarket and Fili told him to put everything in the trolley Kili wanted.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the moment I consider posting daily, but I'm not sure yet if I should really go through with it. I might test it over the next couple of days, to see how it goes. Please tell me, if you think it's too fast and you feel like you can't catch up with the new chapters and I will go back to posting every two days. :')

 

 

After five weeks of trying, following Dwalin’s advice and less stress, Fili had to admit, things were looking better. From the day Fili had invited Kili to lunch he had changed a couple of things, finally becoming aware of Kili’s needs and how poorly both of them had addressed them. Instead of going out, whenever work was finished or he had a day off, it was spent with Kili. They watched movies or went for a walk or met Fili’s friends in a pup. They always made sure it was one where smoking wasn’t allowed inside and the blond was so grateful for his mates. It was obvious that they still had their aversions to Kili, but they treated him in a decent manner and so Fili didn’t have to stay at home all the time to repair his and the brunet’s friendship.

Today was one of the coldest days so far and if the thick snowflakes continued to fall like they did right now, Fili hoped to lure the brunet outside. The alpha loved snow and just the thought that, just in a few years, he would hurry outside to build a snowman with his own child, made his heart melt at the thought.

He couldn’t estimate if the snow of today would be enough to build one, but he certainly wanted to find out and try. At least if it didn’t stop snowing all of a sudden, but with the way the clouds looked they might be lucky and it would continue for a long while.

Fili smiled. Good. That was very good.

“Fili!”

At the call the blond whirled around, heading for the stairs and towards the living room.

“Fili! Hurry!”

“What’s going on?” he shouted as he sprinted down the stairs.

Had something happened? Was Kili in pain? Did they need to call Oin? Was their little worm okay? All kinds of terrible scenarios crossed Fili’s mind in the few seconds it took him to reach the living room. Out of breath with fear and a heart that attempted to pound out of his chest, Fili spotted Kili on the couch.

“Come on! Come over! Fast!”

Running over to the omega, he tried to see if something was amiss, but Kili didn’t look sick at all.

“What the hell is-,“ ere he was able to finish, the brunet had already grabbed his wrist and pulled it hectically towards the growing belly.

Fili’s eyes widened in wonder, hand pressed flat to the bump as a wiggle set it into motion. There was… that was movement under Kili’s skin! The omega’s belly had grown steadily over the last weeks, but while the younger had informed him to feel a soft fluttering inside of him then and again, this was the first time Fili was able to feel the foetal movements himself.

There! Another little wiggle right under his hand. It was impossibly beautiful and he had to sit down on the armrest of the couch, unwilling to move his palm away from this spot anytime soon, but with his back protesting at his bend position.

“I’m sorry if I scared you, but I was afraid you would miss it,” Kili’s voice cut through the silence, while a third and fourth twitch wandered through the bump.

Fili grinned.

“You can scare me like that anytime, if this is the reward.”

It was the only way for him to get in contact with his child and Fili savoured every moment of it.

Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Fili laughed.

“Someone is having a party in there,” he joked softly, drawing a chuckle from Kili’s lips.

Tearing his eyes away Fili met the brunet’s gaze. A gentle smile was adorning his features that made him look even younger. All of this had been a mistake, a stupid decision, but Kili was now dealing with it as best as he could. Regularly visiting Oin for check-ups and keeping Fili up-to-date in the health of their little worm. So far everything was progressing wonderfully. Fili was truly proud of him now and therefore naturally returned the smile.

The omega held his gaze for a couple of heartbeats, ere he averted his eyes, cheeks taking on a red hue.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

What an awful day. The heating wasn’t working and the next repairman couldn’t work them in before tomorrow. His little house had a small fireplace, but Fili had not once used it since moving in and no fire wood around. In the end Dwalin had brought them something, but it didn’t help that the living room was now the only warm spot in this house.

He and Kili huddled under a blanket in front of the fire and tried to pass the evening with playing poker and other card games. The omega suffered especially from the cold, the little worm had discovered what a great toy Kili’s bladder seemed to be and sent him almost every quarter of an hour to the toilet. Fili winced in sympathy, whenever the younger man had to get up again and climb the stairs to the icy bathroom.

The tea Fili made him constantly drink probably wasn’t very helpful either, but the brunet needed to drink enough and so it seemed like a necessary evil.

If it hadn’t been for the failing heating it would’ve been a nice evening. The streets were completely snowed under and the wind was howling through the front yard, causing window panes to jiggle in their entrenchments. This, along with the fire, felt cosy, a night one just spent at home and didn’t wander around outside. If only the other rooms were warm as well.

When Kili sighed once again and headed wordlessly to the stairs Fili got up as well. If this ordeal didn’t justify a hot chocolate, then nothing did. Tightening the fabric of the three layers of clothing he was wearing, Fili waited for the chocolate to melt into the water. Gazing at the pot then and again he tried to keep himself warm with collecting the whipped cream and the marshmallows.

“Fili?” Kili’s confused voice reached him.

“I will be back with you in a minute or so!” Fili called back, bobbing up and down on the balls of his feet after he’d gathered everything he needed.

Because of the temperature in the kitchen it took a little longer than planned and his toes felt like ice, when he was finally done - why exactly had he believed to need no slippers? – and walked back into the living room, carrying a small tray with two big mugs of hot chocolate.

Kili, sitting in front of the fire again and wrapped into a blanket, brightened at the sight. A huge smile wandered to his lips and he gladly accepted the mug Fili had prepared with a double portion of whipped cream and marshmallows and a little topping of chocolate sprinkles.

“You are fattening me,” Kili replied with a laugh, but accepted the mug eagerly.  “It smells delicious, thank you!”

“It’s cold, we deserve a treat and our little worm needs to grow big and strong,” he said cheekily.

“Which will turn me fat!” the omega complained in feigned outrage.

Kili reached for one of the spoons, still lying on the tray and shoved a spoonful of sprinkled cream into his mouth and moaned with gusto. Fili chuckled as he took a seat beside the brunet, happy to return to the security of his own blanket.

“Has someone called you back already, about the applications you sent in?”

“Not yet,” at least in the nicely-paid-section. “But companies like Mirkwood receive lots of applications each month, so perhaps it just needs some more time.”

“They should hurry. They don’t know what they are missing,” Kili said gently, taking a sip from his mug after devouring cream and marshmallows.

Casting the other a fond glance, Fili smiled contently. It was touching to know Kili thought so highly of him. Although, of course, perhaps he just tried to cheer him up. Working as a personal servant was certainly something different than sitting in an office all day. Still, it was always good to know that there were people believing in him.

They emptied their mugs in silence, listening to the fire cracking and huddling closer together in their need for even more warmth. It was nice in front of the fire, but their backs weren’t warmed by the same flickering light.

“Hey!” he called out all of a sudden, when their lasting closeness brought something to his attention. “You didn’t have to get up since the hot chocolate was ready!”

Kili blinked with surprise.

“You are right,” he gasped. “It must be asleep.”

The thought was comforting. Their little worm, safe and getting all the rest it needed. Fili almost wanted to sneak a hand under Kili’s blanket, to feel for it himself, but he didn’t dare without invitation yet. They were moving towards each other again, but some boundaries couldn’t be crossed for now.

He couldn’t say how long they sat afterwards silently in front of the fire, only knew that at one point Kili’s head dropped onto his shoulder, his even breathing indicating he’d fallen asleep. It had been a stressful day and it was late, so Fili couldn’t fault him. And even when this sitting position became uncomfortable after a while, the blond stayed put, unwilling to disturb Kili's sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili tried to sleep, but regardless which way he turned, he couldn’t find any rest. The couch hadn’t been that comfortable to begin with, but he’d gotten used to it after some time. Now with his pregnancy progressing, the child gaining strength and becoming more active, it had turned once again into a challenge. Right now the worm was protesting, pounding unhappily inside of him, when he tried to rest on one of his sides. He couldn’t sleep any other way on this piece of furniture, though. It was too short and he had to bend is legs while lying on his back. This position wasn’t for sleeping, though, at least his body didn’t feel like complying.

And so he stayed on his side, rubbing soothing circles over the swell in hopes it would provide him with any relief. It did not. At some point the brunet gave up, turned on the TV and let the voices of a show wash over him. The wiggling of his belly continued. After reading a thing here and there he thought for a while it might be simply hiccups, but the movements seemed to go on for too long and always began anew, when he turned from his back onto his side. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

The show ended, another started and went by and another set of news was up. Kili was tired, but everything pinched too much to float over into the land of dreams.

“Kili?” Fili’s voice suddenly reached him, groggy and confused.

Craning his neck to look past the armrest he spotted the blond, who was watching him from halfway down the stairs.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Kili asked after muting the news.

The alpha nodded, rubbing a hand over his face.

“I will turn the volume down, okay?”

“What are you still doing awake? It’s late.”

Staggering the last steps down, Fili walked over to him.

“I can’t sleep,” Kili confessed with a sigh.

In the flickering light of the TV Fili frowned.

“Is it the baby?”

“To some extent.”

Fidgeting, when his arm started to go numb in his current position, Kili rolled onto his back, which immediately greeted him with a twinge. He grimaced.

“Come upstairs,” Fili told him kindly.

Returning his gaze to the alpha, he tried to comprehend if there was a secret meaning he didn’t understand.

“What?”

“I let you stay far too long on that couch and my bed is big enough for two. Come upstairs, please. You need your sleep.”

Was that okay? Kili couldn’t say if he liked this offer. He was comfortable in Fili’s presence without a doubt, but after weeks of distance – even though things had begun to look up a while ago – he just wasn’t able to tell if going along with it would be appropriate. Fili hadn’t uttered any words of forgiveness so far, so it was safe to assume he still somewhere nursed the pain Kili had afflicted. Wouldn’t his own rest suffer, if the brunet slept beside him?

“If… if you are sure?” he replied carefully.

“Of course I am. Come on, let’s go, before I fall asleep while standing here.” As if to emphasise his response, a yawn overcame the blond.

Kili struggled onto his feet, just for the world to turn black for a second. Arms wrapped around his chest before he could topple over, holding him upright until the spell had passed.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Fili whispered frantically at him. “Careful there. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Kili gasped, legs still feeling a little weak. Fili seemed to sense it, since he didn’t loosen his hold around him. “Just… just dizzy for a second. It happens then and again.”

From the way the arms tightened around him, Kili assumed that his friend wasn’t happy with the answer.

The way upstairs was done with an arm wound around Fili’s neck and even though the omega had felt strong enough to cover the way on his own after just a couple of steps, he didn’t protest. He felt warm and safe so close to the alpha. His heart was pounding like mad and Fili’s rich and strong scent made his breath hitch.

Once reaching the big futon bed, feeling Fili lie down on the other side of the mattress, Kili had no trouble falling asleep at all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili hadn’t intended to stop by the shop after his job interview, especially since it had went terrible and he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to get the job as an executive, he was probably aiming higher than he should anyway, but then he’d crossed the street and spotted the sign. Layette and babywear and he just couldn’t stop himself.

Now he returned home with a bag in his hand and a grin on his face. He had seen it and immediately thought of Kili and hoped he would like his little present. He would’ve to pay this shop a visit with Kili one day as well. There was so much they would be in need of in a couple of months, but the big decision of a fitting crib and stuff like that, should be one they would make together.

The brunet was in the kitchen, when Fili arrived, amidst demolishing a sandwich that looked like it contain nothing but cheese and a thick layer of honey. The blond almost stopped dead in his tracks with bewilderment. There were some things he just couldn’t get used to and seeing Kili’s strange eating habits was one of them.

The omega sent him a chubby-cheeked smile as a greeting, chewing as fast and methodically as possible and greeting him happily once he’d swallowed.

“Oh! What do you have there?” Kili asked him curiously.

The letters on the bag were betraying were his short shopping trip had led him, but the inside of it remained a secret for now.

“It’s just a small thing. I was on my way home and just couldn’t walk past the shop and when I spotted it inside, I immediately had to think of you and… I just hope you will like it.”

Fili walked over to the table and took a seat right next Kili. Handing him the bag, the brunet didn’t hesitate for a second and pulled out his gift. His eyes went wide at the sight of the baby blanket. A soft yellow pattern covered the fabric in eight big squares, each and every one contained a little motif. A sunflower, bees and butterflies. The insects with their embroidered wide smiles and happy expression seemed to fit not only well to their nickname for their baby, but also to Kili himself.

There had been a time when Kili’s smiles and laughter had shone as brightly as the sun. They had been dimmed for a while, but were about to discover their old strength once more.

He waited patiently for the omega’s reaction. Kili opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, let his fingers wander over the soft fabric and at last, voiced a choked sounding laugh. With eyes shimmering moistly, he pressed the blanket to his chest and gifted Fili a wobbly smile.

Fili returned it, wide and proud to have picked the right blanket.

“This is perfect,” Kili whispered, deeply moved. “Thank you so much, Fili.”

And before the blond was able to react, Kili suddenly darted forward, winding his arms around him and pulling the alpha into a tight hug.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

Fili groaned as he pushed the door open. The spot behind his shoulder was still pounding furiously and sent waves of agony through his body, whenever he moved to suddenly. He should have a doctor look at it, he knew, just in case it was more than simple overexertion, but he couldn’t afford to lose a day’s worth of money for calling in sick. At least not until he’d found a better job.

Kili was at his side just a couple of seconds later after the door had closed.

“Here, let me help you,” he told him and carefully guided his arm out of the thick coat, trying to be as gentle as possible.

Fili smiled gratefully at him. Hopefully two days of rest would be enough to heal whatever bothered him, so it wouldn’t hinder him at work once more.

“Thank you,” the blond heaved a sigh of relief by the time the coat was diligently put away.

“I’ve run a bath for you. The warm water might help a little,” Kili informed him.

His first impulse was to grumble unhappily. A bath needed far more water than a simple shower, which in turn would create more expenses and despite having a little more, now that his debt was paid off, they needed to put it aside for the little worm. Fili didn’t give in to his initial thought, though, instead tried to understand Kili’s actions and soon realised his friend was simply worried and trying to help.

And so he only nodded tiredly.

“Thank you.”

“Do you want me to help you with getting undressed?” Kili wondered softly.

Out of instinct he wanted to refuse, but considering how painful it would’ve turned out just to take off his coat, Fili agreed.

And the bath truly seemed to be glorious idea. His muscles relaxed, the pain ebbed away and a soft sigh was drawn from his lips. Although, of course, it was too good to be true. By the time he wanted to get out, his shoulder protested again at the strength he asked of it and he sunk back into the bath tub, water sloshed over the edge and covered the tiles.

A knock sounded on the other side of the door not much later. Kili, who had told him he was going to wait outside to help him with getting dressed afterwards, must’ve heard his pathetic attempt to get out.

“Fili? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah, it’s fine,” he called back and sighed deeply once again.

His next try was more successful. Knowing he couldn’t count on one of his arms, he worked with the other and his legs and while he had to look like a beached whale, struggling out of the bath tub, at least it ended with him drying himself off. After getting into his underpants, he joined Kili.

“I’m sorry, I fear I flooded the bathroom. I will clean it up in a second.”

“No, let me take care of it,” Kili protested.

“Kili,” he tried to argue, but wasn’t given the chance to finish.

“No, come on. You are working so hard and I’m home the whole day. I can do that. You go and get some rest.”

It made sense, there was no way to deny it and Kili needed something to do as well, to feel useful, but Fili couldn’t help the desire of keeping any kind of strain away from the brunet and the little worm inside of him. In the end, though, the omega’s adamant expression and the pain in Fili’s shoulder won and so he lay down with a heating pad.

Mopping the floor didn’t seem to take long, for Kili returned not much later, watching him worriedly. Which was completely exaggerated, in Fili’s opinion. It was just some pain, he could handle it and would be as right as rain in no time… or at least so he hoped.

“How are you feeling?”

“The warmth is helping.”

Kili hummed before walking over to him and taking a seat on the mattress.

“Would you let me try something?”

Fili frowned at first, examining the other’s features quizzically for a few heartbeats.

He shrugged with one shoulder. “Sure, can’t make it worse. Anything I need to do?”

“Turn on your stomach.”

Fili complied and rolled over. He felt the bed move a little, when Kili crawled onto the mattress completely. The heating pad was taken from his shoulder and suddenly a brush of cool fingers touched his skin. Fili flinched.

“Sorry!” the brunet apologised hurriedly.

He wanted to reply that he hadn’t done anything wrong, that the touch had simply surprised him, but the other’s hands were already back and began to gently massage his shoulders, luring a groan from his lips. His fingers weren’t cold like Fili had thought at first, the heated skin of his shoulder had just made it to appear like that.

Kili’s kneaded his skin tenderly at first, but soon dug his digits deeper into Fili’s muscles, finding hardened knots that took his breath away if the brunet treated them with too much pressure. It seemed, though, like those knots were exactly what the omega had been searching for, pushing his thumb painfully against it and rubbing small circles into them. Fili’s breathing turned laborious and he wanted to snap at his friend to stop, but then, so very slowly, the pain reduced.

A groan of relief escaped his lips.

“Does that feel better?” Kili asked him softly.

“Yes, don’t stop.”

 And Kili didn’t. Sometimes he would move his hands to other parts of his back and massage them and then return to his aching shoulder and give it a little more attention. He was thoroughly and didn’t seem to get tired of it, not even stopping when Fili was already a relaxed puddle on the bed.

“Where did you learn this?”

“Oin did this sometimes, when I had a tense neck and stuff and I just tried to copy his massage.”

Fili snorted. “Why does that not surprise me? Is there anything Oin can’t do?”

Kili chuckled, a sound so soft and warm it took Fili’s breath away for a second.

“Well, Thrain paid him lots of trainings, so he could deal with almost everything that might occur in the family, but apart from that Oin is only a specialist in gynaecology and general medicine.”

“Huh,” Fili blurted out. “Well, I don’t care what brought this on. Just… thank you.”

“Anytime.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili had stayed up to wait for Kili’s return. He had another check-up with Oin and therefore would arrive late. Knowing that the brunet felt nervous before every appointment and hence didn’t eat, the alpha had cooked some pasta, spinach and fish, just something that would be easy on the stomach for their usual bed time, and waited.

So far things had progressed well, so Fili was trying not to worry. He would feel a little less agitated, though, had he accompanied Kili. His friend hadn’t uttered any desire to have him come along and so Fili hadn’t asked either. Things were going well between them and so he didn’t want to provoke an argument. He had chatted at work with some of his colleagues, who had children at home as well and advised him to avoid any kind of stress for the omega. Stress had been an issue in the beginning and so Fili had decided not even a little ounce of stress would be added onto the brunet’s shoulders in the next couple of months.

Those musings made him almost miss the sound of an unlocking door. Kili entered, looking tired but not in the least concerned. The corners of his mouth went upwards, once he spotted Fili.

“Everything is going fine. Oin-”

More Fili didn’t need to know and so he stopped the other: “Tell me while we eat. You must be starving.”

Kili agreed and so Fili walked over to help him out of his coat, which only caused the smile on the omega’s features to brighten.

In the kitchen Fili made sure to hand the brunet the bigger serving and waited until Kili had eaten half of it, before asking after Oin’s assessment.

“Oin says our little worm has a height of about thirty-four centimetres and weighs almost eight hundred gram. Vital functions are doing well and the organs are developing fine,” his friend told him proudly.

Fili grinned, infected by Kili’s happiness and the own excitement he was feeling. Just a few more months and he would finally be able to hold the little thing from the ultrasound picture. The child was healthy and that was all that mattered. They would make it work with the money, somehow. Perhaps he was going to accept Balin’s gifts for the first time.

“And what about you?” Fili added. He was more than glad the baby was doing well, but in a pregnancy it took two, whose health needed to be fine and it had happened quite often so far that Kili had downplayed his own needs. “Did Oin say you are doing alright as well?”

And that it had been a good idea to ask that question, told him the look crossing the brunet’s face afterwards. It was gone fast, but Fili had seen it and couldn’t help but worry now.

“Uh… yeah… I’m fine,” Kili replied little convincing. Noticing Fili’s stern gaze, he ducked his head with blushing cheeks. “I mean, he said the iron level in my blood doesn’t look so good, but he gave me pills to help with it.”

“Kili,” the blond said softly, catching his friend’s attention and restoring eye contact between them. “Your health is just as important.”

“I know.” His response wasn’t sounding convincing either and the mood dropped suddenly after this turn of the conversation.

“Did… did Oin tell you the sex? Is he now sure it’s a boy?” Fili asked, in equal measures trying to save the situation and satisfy his curiosity.

“He could’ve, but I told him not to tell me.”

Fili watched him carefully. So far he had assumed Kili wanted to know it just as strongly as he did.

“Why not?” he wondered, still surprised and unable to make sense of Kili’s decision.

The omega lowered his head, taking some deep breaths before returning his gaze and worrying the blond with this behaviour deeply.

“Would… would you come with me to the next check-up?”

Fili blinked. Kili wanted him to-

“It felt unfair… being there on my own and learning something you didn’t. I… I want you to be there, when Oin tells me the sex.”

Kili wanted him to be there. Kili wanted them in this together. Kili cared for his presence. Kili… was beginning to look uncomfortable at Fili’s lack of reaction.

“Of course,” he gasped breathlessly. “I will gladly come with you the next time.”

“Yeah?” his friend enquired with a wobbly smile.

“Yeah,” Fili confirmed it with nod, reaching for one of Kili’s hands and squeezing it reassuringly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You are awful,” Kili groaned.

The little worm was up and wanted to play and Fili had decided he would be the perfect playmate. With his shirt pulled up, Kili was lying on the bed, watching Fili press back against the nudge from the inside. But while the blond’s hand was merely a soft pressure, the kicks and punches going on within him made him wince more often than not.

“I’m spending some time with my child, I can’t see how this is awful,” Fili replied cheerily.

Kili huffed, flinching again and put a hand to the bottom of his swollen belly. The baby didn’t care for his request for peace, just pushed back against the place it had noticed Fili’s hand. The alpha laughed softly, once again pushing gently against the side of Kili’s stomach by the time the worm had stopped responding for a couple of seconds.

He couldn’t tell how long these two were playing that game already and if it hadn’t been so uncomfortable for him, he might have watched them interact with fondness, as it was, though, the bump was continuously rumbling and it was turning more and more exhausting with every passing minute. Why hadn’t he kept it a secret that the worm was awake and making his lower half wiggle? Why did he have to pull up his shirt and show his friend where a little hand was pressing? Why did he have to-

Kili screamed all of a sudden. Agony surged through his body that caused him to curl up with pain. In waves the hurt was rolling over him, making him cough and shortening his breaths. Breathing shallow was the only way to ease the pain to some extent, but it couldn’t stop the tormented whimpers leaving his lips with every exhale.

It felt like ages, until the pain began to dull, pounding through him with every other inhale.

“Kili?” Fili called him.

He sounded worried and a little panicked. The brunet, however, could only shake his head, pressed his lips into a thin line and closed his lids, still waiting for the pain to reduce further. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly.

“Kili, talk to me! What’s going on! Something with the baby? Do you need an ambulance?”

Shaking fingers were stroking his hair and the omega tried to concentrate on them instead of on the pain. And it worked. The furrow between his brows disappeared, his features relaxing again. He breathed evenly until only a slight ache reminded him of the pain he’d just felt.

Resting a hand at the spot, where the pain had resided, he couldn’t supress a breathless, humourless laugh, when he realised what had caused it.

“Good god,” he murmured, addressing his belly. “You are going to be an athlete.”

“Kili, what’s going on?” Fili demanded to know, pulling him out of his musings.

The blond looked completely beside himself. Eyes wide and concerned and trembling as if he was freezing.

“Don’t worry,” he croaked, uncurling slightly and enjoying the continuing motions in his hair. “The little worm just kicked.”

“A kick can do that?” Fili exclaimed with horror.

“It was a strong one and it hit my ribs.”

“God, Kili, come here!”

And then he was suddenly pulled into a warm embrace. The arms held him tight, making him feel secure and protected. The pain had drained a good deal of his energy and so he simply snuggled into it, inhaling Fili’s rich scent and listening to his rapidly pounding heartbeat right under his ear.

“For a second I thought you were going to die,” Fili whispered into his hair.

Kili could clearly hear him swallow and sniff.

“I’m sorry, I scared you. I swear, it was nothing but a kick.”

Despite trying to reassure his friends, the arms increased their hold around him. It was so nice and comforting. Oh, how he wished to be held like this more often. He wanted to be Fili’s friend again, needed his unreserved support and warmth. He wanted to feel again like he didn’t have to watch every word, every step, every breath. He wanted things to be like they once were.

“Please, please forgive me for what I did to you. I’m sorry, Fili. I’m so sorry, please be my friend again. Please!” he started sobbing uncontrolled into Fili’s chest.

“Shh,” Fili hushed him gently, rocking him back and force. “It’s okay. I forgive you. Don’t worry. It’s alright.”

Kili held on to the blond tightly, all the emotions he’d kept in for so long bursting out of him. While he cried Fili didn’t loosen his hold around him even once, only whispered soothing words into his hair and peppered his head with kisses.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This poor little group of mommies, whose children managed to break their ribs while in the womb. I can't even begin to imagine how much this must hurt.


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

_Kili sighed softly, raising his bottom just high enough so Fili could hook his thumbs under the waistband of his pants and pull them down and off in one smooth motion, revealing the erection hiding below the fabric. Hot air hit the tip of his cock, causing him to hiss and writhe on the sheets at the promise of Fili’s lips closing around it. His alpha seemed to have different plans, though, brushing the shaft with the tip of his nose, following the length to where it emerged from a nest of dark curls._

_He could hear Fili inhale deeply, taking in the omega’s scent and making him shudder with desire and anticipation. A kiss was pressed to the round belly, just below the navel, as Fili continued his journey upwards. Open mouthed kisses trailed over Kili’s chest, his nipples, his neck, while a hand gently caressed the side of his waist, touching him with the gentleness of a breeze pecking skin and caused him to shiver pleasantly._

_Humming with relish, the brunet’s hands clutched the sheets tighter, as if this could give him the hold he needed with the soft waves of pleasure rippling through him. It wasn’t yet the storm he hoped for, but he knew that Fili liked to draw these things out, so he needed to be prepared._

_The kisses stopped from one moment to another and blue eyes met brown. Fili was smirking, his gaze gleaming with pride and mischief, informing him he loved the sight Kili displayed. Flushed and already short of breath. The hand, only just busy with wandering over his flesh, came to a rest on the swollen belly, splaying wide, almost possessively, a fiery pressure on his heated body._

_And then Fili lunged forward, pressing their mouths together with a need that made their teeth clash. Fili kissed him with such hunger, as if Kili’s lips were the only thing that prevented him from drowning, urging the brunet to loosen his hold of the sheets and loop his arms around the alpha’s neck instead._

_Kili arched against him, his throbbing cock demanding attention, but Fili just growled deep in his mouth, sending small vibrations into their kiss and forced the omega’s instincts to obey. If he had thought the attempt to be in vain, though, Kili was mistaken. The hand on his belly slid towards his length, just to sneak under it once it had reached it. The skilled finger elicited a moan from the brunet’s throat, when Fili began to massage his balls._

_Oh, Fili knew how to torture him, but at the same time he treated him so tenderly, expressing love for every part of his body. A thumb was stroking over his brow, while at the other end of his body a digit had begun to breach him and then there was still Fili’s tongue, caressing his in a dance of passion and languor. Kili didn’t know how he could focus on all of these things at the same time, whereas the brunet was losing himself in those different sensations. He whimpered and whined, moaned and screamed, almost choked on the pleasure._

_Every part of him was on fire, the air thin and humid, not enough, but still keeping him conscious._

_Within the blink of an eye Fili was gone. Hands rubbed proudly over the curve protruding from Kili’s midsection, a love letter to the baby growing within him. The brunet returned to holding on to the sheets. Barely any coherent thought crossed his mind, feeling every caress, every ripple of pleasure, the sole option he had left._

_Fili reached for his legs, kissing the inside of thighs, before grabbing his arse and giving it a squeeze that drew an aroused gasp from his lips, pressing the air from his lungs in the process. He hadn’t even managed to inhale again, when Fili position him in the blond’s lap and slowly slid into him. Faced with no resistance and a body that opened up to him readily until the alpha was all the way inside him._

_I pillow was snatched and shoved under his lower back to raise it even higher. Kili whined softly, the position hid a part of Fili behind the omega’s growing belly. He wasn’t given much time to protest when the blond started moving. His thrust were harder than Kili was used to, almost brutal, and causing him to hold on to the mattress._

_Kili moaned obscenely every time Fili sank all the way back inside him, enjoying the fast and strong rhythm the alpha used to slam into him. He panted Fili’s name like a mantra, while listening to the other grunt and moan, to skin slapping against skin and his own heartbeat, pounding so loud in his ears and under his chest as if it wanted to burst any moment._

_Fili found_ _completion first, coating Kili’s passage with warm seed. He didn’t stop his motions just then, but rode through his orgasm without any fear of a knot, since there wasn’t a heat to provoke it, just pounded into the brunet, leading him closer and closer to his own orgasm._

_Almost ready. Just a couple of thrusts more. Or the stroke of a hand. Or the feeling of a skilful tongue. Not long now. Not long. Not-_

Kili’s eyes opened wide. With laborious breathing he stared into the darkness, with only the shimmering light of the moon falling through the window, informing him of his whereabouts. Fili’s bedroom. A dream… just a dream.

With horror he turned his head slightly, gazing at the man lying beside him and trying to figure out if he was awake. If his heart wasn’t still beating so terribly loud inside his chest, this might have been an easier task. It took a while, but the even breathing told him Fili was deeply asleep.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Kili pulled one of his arms free from under the blanket to rest it onto his brow and waited for his breathing to go back to normal. Thank God, it seemed like no noises had left his lips that would’ve given away his dreams. Having Fili wake up and realising Kili was having a wet dream about him would’ve been mortifying.

After all, it was already bad enough that he was completely soaked with sweat now and that his cock was throbbing painfully… oh no. Kili whimpered with embarrassment. He needed to take care of this right now, ere Fili truly got the chance to learn what happened. Hoping that this problem would solve itself was something the brunet didn’t want to count on. Fili’s smell in the air, the sound of his breathing, his form lying next to him… it merely increased the hardness in his pants.

Struggling into a sitting position Kili heaved his heavy body out of bed. He halted for a second, waiting if a dizzy spell might attack him, but tonight it seemed he was spared from things like this. Since the worm had started to feel like a stone instead of a small weight sitting above his hip, moving had turned into a strange mix of walking and waddling. This now accompanied by an erection, though, was probably turning the short distance between bedroom and bathroom in the most uncomfortable way he ever had to cross.

Once in the bathroom Kili looked the door and peeled himself out of his sticky clothes. He could as well take a shower and hopefully the running water would drown any sound that managed to slip past his lips, while taking care of his problem.

The warm water raining down on his skin helped to relax his tense muscles. Taking a deep breath Kili stretched out his hand to support himself on the tiled wall, whereas the other wrapped around his erection.

Closing his lids he began to stroke himself slowly, his thoughts wandering to Fili. He imagined how the muscles moved under his skin, the sensation of his hands caressing him, how the sweat ran down his chest. He heard his pleasant voice rising with pleasure, saw the look of ecstasy when he let go completely… tried to remember how the kiss had felt in his dream. Oh… how wonderful it had to feel to kiss him. Would his lips be as soft meeting his as they had felt on other parts of his body?

Kili was barely able to muffle the hoarse scream as his orgasm hit him, causing his knees to tremble and his lung to stop working for a few seconds. 

The feeling of drowsy satisfaction abated fast and an unfamiliar emptiness came over him. He hadn’t understood until now how much he desired not only Fili’s attention and closeness, but also longed for his kisses, for his intimate touches, for his smiles, for his warm gaze, for his hugs…

He had believed the hunger for sex had just been another symptom of the pregnancy and since Fili was the only one he’d slept with before, it seemed logically that he couldn’t imagine it with anyone else. However, this wasn’t the real reason. This wasn’t the reason why he felt secure in the blond’s presence, why his smiles made him blush and his heart speed up. This was more than just attraction. This was more than friendship.

Somehow… over the last couple of weeks… Kili had fallen in love with Fili.

What the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t dump even more on Fili. He had burdened him with a child he didn’t want and although the blond had changed his mind, this didn’t make it any less wrong. Fili had taken him in, spent time with him, let him sleep in his bed and had only just forgiven him. It wasn’t fair on him to stand in the shower and masturbate to images of him. Fili deserved so much better and Kili couldn’t give him anything.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili was confused and if he had to be honest, also a little hurt. Kili was strangely quiet since yesterday, barely talked to him and tried to avoid spending his free time with him. With Christmas around the corner this felt like a slap into his face. Till recently he might not have realised, how heavily his none offered forgiveness had weighed on Kili and therefore should perhaps even expect his friend wouldn’t entrust him with anything so soon afterwards, but considering that he’d actually forgiven the omega _weeks_ ago curbed his reasoning.

Besides, even before he had assured Kili that he wasn’t blaming him anymore, things had gone well between them. Suddenly handling each other like on the day the brunet had arrived on his doorstop – just this time with reversed roles – seemed wrong on so many levels, Fili had trouble comprehending it.

So when Kili called his name on this evening, Fili was equally curious as dismissive. Folding his arms Fili leaned against the wall of the bedroom, watching the brunet carefully. His friend sat on the edge of the bed, glancing at the pillows as if torn.

“I think it’s better, if I sleep on the couch again,” he said after sighing deeply.

 Fili frowned.

“On the couch? You can’t sleep on it. It’s uncomfortable.”

What was this about all of a sudden? Since Kili had started sleeping in his bed, he’d not once complained. He fell asleep even faster than Fili and this had to count for something, considering the omega’s condition. And now he wanted to give that up for the small couch? This wasn’t making any sense!

“Yeah, but-“

“Kili, at least be honest with me! You’ve barely talked to me the last two days and now you want to sleep on the couch again? What is going on?” he asked, perhaps a little more upset than necessary, but the younger’s weird behaviour was getting on his nerves.

“I’m,” Kili closed his lids and averted his eyes.

It wasn’t fast enough to hide the grimace taking over his features completely, though. At the sight Fili could immediately feel worry bubble up inside him. Why did he look so burdened again? He almost looked like on the day he’d cried in his arms, after giving him a scare.

“I’m sorry, but… I… I realised I’ve fallen in love with you and… I can’t sleep here anymore… I… it's… it feels like I’m taking advantage of you and… and I certainly won’t be able to deal with it any easier if I’m always around you… I… I’m really sorry, but… I need some distance right now,” Kili told him slowly and laboriously, stopping after every other word to swallow past the lump in his throat that wanted to choke him.

Fili was unable to do anything but stare at the brunet in the beginning, although seeing the way his friend ducked his head, as if he expected the alpha to be disappointed, angry or who knew what thought was crossing his mind, was worse than everything he could’ve said. He didn’t want Kili to believe that his safety and wellbeing weren't the most important things on Fili’s mind.

But he also wasn’t eager to utter an inconsiderate comment and so he had to take his time to process. It was strange. There was a warmth spreading through him at Kili’s confession, which the blond didn’t know how to interpret.

Of course he had once thought that the brunet was someone he could very well fall in love with. At first it had been his job deterring him from giving it more consideration. Then there was hurt, disappointment and betrayal of being used. He had tried to guard his heart, to keep Kili away in fear of being treated like that again. After that, though, he had seen his child and become fond of it at first sight. The following weeks he’d spent with Kili had been nothing but enjoyable, tender and happy.

Oh, there was something inside of him, a tickle of excitement at the image of him and Kili and their little worm. Not as neighbours or flatmates, though. No… as a family.

The realisation took his breath away. Never before had he seen so clearly, what he had begun to feel in Kili’s presence. It made his feet move on his own accord, guided his body onto the mattress next to the brunet and urged him to take his hand.

The younger’s head whirled around, out of reddened eyes he stared at the alpha in a mixture of disbelief and hope.

“I think, Kili,” Fili began softly. “You are not the only one, who has lost his heart during the last weeks.”

His friend’s bottom lip quivered with a silent question.

Fili’s answer was a nod and a smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Come on! Let me help you to another!” Dwalin exclaimed, taking Kili’s plate and leading it to the bowl of potatoes and the pan of chicken.

“Oh, no please! I can’t eat anymore, I’m full, I swear!” the brunet protested, a small hint of desperation audible in his voice.

Fili chuckled. This was the second time Kili tried to protest and the blond’s father wasn’t taking no for an answer. He had told his boyfriend to just leave it, if he couldn’t eat anymore, but the omega didn’t want to appear rude. Well, if he wasn’t going to listen, he had to find it out the hard way. Perhaps this time he wouldn’t force it down.

“Nonsense! My grandchild in there needs to grow big and strong! So you need to eat properly.”

Kili grimaced as he accepted the plate, but instead of following Fili’s advice this time, he started eating after casting a helpless look around.

It was a merry Christmas so far. Balin had managed it this year, the work at Erebor not as stressful as in the one before and tomorrow their cousins Bofur and Bombur along with their big family would join them. Fili’s love for kids hadn’t developed by accident, but from spending time with Bombur’s never ceasing amount of children. Once they had arrived Kili wouldn’t be the sole recipient of Dwalin’s attention anymore, which would hopefully turn Christmas in a more relaxed experience for him by then as well. Although, he could already experience a relaxed day, if he would simply stop joining in Dwalin’s games.

By the time the food was polished off and the dishes washed and put away, the family sat down in the living room for their annual evening of watching Christmas movies. Save for Kili, who rested a hand on his stomach and huffed then and again.

“I think I will lie down for a while,” he told Fili in the kitchen, who had been sent to fetch the gingerbread. “I think I’m going to burst otherwise.”

“Do you want me to lie down with you?” Fili asked him carefully.

“No, it’s fine. I just need to digest for a while. I can’t handle any more food.”

Fili sent him an amused grin.

“Well, perhaps next time you will listen to me. Trust me, it’s not rude. It’s the only way you can stop my dad from continuing with it until all of the food is gone.”

His boyfriend chuckled – Fili still liked the sound of the word, even if it was only appearing in his head.

“I will think of it tomorrow,” he replied and was about to head to the room that was theirs for the Christmas period, when Fili spotted something.

“Wait! Stop!” the blond called after him, causing Kili to stop dead in his tracks and look at him in confusion.

Fili put the plate with gingerbread on the counter, strutted over to the brunet and taking his own sweet time with it, to eventually come to a halt in front of him. The smile that had crept to his features on the way over to his boyfriend simply grew at the remaining puzzlement in the other’s eyes.

He glanced briefly above their heads. Kili followed his gaze, just to laugh, when he noticed what had Fili in such a smug mood.

“Well, it’s tradition, isn’t it?” the omega mused.

“It is,” Fili agreed with a nod.

In the end, none of them would be able to tell, who moved first. It seemed rather like a silent understanding, when their lips met in a tender kiss under the mistletoe.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

Just before New Year’s Eve, Kili had his next check-up with Oin. Seeing the treatment rooms was a new experience for Fili and while Kili’s weight, blood pressure and other values were noted, Fili found himself looking around curiously in the empty office.

The doctor seemed to be happy with the progress, the iron deficiency seemed fixed and so they went on to the ultrasound. Excitement surged through him as he took a seat at the head of the examination table.

“It’s great to finally have you here,” Oin said with a smile as he pulled over his swivel stool. “So I reckon you want to know now, what to expect?”

Fili exchanged a smile with Kili, reaching for one of the brunet’s hands and squeezed it gently. His boyfriend nodded.

“Yes, that would be wonderful,” Fili told him.

“Alright, then, let’s see what we have here.” Oin opened the bottle of gel. “You know already how that works, it’s going to get a little cold now.”

Despite the warning, the omega still flinched when it hit his skin, causing the brunet to smile up at Fili, blushing meekly. “Takes me by surprise every time.”

Kili didn’t need to defend himself for his unintentional reaction, as long as he was alright, there was nothing wrong with a little wince. There was no time for any reassuring words, for Oin set to work, catching both of their attention in the process.

At first it didn’t seem like there was much to see, also the sound was unmistakeable and Fili felt his heart speed up. That was a heartbeat! Steady and strong.

Oin hummed contently.

“Well, that looks all very good at the first glance.” He moved the probe a couple of times, the sight on the monitor changing with every twist. “The amount of amniotic fluid looks good, everything is lying where it should be, the heartbeat is normal,” he murmured, partially to them and partially to himself.

Every time the doctor mentioned something that was looking good or normal or perfect, Fili’s heart did a little leap of relief and happiness. Of course, Kili had told him that everything was progressing well, but there was a difference between getting told by his boyfriend and sitting next to the doctor. Sure, he had no idea what Oin was seeing in this swirl of black, grey and white spots, but it filled him with the sensation of being part of the whole process, even if he could only sit here and squeeze the brunet’s hand.

“Here is the head,” Oin said eventually, turning to them and traced the form with his pointer.

Fili was completely fascinated, how sometimes he seemed to look at a head and in another moment stared at a cranial bone. And yes, perhaps it was even a little scary, but overall the joy outweighed pretty much everything.

“Mhh,” the doctor blurted out while inspecting the head and Fili turned his gaze sharply, worried the old man had found a problem. “I think in your case we have to prepare for a C-section.”

“Why is that?” Kili wondered.

“The size of the head will increase over the next weeks and might not fit. Your birth canal is rather narrow, but then again, you are still very young for an expecting omega, it happens, so no worries. We will just sort this out with the hospital. At least you will have a due date that won’t pass you by,” Oin said with a smile, now inspecting one of the legs.

“Is… is that dangerous?” the omega asked him worriedly.

Immediately Fili turned his attention to Kili, stroking his brow gently and smiling down at him, when the brunet’s worried gaze wandered to him.

“Don’t worry, C-sections are no big deal.”

“Fili is right,” Oin agreed. “Nowadays the cuts are small and efficient. You don’t need to be under general anaesthetic, Fili can stay with you and, what might be the most convenient, you don’t have to deal with the pain of labour. Others might envy you for this kind of delivery.”

Kili seemed not completely reassured yet, but accepted the answer, letting his eyes wander back to the monitor.

“Ah! And here we have it,” Oin exclaimed. “It’s a girl!”

A girl… their little worm was a girl. With a bright grin he looked at Kili, who seemed just as happy. They had expected a boy, since that had been Oin’s first suspicion and while the thought of a son would’ve filled him with an equal sense of joy, these news were almost causing his chest to burst with pride. The thought of a son had been an image, a dream, a _what-if_. Their daughter was real, growing inside the omega, pushing against his skin, kicking and alive and healthy and only about eleven weeks away from being placed into their arms.

Fili loosened their intertwined fingers in favour of leaning down and cupping Kili’s face gently. The kiss shared between them was innocent, brief but sweet. It contained all the love Fili held for both of them, the man in his heart and their child. Weeks ago he hadn’t believed he would ever be able to be this happy, especially since he had given up on his dreams of travelling around the world for a couple of months for the benefit of being a father. Should there be bitterness about it? If so, there wasn’t any. He felt light and as if he’d finally found the right place in his life.

Nuzzling Kili’s nose, Fili wondered how the smile on his face hadn’t yet started to hurt, feeling wider than any before it.

“I love you,” he whispered against Kili’s lips.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They spent New Year’s Eve together, just the two of them, in Fili’s humble house that had become to mean home for Kili. Since he was growing tired faster now, staying at home was better for taking a nap than a party.

The winter promised to be a long season, with snow already falling in the beginning of November and until now the thick covers didn’t seem like they wanted to be leaving any time soon. Fili was hugging him from behind while they waited for it to strike midnight. They weren’t the only people that waited before their doors for the fireworks. They wouldn’t be able to see much from their current location, but didn’t want to miss the few colourful lights they might be able to spot.

Kili sighed contently, leaning back into the blond’s hold and savoured the warmth Fili’s arms provided.

Within him their little worm was awake, stretching and kicking, but not as forcefully as she used to do on other days. Perhaps it was simply too dark, because of the layers of clothing covering the bump, for her to be very active.

Sometimes, when the world went quite around him or he couldn’t sleep at night, because no position felt comfortable, Kili wondered what kind of parent he was going to be. He had a great role model in his mother, except for her, though, everyone in his family made him shudder with fear of becoming like them. Now, so close to the new year, the year of her birth, the brunet’s mind began to wander into this direction again.

“Are you cold?” Fili whispered against his cheek, his warm breath ghosting over his skin where the scarf didn’t reach. “You are shivering.”

And indeed, Fili was right. He had started trembling and didn’t know how to make it stop.

“No, I’m… I’m not cold,” he replied, even though he knew how ridiculous it had seem. “I’m just… I’m a little scared, I guess.”

The arms around him squeezed him, a gentle promise of belonging and love, but at the same time also a request to be honest with him.

“Why are you scared?”

Kili swallowed hard, tears burning on his eyes that weren’t related to the cold breeze stinging his face.

“I only ever had my mother. You know that my father didn’t want me and left her, but she was amazing. She was one of the few stubborn enough to get a job, despite every obstacle in her way and I know she loved me more than anything, but after she died… I never had that sense of parental love again. My grandfather was always too unpredictable and my uncle Thorin… until the day he left I was scared of him.”

“You never told me that,” he could almost hear the frown in Fili’s voice.

“He was always so stern with me…, there was never a kind word coming from him and getting to know this kind of man after just losing my mother… I was terrified. I tried to avoid him as much as possible, but whenever it didn’t work, he was irritated with me. Sometimes I even thought him capable of slapping me. I just… I don’t want to be like that.”

“You won’t,” Fili was fast to reassure him.

Tugging at him until Kili willingly turned around in Fili’s arms to face him, Fili kissed him, a cold nose brushing against his cheek.

“You are kind and considerate,” Fili murmured against his lips before kissing him once more.

The brunet returned it desperately. He didn’t feel very considerate whenever he thought back at how their little worm had been created.

“You are taking such good care of our daughter already,” another kiss. “Always making sure to avoid carrying heavy stuff or consuming food and drink that could harm her.” Kiss. “When you speak about her, your eyes turn so warm and you smile,” kiss, “like you are talking about the most important thing in the world.”

Kili sobbed into the following kiss, overwhelmed by Fili’s trust in him.

“You love her so much already. As long as you don’t forget that, you won’t turn into them.”

How could he be so lucky? After hurting Fili, after receiving forgiveness…, to be loved by him now should be impossible, but here they were standing, hugging and kissing, while hearing whispered promises for their future.

“And you also have me, to remind you of it every day.”

The next kiss was initiated by him, capturing Fili's lips fiercely, while pressing as close to his boyfriend as the bump allowed. He clutched his coat, gloved hands digging into the fabric, as he pushed his tongue into Fili’s waiting mouth. There was no way to express what he was feeling in that moment and so he simply tried to convey everything through his actions. The deep kiss, the embrace, as desperate as it was grateful, and just their closeness, every ounce of shared warmth and love.

“I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you,” Kili panted once the first bang of the fireworks echoed from the sky.

In the sparse light of the colourful lights, Fili smiled at him, wordlessly winding his arms around him again and watching the rising sparks with him.

The rest of the night was spent with sharing gentle touches and kisses, while they huddled naked under a blanket in front of the fireplace.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Two weeks after New Year’s Eve the snow began to melt for the first time. Warm weather was hitting the city, bringing them temperatures around ten degrees. Therefore they had made good of the opportunity, as well as of Fili’s day off and took a walk in a park. This one had been a little farther away than all of their usual walking routes, but Kili had visibly enjoyed the warmer weather, as did Fili.

With Kili moving closer to the due date he was a lot slower, compared to some weeks prior, this was to be expected, though. Just like those becoming more and more frequent situations, when Kili wasn’t able to get up on his own. It was in equal measures adorable as it was amusing. The omega was the only one that couldn’t laugh about it and pouted every time Fili had to help him get up from the couch again.

Today the brunet had no reservations. As soon as they’d returned home from their walk – and after his first destination had been the toilet – Kili flopped down onto the couch with a groan. Stretching out his legs, he closed his eyes with a relieved sigh.

“Tired already?” Fili wondered teasingly.

Kili snorted.

“You try to walk around with a two kilogramme heavy boulder around your middle for a day and we can continue this conversation.”

Fili chuckled softly and leaned down peck Kili’s lips tenderly, drawing a content little hum from his throat, before he let his hands wander to the brunet’s legs. Slowly, he pulled off one of the socks and began to massage the swollen foot.

The omega groaned.

“Gods, thank you,” he sighed.

Keeping the pressure light in the beginning, the blond waited for Kili’s features to relax, ere he pushed his digits harder against the foot. Once satisfied with the result, his attention wandered to the other. They both were aware that exercise in form of walks was important in Kili’s state, nevertheless none of them enjoyed how much those had begun to tire and pain the brunet.

He wasn’t yet finished with the other foot, when the ringing of the doorbell made their heads turn with surprise. They exchanged a confused glance. There was no one they expected today. Getting back up Fili headed to the door, while he could see out of the corner of his eye, how the omega tried to struggle in a straighter position.

“Hello, my boy,” the blond was greeted as soon as he opened the door.

“Uncle Balin,” he said with surprise. “Please, come in.”

“Hello, Kili,” the old man said once inside and slipped out of his coat.

“Balin?” Kili frowned. “What are you doing here?”

Fili’s uncle sighed.

“I fear I’m the bearer of bad news.”

He pulled an envelope from his pocket and headed over to the brunet. Taking a seat beside Fili’s boyfriend, he handed it to him. Kili reached for it hesitantly, turning it around in his hands but making no move to open it.

“What is this?” he asked instead.

Once again Balin sighed deeply.

“Your grandfather had a heart attack yesterday morning. He died on his way to the hospital.”

Fili looked at his boyfriend worriedly, ready to bolt to his side should he need him. Kili and Thrain had a rather strained relationship in the past, but it still wouldn’t have surprised him, if the news hit the younger deeply. But Kili stared only numbly at the envelope.

“What is this?” he asked again, this time, however, no emotion was audible in his voice.

“The invitation to his funeral.”

“That was fast,” Fili couldn’t help but scoff. Seemed like someone needed him out of the way fast, for whoever would inherited that company to step up immediately.

Balin glared at him warningly.

“We have a guideline for things like this and everyone took care of it fast. When there are no relatives someone has to take care of these things and that’s what we did.”

“But he disowned me,” Kili argued, not once looking up from the letter in his hands.

“Not exactly.”

This caught both of their attention.

“You see,” Balin continued, “Thrain thought you wouldn’t be able to handle it without his money. He thought you would come back sooner or later and do as he asked of you. He has arranged a statement in which he declares you disowned, but… he never signed it.”

“That means-,“ Fili began, but found himself unable to finish the sentence.

“Yes, if Thorin doesn’t accept the inheritance, which I don’t think he will, Kili is Erebor’s sole heir.”

“But I don’t know anything about the company!” Kili exclaimed in bewilderment.

Fili’s uncle nodded.

“Yes and that could cause trouble, I’m not going to lie. But these are things I can take care of, with time at least.”

 _Time_ , Fili watched Kili’s lips form this one word. He seemed lost in thought and the blond didn’t fare any better. This was a completely unexpected turn of events. Kili…, the heir of Erebor…, after everything Thrain hadn’t cut him out of his life. Sure, his motives were still despicable, but… perhaps something good could come of it? It was hard to tell.

“What should I do?” Kili wondered quietly.

“So far you don’t have to do anything. Just come to the funeral, so the board members can see that you care about the company.”

Kili sighed, a heavy sound that contained a weight Fili had never heard in such a soft tone before. The brunet looked neither happy nor convinced, but he nodded as if it was his duty.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for posting this chapter so late, but with the downtime of Ao3 I wasn't sure if every reader had the chance to see the new chapter and therefore decided to post the next one not before today. I hope no one was too disappointed.

 

 

“And you really don’t want me to come with you?” Fili asked for the fifth time this morning.

Kili was busy with buttoning the shirt of the suit. He was thankful Dwalin had borrowed it to him. Since he was bigger and broader than Kili, it fit despite the omega’s swollen middle. Of all the things he had taken with him and bought, when his clothes wouldn’t fit anymore, a suit hadn’t been one of them. It didn’t even matter that the jacket and trousers were too big, Kili looked misshapen enough as it was and so some too wide clothing wouldn’t make him appear any weirder.

He wasn’t sure how he felt. For years Thrain had been the only kind of family he’d depended on and now he was dead. Kili thought he ought to feel sad or a little angry, instead he felt nothing at all, almost empty. Shouldn’t there be something? Some kind of emotion? Was there something wrong with him? It worried him greatly.

“I mean it. I could just call in sick and come with you,” the blond tried to reason with him.

But Kili just turned around and smiled at his boyfriend.

“No, this isn’t anything you have to deal with. I will be fine, I promise. When is Ori’s housewarming party starting?”

Fili sighed, still not happy with the omega’s decision.

“Around eight.”

“I will be back until then and we can go over and have a nice time,” crossing the little distance between them, the brunet wound his arms around his boyfriend.

The other returned the embrace immediately.

“We really don’t have to go there. It’s okay if we stay at home,” he told him, while Kili tried to rub the tension from the blond’s body.

Making such a fuss was really not necessary. Kili and Thrain’s relation had been strained even during its best days. Yes, perhaps other people would think it weird to go to a funeral in the morning and party with some friends in the evening. Perhaps it was even immoral, but for Kili this farewell was merely a formal act, which wasn’t containing any big feelings.

“No, it’s really fine, Fee. We will have fun tonight, okay?” he said gently as he loosened the hug. “I will see you later.”

Tilting his head, Kili caught Fili’s lips in a kiss. It was nothing but sweet and gentle and Kili let it linger, savouring the feeling of the blond’s lips connected with his, trying to memorise it, until he was certain he could live on the taste of it for the rest of the day.

When he leaned back again, he traced Fili’s bearded jaw with his thumb for a couple of heartbeats, a soft smile gracing his lips, ere he tore away from his love and said good bye for the moment.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili returned in the late afternoon from work and immediately knew something was wrong. Kili hadn’t come home so far, even though the funeral must’ve ended some hours ago. One might argue that he shouldn’t worry, the omega was an adult and perhaps he’d simply taken a quick side-trip into the city to run some errands, Fili couldn’t believe it, though. Kili was heavily pregnant, therefore tiring fast and didn’t like to stay away for too long from home anymore, or away from Fili, for that matter. His instincts demanding for the presence of his alpha and father of their child.

What merely added to his distress was knowing, after calling his uncle Balin, that the funeral had ended right on time and Kili had told the older man he’d wanted to head home without detour. Obviously his uncle had tried to reassure him, assuming Kili had simply went out again after a while and before Fili had reached home, but if that was the case, where was the suit? Kili certainly wouldn’t go out in that oversized thing and if he’d taken it off, then where was it? Fili had looked everywhere once the first feeling of wrongness had possessed him and there was nothing to be found in the house.

He knew that calling the police was out of question, as long as Kili wasn’t missing for twenty-four hours, but Fili had only recently arrived back at their home again and was already getting nervous. Pacing up and down he tried to think of what might have happened.

Fili had attempted to call him, but his phone went straight to voicemail. This itself wasn’t that worrisome yet. Since the blond had insisted on buying the omega a phone, to avoid repeating nights like the one of Kili’s first check-up, the brunet had barely turned it on in the first place. There just wasn’t really anyone in his contacts, besides Fili, and they saw each other every day.

At one point he decided to check the usual routes Kili liked to take for a walk, before he was going insane with waiting. He hadn’t any high hopes of finding his boyfriend that way, but he assumed anything was better than waiting.

And so he put on his coat, grabbed his keys and went out of the door.

“Oh, hello, Fili!” his neighbour greeted him.

She was an elderly widow, her husband had passed away two years ago, at the end of seventy. She was a sweet lady, living from the small widow’s annuity her spouse had bequeathed her. Fili had sometimes carried her shopping bags.

“Hi, Mrs. Cotton,” he greeted her, today not having an eye on how she adjusted the foil cones that were supposed to protect her plants from frost over the winter and that seemed to have been disturbed. If by weather or unwary visitors, the blond couldn’t tell.

“It’s good that I catch you. Say, who did that limousine belong to that stopped in front of your house today,” she asked him curiously.

“What limousine?” he frowned. “You must be mistaken.”

“Oh no, my eyes are still working very well. And your little dove climbed into it, I’m quite sure of it. If I was still steady on my feet, I would’ve asked him myself. But by the time I reached the door, they were already driving off.”

 _His little dove_ … that was her nickname for Kili. Kili had been here? And a limousine? That didn’t make sense at all.

“Did you see anything else?” he demanded to know hurriedly.

Had she seen who had been with Kili? Did she have a suspicion where they went? He needed answers!

“Yes, he stood at your letter box for some time, but that’s all I fear…, so you don’t know, who the limousine belonged to?” she asked sadly.

There weren’t many exciting stories in her life anymore and so she loved some gossip then and again. It made her feel like part of the community, when she was able to go around and share her discoveries with the other tenants.

“No, I don’t know anything about it.”

But he needed to know if there was something in the letter box giving him answers.

“Well, nevermind, you must be busy. Have a nice day, my dear.”

Fili replied in kind, ere he had to suppress the urge to sprint towards the box, there was no need to create even more gossip. And indeed, once looking into it, he spotted an envelope. With shaking hands he reached for it, pressed it to his chest and headed back inside.

He opened it slowly, his heart pounding furiously, while thousand questions crossed his mind. Who had Kili left with? Why was he leaving him a letter? What had happened? Those were only some of them. At last he held a piece of paper in his hand, covered in Kili’s messy handwriting.

 

_Dear Fili,_

_I’m sorry things have to end like this, but I can’t live this lie anymore. But most of all, I can’t live this life anymore. I have tried to live with your poverty, tried not to complain and tried to bear it, but this life isn’t for me. I miss just going outside and buying what I want. I miss the luxury and not having to worry about anything._

_The board members offered me a deal today and I’m going to accept it. It will give me back my life as the heir of the company, it will give me an education and allow me to lead the company someday. This is what I want and following it doesn’t allow me any distractions._

_Walking away from you isn’t hard, I only regret I had to deceive you a second time. I shouldn’t have to rely on such shameful means, but I was in a desperate situation. I don’t love you and I’m sorry for making you believe I ever did. Don’t worry about the child, once it is born, I will ensure it is given safely into your arms. As I mentioned above, I don’t have time for distractions anymore._

_I don’t ask you to forgive me and I don’t expect it. Still, I will send you a decent amount of money every year. It’s the least I can do for pushing you into fatherhood you didn’t want._

_Farewell,_

_Kili_

 

Fili couldn’t say how long he stared at the letter and tried to make sense of the words. Long enough for him to find himself in a heavy layer of darkness. At one point he had sunken down on the couch… the couch Kili had slept on for so many weeks.

The letter… it sounded so distant… so cold… this couldn’t be Kili. It might be his handwriting, but Kili couldn’t have written it. _The child_ … _it_ … not _her_ … not _their daughter_ … not _their little worm_. Something must’ve happened during the funeral, this wasn’t his Kili! But then again… wouldn’t have Balin told him if someone had approached Kili in an unsettling manner?

So there had to be something Balin had missed… perhaps after the funeral? But… changing Kili’s mind so fast… that could’ve only happened if the omega truly hadn’t enjoyed living with him…

Fili shook his head forcefully. No. No, that was not true. They loved each other! They wanted their child! Kili wouldn’t use him like that, just to get away at the first suitable opportunity!

…

Just that Kili had already done this in the past. Deceiving him to get what he wanted…, could he really be sure to have known the real Kili? Who told him Kili hadn’t played with him from day one, knowing Fili wouldn’t be so cruel to send him away? Make him like him so Fili would be up to buying him anything he wanted… at least when it came to food. That had been in the letter as well… Kili couldn’t handle the lack of luxury...

No. He needed to stop thinking like this! Kili wasn’t like that! He wasn’t! Fili hadn’t been used again!

But he sat in a dark room, on his own, after Kili had changed his mind almost overnight about their living situation. The way the omega had behaved in his presence disagreed with everything he had written in that letter, but his sudden actions wouldn’t make any sense if what Fili had read wasn’t true.

Of course he had been deceived again... He seemed prone to being used… the perfect victim… credulous and easy to twist around. This wasn’t any different than during the times it had happened before.., save for the sound of a heart, shattering inside his chest.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

At some point he’d started crying. About what exactly he didn’t know. Losing Kili, his own stupidity, being used again, trusting too easily? He wept until his eyes hurt and he could barely breathe. He tried to look for signs… anything that could’ve given it away, while he drowned in desperation and came up blank. He couldn’t tell if the reason he couldn’t solve this riddle was because the brunet was too good of an actor or Fili just too blinded with love to understand what was going on around him.

He must’ve fallen asleep on the couch with exhaustion, for when he got aware of his surroundings it was to a pounding headache, the doorbell ringing like crazy and about fifteen missed calls on his phone.

Struggling into a sitting position, Fili held his hurting head.

“Yes! I’m coming, for god’s sake!” he screamed at the door, causing his head to punish him violently, but at least the awful noise of the doorbell finally stopped.

Staggering to the door, the blond took a deep sigh, before opening it. The light outside dazzled him briefly, after blinking against the extreme brightness, though, he was able to identify the guys standing before him. Ori, Bard and Nori.

“You look like shit,” Nori told him bluntly.

Instead of answering Fili rubbed a hand over his face, but it neither helped with waking him up more properly nor to feel a little better in general.

“What do you want?” he grumbled.

Couldn’t the world leave him alone to suffer in silence? He just wanted to crawl into his bed, pull a blanket over his head and forget that everything beside him existed.

“You and Kili didn’t show up yesterday, we were worried about you,” Ori told him.

“We tried to call, but no one was answering. We would’ve come over the same moment, but none of us was sober enough to drive anymore,” Bard added.

“Did something happen?” Ori again.

Ugh… too many words at the same time. Why weren’t they giving him more time to process them?

“Fili,” Nori murmured worriedly.

It was the mention of his name that reached under the numbness of a night spent with crying, pulling his suffering and broken self from the abyss it tried to hide in and rekindled the pain as if he was confronted with it for the first time.

“Kili is gone,” he croaked.

“What do you mean he is gone?” Bard pressed, a hint of concern audible in his voice.

“He dumped me,” Fili specified and wobbled back to the couch.

The tears were burning in his eyes again and it needed all of his willpower to dispel every thought that wanted to turn him into a sobbing mess again. He began thinking of colours, but stopped with it pretty soon, when he noticed brunet hair was becoming the only image in his mind. After that he simply stuck to counting, took deep breaths and waited for the wave of sadness to pass. Slowly… so slowly.

In the meantime his friends had stepped inside, with Bard offering to make coffee. Ori had sat down next him, winding an arm around him in a comforting hug, while his other hand rubbed soothing circles into his arm. Nori on the other hand had found the letter on the ground and cursed.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit I was completely blown away by the response the last chapter received. Thank you all so very much for your comments! <3

  


  


Fili spent the following days with working, eating and sleeping. Every other day one of his friends or his dad would visit, to make sure he was alright. Life felt stupid and meaningless and every waking hour he cursed himself for falling for the same trick over and over again. Perhaps friends and social contacts just weren’t for him. He should simply hide in his house… the house with an empty crib and clothes of another man he should just throw away instead of looking at them with longing every day.

The days turned into weeks, the weeks into a month and the numbness stayed with him. It would only have needed Kili back in his life to make him feel better and he hated himself for thinking like that. He needed to let go. Kili had only ever used him and holding on to his memory was tearing him apart, but he didn’t know how.

The brunet was the first person Fili had ever been in love with, not a fleeting attraction or a sort of infatuation. He had kissed Kili, because there was no one else he wanted to kiss. Laughed with him, because there was no one that made him laugh like this. Reassured him, because the most precious thing in his life shouldn’t be tormented by insecurities. Had those insecurities ever been real, though, or was it one of many lies?

Fili was so tired. The due date was coming closer and he wouldn’t see or feel his child again, before someone would put it into his arms. He would be a single-parent like his father… the blond wanted to barf at the thought. He had come to love the idea of spending his future with Kili and their daughter and now didn’t know how to let go of that beautiful image.

On one of those gloomy days his father visited him again, making sure he was eating and trying to talk with him. Fili had no strength for talking and simply shrugged then and again, showing Dwalin that he was at least listening.

Eventually, the other alpha sighed as he put the dishes into the sink.

“Balin tried to talk to Kili yesterday,” he began slowly.

For the first time since his father had arrived, Fili whirled around to look at him, wide surprised eyes waiting for an explanation that would end all of his suffering, that would redeem Kili and show him as the wonderful man again Fili had fallen in love with. The expression on Dwalin’s features dulled those hopes almost within the same heartbeat, but a spark was still there, burning brightly inside him and clutching at every straw offered to it.

“He wouldn’t even look at him, just brushed him off and when Balin didn’t want to leave without an explanation, he called for his bodyguards to throw him out of his room.”

Of course… how could he have expected anything else?

He sank back down heavily onto the chair. Perhaps it would’ve been easier to let go hadn’t they been connected through their child. But he didn’t want to think like that. Their little worm had done nothing wrong and Fili was already counting the days until she would finally be safe in his arms. If just… if just the circumstances were a little less painful.

“Fili, perhaps-“

The blond would never learn what his father wanted to say in that moment, for the ringing of the doorbell interrupted them. Dwalin patted his shoulder gently, before he was heading towards the entrance.

Fili let his pointer trace the pattern of the wood of the kitchen table. It was oddly soothing to just follow the irregular swirls. From the living room soft voices reached his ears, they were too quiet, though, to make out what they were talking about and even if not, Fili’s mind was focussed on the wood.

“He needs to know!” someone protested then, causing him to frown and look up again.

A second later Nori burst into the kitchen, Dwalin on his heels, who seemed more than a little displeased at the redheads unannounced visit. Or was it something else? Fili found himself having trouble lately to read the emotions on other people’s faces correctly, maybe because a part of him was scared he had never interpreted anything correctly. It would at least explain why Kili had managed to deceive him two times in close succession.

“You won’t be able to guess, who I came across during my last security job, ” Nori told him without a greeting and threw an envelope, filled with pictures, on the table.

Hesitating for a brief moment, Fili reached for it slowly and emptied it. There were about a dozen photographs. They were taken with a phone, as the blurry image and the moderate resolution indicated. It couldn’t deny the sight, though.

There was Kili, in a fitting suit this time, with one of his arms tucked into that of another man. The guy was pale, broad-shouldered, and a good deal taller than the pregnant omega beside him. A strange feeling of familiarity came over him at the sight of the man, he just wasn’t able to pinpoint where he had already seen him. The pictures showed an important event, that was for sure. Everyone seemed well dressed and it wasn’t unusual for Nori to be at one of them to keep unwanted guests and the press away.

“Who is that?” he wondered quietly.

“That,” Nori started darkly, “is Azog White.”

Fili’s head turned around sharply. He searched for the hint of a lie in the other’s eyes, but was only greeted by fierce fury. Once his gaze wandered back to the picture, he had to admit that Nori was right. Yes, this was Azog.

What the hell was Kili doing next to him? And then in such a friendly manner? Their little worm only existed because he had tried to escape a marriage with him and now he was making mooneyes at him? As much as Fili tried to put the pieces together, he wasn’t able to find a satisfying answer. Had Kili left him for Azog? Or was this simply a sign of their new partnership in the economic sector? Either way, it was disgusting and the hurt inside Fili was meeting a powerful rival in the form of his anger.

“What date is today?” Fili asked the other men, addressing no one in particular as long as he just got an answer. His hands held on so tightly to one of the pictures, they had begun to crumple up at the edges.

“February 10th, why?” his father wondered.

Pushing away vigorously from the table, Fili got up, almost knocking the chair over he’d just been sitting on.

“Kili has another check-up with Oin today. I will try to talk to him,” he told them.

A furrow was forming between his brows, while he gnashed his teeth. What game was the brunet playing? Fili was sick of wondering and seeing him with Azog made his insides burn with jealousy and lack of understanding. Why put himself through a pregnancy and disavowal, if he ran back to it at the first given opportunity? Was all of this a joke for him?

“Fili, I don’t think this will change anything,” Dwalin carefully attempted to sway him.

“I don’t care! I’m tired of wondering what’s going on in his head! If he wants to get rid of me, he will have to talk with me. If he can use me like he pleases, he can also tell me the truth about that shit with him and Azog!”

“Wait! I will drive you!” Nori called after him, as Fili crossed the living room, catching up with him as he reached the door.

In the end Dwalin told them he would wait at Fili’s house, whereas the two of them drove into the city and towards Oin’s office. After telling his friend to park two blocks away from the building, since this was something he needed to do on his own and didn’t want anyone interfering, regardless how well-meant it might be, he walked towards the office.

He was there far too soon, but Fili didn’t care, he simply folded his arms, huddled into his coat and waited. It was already dark and the night pretty cold, causing him to shiver fast, but he wouldn’t walk around to keep himself warm, so that he wasn’t going to miss Kili.

It was just a couple of minutes after Margret, Oin’s receptionist, had left that a black, fancy car stopped in front of the office. The passenger door opened and a man got out, went to the door at the back and held it open. Under the night of the street lamp Fili could see Kili struggling to get outside. Once standing, another man left the car, both of them seemed to observe their surroundings vigilantly, while Kili waddled towards the office.

“Kili,” Fili said his name before the brunet could disappear inside.

The omega stopped dead in his tracks, turning his head towards the spot where Fili was hidden by the darkness of the night.

“Fili,” he gasped. “What are you doing here?”

So far he sounded surprised, not as cold as Fili had suspected, but his face was covered in blackness and so the blond didn’t drop his guard.

“I came to talk to you,” he answered.

“That’s… not a good idea. You should go home, Fili.”

This wasn’t what he wanted to hear. After weeks of heartache, Fili wouldn’t give up so easily now. Not when this was one of the scarce chances he might have to talk to him. Kili owed him a real explanation, not a cold letter, in which barely any of his motivation was addressed. If things between them would end today – be it love, friendship, contact or whatever – there was no way of stopping it, but the alpha wouldn’t back down before the brunet had given him what he asked for.

When Kili just wanted to continue inside, Fili grabbed his wrist, stopping him forcefully.

“No, you owe me an explanation!”

“I have given you one!” Kili hissed back.

“That didn’t mention your fling with Azog! What the hell is going on! Talk to me, for god’s sake!”

While the omega was still trying to free himself of Fili’s grip, the blond was suddenly yanked backwards by the collar of his coat. His hold around the younger’s wrist slipped, as he stumbled and almost fell to the ground.

“Go! Go, inside!” Someone ordered and a second later Kili disappeared into the office.

Now that he had come so close, Fili wasn’t going to give up and leaped forward to enter the building as well, just to be pushed back violently, before he was even able to reach the door.

“Out of my way,” he snarled at the two hulks.

“Get lost, before you are going to regret it,” one of them warned him.

But Fili wasn’t thinking about that anymore, when he attempted to get in once again. He would talk to Kili and these two couldn’t stop him!

Except, they could.

The punch hit him out of the blue and made him topple, when it collided painfully with his brow. Holding his head with a groan, he felt warm wetness run over his hand. Shit. He hadn’t expected them to hit him that hard. They remained in front of the door and even Fili, still angry and gritting his teeth with pain, had to realise that he stood no chance against them. He wasn’t weak, but lacked their amount of muscles and while he might have been able to take on one of them, trying to fight against both would only end with a stay at the hospital for him.

Fili had to accept that he had missed his only opportunity to speak with Kili.

On his way back to Nori’s car the bleeding wouldn’t stop, probably turning him into a sight one awaited to see in horror movies. His friend’s offer, to drive him to a hospital, was brushed off brusquely. He just wanted to return home. This day was a disaster, just like every single one since Kili had left.

He somehow managed not to ruin Nori’s seats on the way home and disappeared in the shower, not before giving his father a scare, though. The bleeding started again after the shower, but this time there was a doting parent and a good friend to press a towel against his head. At least he was otherwise clean now and his hair didn’t feel solid and caked anymore.

Dwalin was furious when he learned what happened, threatening Kili with the most imaginative set of curses Fili had ever listened to. If the situation hadn’t been so horrible, he might have laughed.

“I should’ve come with you,” Nori cursed by the time the bleeding had stopped again and they were examining the wound on his brow.

“To do what? Get yourself beaten up as well by those muscles on two feet?” Fili snorted.

Clearly offended, Nori scrunched up his nose, opening his mouth to say something probably just as indecorous as one of Dwalin’s curses, when the doorbell rang yet again this evening. The three of them exchanged confused glances.

“Ori or Bard?” Fili wondered.

Nori shook his head. “Dori does inventory in the bookshop today, so Ori should be busy. And Bard has a date, so if this hasn’t ended in a disaster, it can’t be one of them.”

“Uncle Balin?” he offered, turning to look at his father.

“I don’t think so,” Dwalin frowned. “I will see who it is.”

His friend tried to shrug nonchalantly, attempting to brighten the mood, while Dwalin left the kitchen. He returned shortly with a person in tow the blond least expected. Oin took a look at Fili’s brow and shook his head sadly.

“Have that been these two brutes?”

“One of them, yes,” Fili confirmed.

“Well, it’s good that I brought my bag along then. Let’s take a look at this.”

The next minutes passed in silence. Oin cleaned the wound, examined it carefully, informing him that it wouldn’t need stitches. Once patching him up was out of the way, he asked him a couple of questions, probably trying to figure out if he suffered from a concussion. Eventually he nodded, a small smile wandering to his lips.

“It looks fine. Head wounds always bleed a lot, so you don’t have to worry.”

Dwalin seemed a little calmer, once the doctor finished his examination.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful you took a look at the wound, but what are you doing here?”

Oin didn’t answer immediately. The stuff he hadn’t used to patch him up was scattered over the kitchen table and the old man spent the next couple of minutes with putting it back in his case. Having finished this task he faced them, a serious expression on his features that made Fili swallow with worry.

“As long as I can think back, I always wanted to be a doctor,” he began and the blond wondered what this had to do with his question, but didn’t interrupt the other man, guessing he would get to the point sooner or later. “I’ve studied, I passed my exams and I opened my own office. Over thirty years now I’m treating everyone who needs my help. I have laughed and cried with some of my patients and there is truly nothing I regret. I have lived my dream for more years than some people age in this world.”

The doctor’s eyes were shimmering moistly.

“And I will carry those memories with me as long as I live and therefore I don’t care what they will do. If they will close my office or forbid me to continue to practise my profession. Confidentiality be damned! I love Kili as I would love a child of my own and you need to know what happened.”

  


  



	14. Chapter 14

 

 

_Kili felt strangely disconnected from everything, when they lowered the coffin into the hole. There was no one there, save for some business partners. The brunet was the only kind of family being present. Of course Kili hadn’t expected to meet Thorin here, but it still felt strange to represent the family on his own._

_He sighed, when the funeral was over. There was no funeral feast scheduled afterwards, so he could straight head home after everyone had expressed their condolences. How many of these people might truly miss Thrain? How many might be only her to curry favour with the heir of Erebor? It was hard to tell and no matter how Thrain had treated him, no one deserved this. Everyone deserved someone mourning their loss and while his grandfather might not have been a great person, his company had given many people work. That was something to be grateful for._

_Would it make things better if Kili could cry? He didn’t know. Out if respect he stayed at the gravesite for some time. It was a small price to pay and perhaps it would offer someone comfort that hadn’t left as fast as the others and if that person wasn’t anyone but the pastor._

_Perhaps he should buy some flowers soon. It felt like the right thing, a small gesture then and now. Besides, the care for the grave the company would most likely take care of. This man had taken him in after he’d lost his mother after all and provided him with everything he needed. A flower or candle certainly wouldn’t hurt._

_“It was a moving ceremony. The pastor knew how to find the right words,” Balin said, coming to a halt next to Kili._

_The brunet snorted._

_“Thrain would’ve hated it. Too sentimental.”_

_Balin chuckled softly. “I guess you are right.”_

_Kili stared at the fresh earth to his feet, wondering how long it would take the frost in the night to turn it into a hard and unrelenting surface. Beside him Balin sighed._

_“It will be strange not seeing him in his office every day. I know he wasn’t a very good grandfather, although I will never understand how a doting father could change so much in just a few years, but… he was a good businessman, who respected every person working for him. From the head of department to the cleaning team, they all made their contribution and were the reason the company was running smoothly. That’s something we have to respect him for.”_

_Those words were very true. Humans had more than just a good and a bad side and while Kili would’ve wished for a more understanding grandfather, Thrain had his decent characteristics… the brunet just hadn’t seen them very often. Yet, besides all of his threats, he’d never truly disowned him. Fili would perhaps try to twist this opinion against Thrain, maybe even rightfully so, but Kili didn’t want to bear grudges with the dead._

_“I guess you are right,” Kili whispered as a cold breeze made him shiver._

_“Do you want me to drop you off at home?”_

_Glancing at the older man, Kili grinned._

_“And have to deal with the rush-hour of the whole city? No, it’s fine. I got my bus ticket and can get straight home from here. Don’t worry about me.”_

_They said goodbye and parted when they left the graveyard, Kili heading down the street to the bus stop, while Balin turned towards the parking area. The timetable told him he would have to wait about fifteen minutes. Long enough that sitting down on a bench sounded like a heavenly decision. His lower back and feet hurt and so he groaned with relief as he could finally stretch them out. Pressing a hand against the swell of his belly he petted it gently, when he felt the worm move._

_While he waited for the bus to arrive, Kili gazed at the empty street. It was almost silent near the church and the graveyard. He imagined how this place had to look in spring or in the summer. The leafless trees lining the streets had to whisper in the soft breeze he was feeling now. This had to be one of the few places in the city Kili would actually be able to hear the birds singing. The thought was soothing and beautiful._

_His thoughts were interrupted when a limousine stopped in the middle of the bus lane. The omega frowned, what kind of idiot would park there? He received his answer not much later, when the door at the back opened and a pale, tall man stepped out._

_Kili’s mouth felt immediately dry. Azog White. What the hell was he doing here? And why was he heading straight towards him? His heartbeat sped up and the brunet had to fold his hands over his belly, intertwining his hands to hide the tremors wandering through him._

_“It seems I’ve missed the funeral,” he said calmly, coming to a halt beside the bench. “I must apologise, an important meeting detained me. I hope you understand.”_

_He didn’t like the expression on the other’s features… there was something_ _furtive lying in it._

_“Oh, where are my manners? My sincere condolences. Your grandfather’s passing must’ve come as a shock.”_

_“What do you want?” Kili wasn’t in the mood for games, even though knowing who that man was and what he was capable of was giving him the creeps._

_“Well, if you ask me so openly, allow me to respond in kind.”_

_He took a seat on the bench, urging Kili to shuffle as close to the edge as possible._

_“I don’t like to be refused and I really want Erebor under my management. After your little impregnation stunt my hands were tied, you had the law on your side and Thrain was still the CEO, but now that he has passed away… well, let’s just say, I want to make you an offer.”_

_“Piss off!” Kili blurted out completely bewildered._

_He knew this guy had no shame, but that he would go so far, to come to him, wanting to buy the company from him after his grandfather’s funeral had barely ended…, he was disgusting and if getting up was any easier, the omega would’ve long gotten back onto his feet and left._

_“Oh, I like this spirit. I think we will make a good team, you and I. With your spirit and my knowledge our son will create the greatest business empire the world has ever seen.”_

_“I didn’t want to marry you nine months ago and I still don’t want to marry you!” the younger snapped._

_A shark-like smirk crossed Azog’s mouth, as he leaned into the omega’s personal space. Only his feet, braced against the ground, prevented Kili from falling from the bench._

_“You see, no one refuses me just like that and you shouldn’t be too fast with your decision. The world is a dangerous place, accidents can happen all the time and you would need someone to provide for you and the bastard in your paunch, should such a tragic case ever occur.”_

_Accidents? Provide for him and his child? Kili’s eyes widened. He wasn’t implying what Kili thought he did, was he? But one look into Azog’s menacing face gave him the answer._

_“You,” he spat. “If you dare to hurt Fili, I will-“_

_“What?” Azog replied unfazed. “What will you do? Come on, tell me? Because I would be really interested to know it.”_

_Clenching his fists, his finger began to dig into the fabric of his coat in their current position, whereas he pressed his lips into a thin line. The pale alpha laughed at the sight._

_“There is nothing you can do, you little brat. I always get what I want and I will get you, one way or another. But you can decide how this will end. Your servant can have a terrible accident, with no signs leading to me and an airtight alibi or you dump him, return to your nice, luxurious home and wait for my instructions, which you will follow without protest.”_

_Leaving Fili or waiting to see him die? This was the choice he was being given? This had to be a bad dream, he just needed to pinch himself hard enough to wake up. Despite how much he hurt himself with his nails, however, reality around him didn’t change._

_“Why now? If you wanted the company this whole time, why now?”_

_“After Thrain claimed he disowned you, I tried to negotiate with him. I would’ve bought Erebor, if I had to, but then he died and now you are here, his heir.”_

_“Then why not buy it! You can have it, I don’t want the company!”_

_Azog shook his head in a chiding manner, as if he was talking to a child._

_“Why would I pay so much money if I can have it so much easier? That doesn’t make much sense, does it? And I still need an heir, don’t I? Besides, the publicity is much better, when I marry into the family, causes less turmoil.”_

_Kili turned his head, averting his eyes to deny Azog the satisfaction of seeing him break. The choice he was given couldn’t be any more terrible. Losing Fili one way or another. Of course there was only one path to take, but it would barely lessen the ache spreading through his chest already. He was going to push Fili out of his life, pretend like he didn’t exist to save them both from even more pain. Kili would have to push him away hard to make it stick._

_Their little worm, though… what about her? He couldn’t allow her to grow up with Azog. It would destroy them both._

_“The child… Fili will raise it, you will not touch her, that’s my condition,” he croaked._

_“Good, then you can turn you attention solely to my sons.”_

_Kili nodded, blinking the tears away that had started to burn in his eyes. He didn’t want to bear Azog’s children. He didn’t want to have sex with him. Didn’t want him to see him naked. Didn’t want to be alone with him. He didn’t want him and the thought of going with him was making him scream inwardly. But it was either that or seeing Fili killed… there was no choice._

_“So we have a deal?” Azog demanded to know._

_“We have,” Kili agreed in a breathy voice._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Oin finished telling them what Kili had confided to him during the check-up tonight, a heavy silence lay over the kitchen.

Fili was the first to find his voice again, raspy and barely audible: “We… we can’t let that happen. We can’t let Kili marry him.”

“Azog has threatened to murder you,” Dwalin whispered.

If it was meant as a reply to Fili’s words or if he was merely uttering what his mind hadn’t grasped yet, the blond couldn’t say.

“There has to be some evidence to bring that guy down. This is crazy!” it burst out of Nori, who began to pace up and down in the kitchen. “Such a piece of shit!”

Now he knew why Kili left. Why he wrote that cold letter. Why Balin had no idea what happened, since they had already parted when Azog approached Kili. Fili couldn’t tell if it was a better outcome, though. If the things the brunet had said in his letter were true, Kili would’ve at least been happy with his decision. Instead he was a prisoner, trying to make Fili dislike him to save him and Fili had believed him, had believed that his love would treat him like this. He felt terrible and angry and just wanted to smash his hand against the kitchen table until it broke!

“We need to do something!” Fili pressed, ruffling a hand through his hair and almost getting caught in the plaster, because of his agitated movements.

“If we act, Azog might kill you,” Dwalin protested.

“And if we don’t he is going to rape Kili and turn his life into a living hell!”

“I’m not swapping your fate with his,” his father told him sternly.

“And I’m not going to leave Kili to this!”

“You don’t even know how to contact him.”

“I could ask Balin-“

“And what if Azog threatens your child next? Would you be willing to sacrifice her as well for Kili?”

This dispelled the anger completely, causing Fili to feel tired and at a loss. Of course he wouldn’t sacrifice his girl. But he couldn’t sacrifice Kili either. And yet, there was no way to save both of them.

“How can I let Kili go through with this? It’s not right. He doesn’t deserve that,” Fili croaked.

No one disagreed and once again the heavy silence returned. As long as Kili was the heir to Erebor, there was no way of changing his fate. They had lost.

Unless…

“Thorin,” he whispered.

Three pairs of eyes looked at him with surprise.

“Balin said Kili is the heir if the company doesn’t come in Thorin’s inheritance. We have to find him and ask him for help!”

“Thorin… of course,” Oin murmured. “I haven’t heard that name in so long. I completely forgot about his influence.”

Nori folded his arms, a frown appearing on his brow.

“Fair enough, but how do we find him?”

Immediately Fili’s gaze met the one of his father.

“You know where he is, don’t you? He was your friend since childhood.”

Dwalin sighed deeply.

“Yes, alright. I know where he is, but I don’t think he will change his mind.”

“We have to try at least,” Fili argued.

That’s what they owed Kili. Nori and Oin seemed to agree with him, casting expectant glances at Dwalin, who seemed to struggles with himself, if he should reveal the whereabouts of his friend. Eventually, his shoulders slumped with defeat.

The place he named them, was a small town in the Shire, far away from their home. Distance didn’t matter for Fili, though.

“I will buy some plane tickets,” he informed them.

Before he could pass his father, to fetch his laptop, he was grabbed by the wrist and held back.

“What about your job? You can’t just leave like that.”

“Screw my job! Why the hell are you trying to stop me from helping Kili! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Since they had learned what was truly going on Dwalin had been less supportive than the blond would’ve wished and he just couldn’t for the life of him understand why.

“I’m thinking of the one you aren’t thinking about right now!” his father shot back. “Without a job, how are you going to take care of your daughter?”

“Perhaps I’m going to swallow my pride and ask uncle Balin for money!” he shot back, ere taking a deep breath and trying to calm down again. “I understand what you are trying to tell me. But if I don’t do this, I will regret this for the rest of my life, just like mum regretted staying with us for so long.”

Dwalin flinched visibly at the mention of his ex-wife. The bad breakup was still a tricky subject on some days. But it was a comparison with which he had no trouble understanding. Fili watched his father close his eyes in obvious pain, the hold on his wrists loosening and allowing the blond to free himself.

“Get us those plane tickets, I’m coming with you.”

Fili nodded. He felt guilty for bringing up the past, but decided to put off apologising until later.

“Why exactly did Thorin disappear?” he heard Nori ask, probably to banish the silence that had returned to the kitchen.

“Thorin planned to marry a beta,” Oin replied.

“An alpha marrying a beta? That’s… unorthodox,” the redhead uttered hesitantly.

With his laptop under one arm Fili returned to the kitchen.

“That’s one way to phrase it,” the doctor chuckled. “It was quite a scandal, I tell you.”

“Thrain wasn’t pleased at all,” Dwalin added gruffly. “There would no heir come of a marriage like this and he feared that their line would end with Thorin.”

 “Oh,” Nori gasped. “Let me guess, he did the same thing with him he did with Kili? Obeying or disavowal.”

The website of airline was found after just a couple of clicks. Fili noticed with relief that there were still seats available for the flight scheduled for tomorrow.

“Thorin left, just like Kili,” Oin must’ve nodded, while the blond was busy with booking the flight. “But considering Thorin is still the heir of Erebor, Thrain was faster to cast people out with his words, than he was able to push them out of his heart.”

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

On the next day Dwalin drove him to the airport, where both of them waited for the check-in. It was early in the morning and Fili had barely managed to sleep, the whole night tossing and turning in bed, his hand wandering to the spot where Kili should lie next to him and wondering if the omega was alright. If Azog had touched him in any way that went below the belt or tried to kiss him or simply hadn’t accepted a no, Fili would find a way to end this arsehole.

After all the worry and panic, his body decided to make up for the lost rest with making him sleep through the whole flight. Five hours later and when the plane prepared for the landing, his father woke him up. They didn’t have to wait for their luggage and headed straight to the exit. With the benefit of not staying in this country for very long, everything they needed had fit well enough into the hand baggage.

Dwalin got them a cap, bringing them closer to their destination with every passing minute. While Fili watched the huge building of the airport disappear, making way for fields and forests, he wondered what would await them. If Thorin was friends with the blond’s father he had to be a decent guy, albeit it didn’t match Kili’s stories.

“How come I’ve never met Thorin, if the two of you have been such good friends?” he turned his head, looking at the other alpha curiously.

Dwalin’s arms were folded, eyes gazing at the road in front of them.

“You did meet him, you were just too small to remember.”

“What stopped him from visiting in the years after that?” Fili asked with a frown.

“Work, your mother, life,” Dwalin shrugged. “We went out to drink a beer then and again, but that was it for a very long time.”

The driver concentrated on the dispersing traffic, the even rumbling of the engine almost making the blond feel as if they were by themselves.

“What does mum have to do with that?”

“She didn’t like Thorin, perhaps because she couldn’t see beyond his façade. We had many arguments about that issue, but in the end agreed that she couldn’t forbid me, who I’m friends with, but that I wouldn’t invite him over again and keep you away from him.”

Trying to process what he’d just learned, Fili was surprised to learn for how many years his parents had fought about one thing or another. Since his mother had left, the blond had always assumed they had faced troubles only later on in their relationship.

“You have argued pretty often, huh?”

“That’s what sometimes happens, when two stubborn people with different plans for the future fall in love.”

It was amazing how Dwalin never spoke badly about his ex-wife. After the way she had left, Fili couldn’t imagine anyone blaming him for being angry with her. Perhaps a part of him still loved her fiercely. This wasn’t such a far-fetched thought, the blond remembered camping trips, saw his parents look at each other over the fire with so much affection or she laughed at the way Dwalin tossed her into the water every time they went swimming in the lake and how he'd watched her kiss Dwalin just to dunk him a second later... Things certainly hadn’t been bad all the time and whatever the reason for his father’s understanding manner was, it made the blond respected him all the more.

“Don’t worry, your future with Kili won’t look like that.”

The blond huddled into his coat, suddenly feeling cold. It probably came with the lack of sleep. He wanted to feel hopeful at Dwalin’s words, but he could only think of what would happen if they failed.

The cab stopped at a small house, surrounded by the most beautiful garden Fili had ever seen and considering it was still February and just warm enough for crocuses and snowdrops to blossom said a lot about the skills of the people taking care of that place. Hedges, hanging flowerpots and vines spreading over the exterior walls of the building… in the summer this house had to look like it came straight from a fairy tale.

But there were other times for admiring the scenery, right now they had to speak with Thorin to help Kili. Therefore, after granting himself a little stunned moment, he marched towards the front door with his father in tow.

After ringing the doorbell it didn’t take long for the door to open. Instead of a grown man, though, they found themselves faced with a small child. Brunet locks framed the small face and blue eyes looked them over curiously. The boy couldn’t be older than seven or eight.

“Hello,” he greeted them.

Momentarily caught off guard, Fili needed a second to recover from the surprise that had him change his approach.

“Hi,” he replied. “I would like to speak with Thorin. Is he at home?”

The boy shook his head. “Pa is working.”

Fili exchanged a glance with Dwalin, who seemed just as shocked to see the young lad, perhaps even more so, when he revealed his and Thorin’s relation. Apart from this turn of events, they were now faced with another problem. Thorin wasn’t here and they couldn’t really impose their presence on the child. Should they return to the gate and wait there for Thorin to come home?

“Bilbo isn’t at home, is he?” Dwalin interrupted his thoughts.

The boy tilted his head, before a bright smile claimed his features.

“Sure!” he told them with a grin and then, while turning around and marching back into the house, his little voice echoed through the hallway: “Uncle! Visitors!”

Despite their dire situation, Fili couldn’t help but chuckle at the reaction of the child. They didn’t have to wait long for the man called Bilbo. He was smaller than Fili, but smiled at them kindly as he spotted them.

“Dwalin Fundin?” he gasped. “How long is it since I saw you? Five years? Six?”

“Five,” Fili’s father answered with a grin and pulled Bilbo into a brief, but warm hug.

“Oh dear, come in, please come in!”

During the next half-hour they were asked to inside, were introduced by Dwalin and afterwards ushered into the living room. Bilbo left to make tea, returning not only with a teaset, but also with a tray of cookies and cake. Fili stared at the variety of baked goods with wide eyes. There were so many different flavours… chocolate, nuts, cinnamon, lemon and that were only the cookies, he hadn’t tried a piece of the cakes yet.

“I have to ask,” Dwalin said after his third piece of cake. “The child, is he…?”

“Frodo is the son of my deceased cousin and his wife,” Bilbo explained sadly. “There was no one else, who wanted to take him, so we did.”

Dwalin frowned. “He calls Thorin _Pa_.”

Even though Fili would’ve preferred to change the topic into the reason of their visit, it wouldn’t be of any use yet. Thorin wasn’t home and Bilbo certainly couldn’t help them on his own. He seemed like a kind, empathetic man so far, a soothing knowledge in Kili’s dire situation.

 “He does, doesn’t he?” Bilbo chuckled, ere his features turned serious. “Thorin… he was amazing, when Frodo came to live with us. There is a real connection between them, they both have lost their family. Of course Thorin’s situation is hardly comparable to Frodo’s, but he understood him and could give him what he needed. They get along great and I’m very glad.”

Fili took a sip of his tea to keep himself snapping sarcastically. If Thorin could be such a great father-figure for young Frodo, why had he never managed to give Kili the support he needed? He was more willing to try for the child of a stranger he’d never met before, than loving his own nephew.

“But tell me, why did you decide to visit us now, after all those years?”

Wiping the cookie crumbs off on his trousers, Dwalin was already opening his mouth to reply, when the sound of a turned key reached them from the direction of the entrance door.

“Pa!” they could hear Frodo screamed, followed by the fast steps of a child running past the living room.

“Hello, my bunny-bug! How was your day?”

There was some rustling and a wheeze.

“Uncle Bilbo and I baked cookies today!”

“You did? Well, then I have to try some immediately,” Thorin proclaimed.

Bilbo had gotten up in the meantime, heading to the door of the living room to catch his partner before he passed them. Craning his neck, Fili was able to spot a tall man with dark hair, carrying little Frodo on his hip. He frowned at whatever it was Bilbo told him quietly. Putting the little boy down and whispering something into his ear, Fili watched as Frodo nodded with a big smile and disappeared, perhaps going back to his room.

Thorin’s features brightened again, as soon as he spotted Dwalin, walking over to him with a genuine smile.

“It’s good to see you, old friend,” Thorin greeted the other alpha, just as Dwalin got up to pull him into a fierce hug.

“Why didn’t you tell me you have a son,” the other asked him. There was no anger in his voice, simply joy for his friend.

“We weren’t sure if it would work out and so-“

Fili harrumphed audibly. They could have this conversation once Kili was safely back at home with his boyfriend.

“Oh, of course,” Dwalin became serious again. The blond almost felt bad, knowing his father hadn’t seen his friend in ages and lots of things to catch up. They had time to catch up, though, Kili didn’t. “This is Fili, my son. You might remember him.”

Once the introduction was out of the way, Fili came straight to the point, informing Thorin, with Dwalin’s help, about what had happened during the last months. Kili’s uncle listened gravely, but otherwise offered no reaction, whereas Bilbo slapped a hand over his mouth in shock at some point.

“So we need you to come back. When Azog can’t use Kili anymore to take over the company, he will leave him alone.”

Thorin leaned back into his armchair, his expression emotionless and unreadable. The silence following their explanation was almost deafening. What was taking him so long to reply? This decision shouldn’t even be one. There was only one way to act. The right way! Intertwining his fingers almost painfully, the blond got more and more agitated the longer Thorin stayed quiet.

“This is my home,” he said at last. “This where we chose to live, where Frodo is going to grow up and where our hearts belong. So I’m very sorry, but I won’t return.”

“Thorin-,“ Dwalin started.

“You can’t be serious!” Fili hissed, interrupting his father. “You would just abandon your nephew?”

He was their only chance. Without him Kili would marry Azog, agreeing to a life of misery and violence. Fili wouldn’t just sit by and see the spark in the brunet’s eyes die. He wasn't going to sit down with their daughter some day to tell her of the sacrifice her daddy made and how Fili had failed to protect him. No. This was not going to happen!

“It has taken me a long time to realise that Erebor isn’t everything there is. I’m about to disclaim the inheritance and intend to go through with it.”

“Thorin,” Bilbo gently touched his partners arm, trying to mediate. “He really seems to need your help.”

The alpha sent an apologetic glance in Bilbo’s direction before continuing: “I’m sorry Kili has made such poor decisions in his life, but that is not my fault and I certainly never could expect much support from his side either.”

Fili shot to his feet, clenching his fists as he glared at Thorin. Kili and supporting him? When? When Thorin decided he wanted to marry for love? Had he asked for his support? Had he given him reason to miss him? No, Kili wasn’t the culprit! Thorin wasn’t as noble as he thought.

“He was fourteen!” the blond snarled.

“Surely old enough to form an opinion of his own!” the alpha shot back.

“Well, perhaps he wouldn’t have been relieved when you left, if he hadn’t been afraid of you!”

This seemed to catch Thorin off guard. The dismissive glint in his gaze was replaced by surprised and slowly began to morph into shock.

“He was afraid of me? Why would he be afraid of me?” he whispered in bewilderment.

“Because you were cold and distant and scaring a young lad that had just lost his mother! You wonder why he didn’t support you? Because you treated him not once like little Frodo! Wasn’t he good enough for you? Did he really have to fear to be beaten by you?”

He was sick of Thorin’s behaviour. While he could understand difficulties in giving up a good life, he was unable to comprehend what had to go on in the head of this man. Kili was his nephew and after treating him like a nuisance, he truly wanted to lay the blame on Kili? This was ridiculous and Fili was merely one provocation away from slamming his fist against the coffee table.

“He believed me capable of doing that?” the brunet’s uncle gasped with horror. “I never wanted to scare him,” he added helplessly.

His gazed turned to the soft carpet at his feet, while Bilbo rubbed his arm compassionately. Fili wasn’t feeling any sort of sympathy for him, in his opinion Thorin hadn’t earned it yet.

“Well, you did,” the blond said, although this time his voice carried less spite.

“Thorin,” Bilbo murmured gently. “We don’t have to stay here. We can make a home elsewhere. It doesn’t matter where we live, as long as we are together.”

When the alpha looked up again, a warm smile was gracing Bilbo’s lips. He didn’t push, like Fili would’ve preferred in that moment, but simply told him with his silent presence that he was going to stand by his side, no matter what Thorin decided.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Three weeks. That was all the time he had left with his child. Over the last weeks Kili had tried to come to terms with giving her away, of never holding nor seeing her – a choice that was hard but sensible, it would make saying goodbye easier, if he didn’t know the face he was going to miss. He tried to make the last weeks count, talking to his belly, stroking it, returning the nudges he received from the inside, but it just didn’t feel enough… not by a long shot.

He cried often, sobbing apologies to her in the dead of the night and only adding to his miserable state. So close to the due date, he had forgotten how it felt to be comfortable, to have a body that wasn’t constantly hurting. But he wouldn’t complain, wouldn’t whine and wouldn’t curse this state, for as long as it continued she was still with him, precious time slipping from his fingers.

Sometimes Azog would call for him. He talked about the wedding preparations, asking for his opinion, even though he only wanted to see him nod, or demanded his company during important events. Kili hated it. Not only was spending time with the pale alpha a living nightmare, it also took some of the valuable time away he wanted to use to shower the little worm with love. Today was one of those days.

The other man waited for him in his ostentatious office, a room that was bigger than the rooms in Fili’s house altogether. Azog’s grin was a mixture of malice and relish as he noticed Kili entering.

“I’m glad you could arrange meeting me so soon.” As if the omega had a choice in that matter.

He waited until Kili had reached his desk, before pushing a folder towards him.

“I allowed myself to draw up our marriage contract. I’m sure you will deem it appropriate. Would you like to have a look before signing it before the ceremony in a couple of days?” Azog offered him with a smirk.

Kili shook his head. He’d already learned how this game worked. Azog gave him a choice, but as soon as the brunet refused to agree, they were back with the threats. It was easier to just give him what he wanted. Most of the time he would leave him in peace afterwards.

“I don’t think that will be necessary. I trust you,” he therefore forced out.

The alpha nodded sardonically and reached for the folder.

“Good. I will send a copy to each of my lawyers then, to make sure there is nothing important I missed.”

“Was that all?” Kili wondered fidgety, hoping this meeting to be just another way of taunting him without any ulterior motives.

“Now that you ask me so nicely,” Azog added. “It was brought to my attention that your _delicate_ condition will refuse us a proper wedding night.”

Kili froze.

“And I think that isn’t fair, considering that I’m taking such good care of you.”

“What do you want?” the brunet asked, trembling with fear and sick of the other’s game.

The amusement, accompanying the alpha’s mockery died on his features, making room for something darker that caused Kili to break out in cold sweat at the sight.

“You see, I had a really, _really_ stressful day so far and knowing I won’t get what’s mine after our wedding hasn’t helped with my mood. But you can help me solve that problem easily. The only thing you have to do is suck me off. See it as a preparation for your time as my husband.”

Getting up from his chair, Azog moved around the desk, coming to a halt in front of Kili. The alpha looked down at him expectantly.

“There… there is still enough time after the wedding,” the brunet tried to protest, as if prolonging it would make the inevitable easier. He had trouble hearing his own words over the noise of his own heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Oh, but a wedding night is what I want and I obviously can’t have it. And you know how much I hate it, when I don’t get the things I want. So get down on your knees!” the last sentence was a sneered order.

Kili didn’t dare to protest, thinking of Fili and the consequences. And so he obeyed, lowering himself slowly to the ground. Despite the fear, he couldn’t help but glance at the other hatefully.

“Oh, don’t look like that. It’s about time you get used to the feeling of my seed inside of you.”

Just the thought filled Kili with the urge to bend forward and vomit onto the expensive carpet.

“And keep that teeth of yours in check, you wouldn’t want me to hit a vulnerable area of yours out of reflex, would you?”

Grimacing with disgust, Kili pressed his lips into a thin line, trying not to think about what he was about to do. He had to imagine something nice, had to go away, hide somewhere in his head.

But just when his hands wandered towards Azog’s trousers, a knock at the door interrupted them and the alpha’s assistant stuck his head in at the door.

“Excuse me for interrupting, but there is a problem.”

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

 

The assistant wasn’t even given the time to explain what kind of problem he was talking about, before he was pushed aside and a man marched into Azog’s office. His stony expression displayed no emotion… until his gaze fell on Kili, still kneeling in front of the pale alpha. A fury shot to his eyes, causing them to gleam so threateningly, the brunet couldn’t help but shiver with fright.

Kili hadn’t seen Thorin for almost five years and save for some threads of silver in his hair, the other’s appearance hadn’t changed at all. The features angular and graced with a sense of majesty he hadn’t spotted in many people so far. Thorin managed to take over control with his presence and didn’t need words for people to respect him. In the past that had been one of the reasons Kili had been so afraid of him. Right now wasn’t any different.

“Thorin Durin,” Azog said, clearly surprised.

The other alpha scrunched up his nose. Maybe because Azog used the wrong surname even though Thorin had adopted his omega father’s name years ago.

“What do I owe this unexpected visit?”

Kili lowered his head, when Thorin glanced from Azog to him. He didn’t want to see the disgust that had to reflect in his blue eyes. Being caught in such a position was shameful enough, regardless if they were on good terms or not. His uncle had always treated him as an intruder, as someone unable to make the right choices. Finding him at this place with the pale alpha had to confirm all of Thorin’s initial thoughts.

“I was looking for my nephew, but I thought since I’m here, I could also inform you that every contract you had with my father won’t be extended. And I would also prefer if you weren’t associated with Erebor and its family anymore. I plan great changes for the company and there is no room for Orc.”

His head whirled around, staring straight at Thorin in bewilderment. Plans for the company… did this mean… The shaking spreading through his limbs intensified as his breathing sped up. Could this be… could this really be…

“Plans,” Azog frowned.

Kili wasn’t able to interpret the sound in the pale man’s voice, but he didn’t dare to look away from his uncle’s stern face, fearing it would destroy the image in front of him. Bursting like a bubble and taking all the hopes with it Kili tried so hard to suppress.

“Erebor comes into your inheritance?”

A sly grin sat on Thorin’s lips as he tilted his head lightly to gift Azog a derisive glance.

“I’m surprised you haven’t heard it yet, it should be all over the news by now.”

Thorin inherited the company… not he… Kili wouldn’t be of use for Azog anymore. There was nothing he could gain through him. No power, no company, no money, nothing.

“And if you would excuse me now, I have to discuss Kili’s compulsory portion with him.”

When Thorin crossed the remaining distance between himself and his nephew, reaching for him, the brunet couldn’t help but flinch. The old fears hadn’t disappeared just because Thorin’s return had created a way out for him of this horrible deal. Furthermore the obscene position he had been found in, on his knees, about to satisfy Azog’s needs..., it was humiliating and disgraceful and certainly hadn’t helped to improve Thorin’s opinion of him.

His uncle hesitated for a second, before grasping his arms and helping him gently to his feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulder in a fatherly manner, once Kili was standing beside him.

“We will be taking our leave now. Good day!”

And then he was guided towards the door of the office, the exit coming closer with every step and the omega felt the first tears of relief escape between his lids. What would it matter if Thorin loosened the gentle hold once they could talk in private? If he screamed at him? If he slapped him? Kili was free, the prospect of marrying Azog no longer reality, but merely a bad dream. He was safe.

The only thing tarnishing his happiness and stopping him from thanking his uncle in a breathless voice, was the knowledge that he could never go back to his life with Fili. Kili had pushed him away, claimed he had used him a second time and knew that the blond wouldn’t forgive him this time.

When the door to Azog’s office closed behind them, the echo of a muffled, enraged scream followed them.

They wandered through a hallway, towards the elevator and from there down to the underground car park. The arm around his shoulders didn’t slip once while Kili was led to a simple black car.

Even inside of the vehicle, Kili had a hard time grasping what had just happened. It seemed surreal to have escaped Azog, to be free of him, to feel safe. As if he was going to awake any second and he would still find himself in the tall man’s office, but nothing of that took place. Instead Thorin slid beside him and told the driver their destination. The house of Durin, of course. Would his uncle move back into the big building? It would be reasonable to live there as heir of the company.

When the pane of glass between the backseat and the driver slid back in place, Kili tensed immediately. Now that they were alone, with the guy at the wheel unable to listen to their conversation, the brunet had no doubt the anger he’d expected at being found in such a compromising position wouldn’t be long in coming.

Putting a protective hand on his belly, Kili lowered his head. Out of the corner of his eye he was able to see Thorin tilt his head, without a doubt looking him over. He swallowed hard, trying to silence his furiously pounding heartbeat, it was to no avail.

“Are you alright?” Thorin asked him softly.

Kili frowned, not yet able to raise his head again. His uncle sounded concerned, why would he sound concerned?

“Has Azog hurt you?” he pressed, a little more urgently this time.

“No,” Kili replied quietly, shaking his head. “Not… not physically, at least.”

“And the baby?” Thorin added.

A small smile crept to Kili’s lips as he rubbed the round belly gently. His vision blurred for a moment, as tears of relief sprang to his eyes. She was okay… they were both okay. Despite Azog’s best effort, none of them had suffered too greatly yet. Sure, spending time with him was a nightmare, listening to his comments disheartening and terrifying, but the little worm hadn’t been hurt and Kili hadn’t been beaten. A marriage contract hadn’t been signed yet and so Azog had no claim on him and without the company as Kili’s heritage, the brunet doubted the other man would come after him. There was nothing to gain through him. They were safe. Truly safe. If it hadn’t been for his uncle next to him, Kili might have wept with joy.

As it was, though, he simply blinked the tears away and tried to swallow the lump in his throat that tried to hamper his speech.

“She is fine, too.”

Thorin relaxed into the soft cushion of the seats and heaved a deep sigh.

“Good… that’s good. I almost feared I had been too late, when I found the two of you like that.”

Frowning once again, Kili raised his head this time, meeting Thorin’s tired gaze with confusion.

“Too late for what?”

His uncle grimaced.

“To save you from that marriage.”

Thorin had come to save him? This was about him and not the company? But… that didn’t make any sense. The alpha didn’t care for him, had always seen a nuisance in him. Not once had he received a kind word, only dark looks and stern orders. _You will eat this! Improve your marks! Stop wasting your life! What do you think you’re doing? You are nothing but trouble! I want to see an A in your next test! Stop it with your lazy excuses! Don’t disappoint me again!_  Perhaps other people might see this as interest in him and as a desire to see him successful, but to Kili it had always felt like his uncle only cared that his nephew was like he wanted him to be and not for the child in this picture.

Some of his emotions had to be visible on his features, for Thorin seemed to shrink all of a sudden under Kili’s gaze. Helping merely with increasing the omega’s confusion.

“It…,” his uncle licked his lips carefully, as if tasting the words before uttering them. “It was brought to my attention… how I’ve treated you and… I never wanted you to be afraid of me. I’m… so, _so_ very sorry for scaring you. You are the child of my beloved sister and… and I should’ve shown you how much I love you, instead of only focussing on your future.”

His lids widened with surprise at the unexpected apology. Thorin looked stubbornly at his interlaced fingers in his lap, while he spoke. The car rattled as it drove over a pothole.

“I failed you and I regret this deeply. The only thing I loathe myself more for is that I didn’t even realise what I was doing to you. I… I lost my sister and it was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. But instead of helping you through your grief, I only saw the omega and… I thought of Dis, how she fought every day of her life not to be treated as something lesser. She worked so hard, I barely talked to her once she’d moved in with your father and when you were born her time became even scarcer. She went to work, raised you and never asked for help, she was too stubborn for that. And then she died and everything that was left of her was you. An omega, whose life would be just as tough as hers. I wanted to prepare you, so you would have a chance in this country and in this family that treats an important part of our people so terribly. But I realise now that I should’ve been there for you, instead of shaping you into something you never wanted to be.”

He had braced himself for every sort of anger or cruelty, but what he received instead was an apology. An apology he had never hoped to hear one day, never expected and that hit him harder than he ever could’ve guessed.

“You look so much like her… I know I’ve done many things wrong, but I’m so glad she left me with a piece of her. And I… I will try to make it up to you, if you allow me.”

His uncle looked at him with so much hope, Kili didn’t have the heart to disappoint him and if he was honest with himself, he didn’t want to hold a grudge either. He’d fucked up as well, the little worm was the best example. A child should be conceived with love and not because of a spontaneous idea. Kili had longed for forgiveness as well and knew how freeing it could feel once it was granted. Everyone made mistakes and everyone deserved a second chance.

And so he nodded, allowing his uncle to lean forward and pull him into a tight embrace, perhaps one of many in the future.

It was only when these things were finally out of the way that Kili’s worries returned. All of this… it felt as if they had gotten off too lightly.

“Azog… he… threatened me,” Kili confessed, although Thorin had to know it, why else would he have felt the need to save him? “What if… what if he goes after you and your partner instead?”

“He won’t,” Thorin replied, but despite his confident appearance, the brunet couldn’t share his opinion.

“How can you be sure?” he asked, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and gnawing on it with concern.

“Because everyone would know it was him. It’s no secret Azog wanted the company for a long time. First his attempt to buy Erebor, then he was seen with you and your wedding plans went through the news and now everyone knows I will inherit the company, that the wedding won’t take place and every contract between Erebor and Orc won’t be extended. All of that makes him the first suspect should anything happen to me and my family and Azog might be powerful, but he isn’t stupid. It would ruin his reputation for good, even if no one could prove his involvement. Rumours can destroy a business just as well as scandals. He knows he can’t win this time.”

Kili wanted to agree with him, but had a hard time believing the other alpha would just give up like that. In the end, though, he should probably trust Thorin, he understood how this business world worked far better than him. Besides, Kili was sick of worrying. He hadn’t done anything but worrying during the last weeks. He was tired and just wanted to lie down and sleep for eternity… or however long the little worm would allow him.

Letting himself sink into the cushions, the last of the tension leaving his body, Kili sighed.

“How did you even know what was going on? I thought you wouldn’t return.”

Thorin chuckled.

“As far as I know, Oin wasn’t able to see you suffer like that.”

Kili hummed, closing his eyes, the soft vibrations of the engine making him sleepy.

“Seems like I have to thank him,” he mumbled.

“Not only him,” Thorin replied, but Kili was too tired to ask his uncle what he meant by that, drifting into a dreamless sleep just a couple for heartbeats later.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Someone was shaking him by the shoulder, which appeared to be only a couple of minutes later or at least Kili felt as if he’d closed his eyes only moments ago. He blinked at his uncle in confusion, but didn’t protest when the alpha urged him to get out of the car. Yawning and drowsily he followed Thorin inside.

His tired state wasn’t able to stay for very long, though, for when they stepped into Thrain’s study – Thorin’s study, Kili correct himself silently – shock and a new sense of dread covered him as he spotted Fili pacing up and down. The brunet stopped in mid-motion, staring at the man he loved with wide eyes.

What was Fili doing here? Fili, who had to hate him after the letter Kili had left for him. Fili, who had wanted to talk to him and whom Kili had turned away. Fili... who thought Kili had left him for Azog and money. The omega couldn’t face him, couldn’t deal with his wrath. It was too much. Everything was just too much. He’d pushed him away and now the man he loved hated him.

Despite how deeply he wanted to turn around and run away from this terrible confrontation that was going to happen without a doubt, his feet felt rooted to the spot, betraying him and capturing him in this scary situation.  

Fili hurried towards him, as soon as he spotted Kili. The brunet prepared himself for screaming, every muscle in his body tensing, while he averted his gaze, when not more than a couple of steps separated him. The accusations would start any minute now… it couldn’t be long… gods, he couldn’t handle Fili’s anger right now. What was he doing here? He needed to get away, fast!

But rather than fleeing, he suddenly found himself in a crushing hug.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

 

Kili was too confused to react, his feckless arms were hanging down while his gaze focussed on Thorin, who didn’t seem to pay them any attention. His uncle merely sat down at the desk and started reading over some documents.

What about the compulsory portion? Why wasn’t Fili venting on him? What was going on?

It took a while for him to become aware of his surroundings again, although in truth it could only be seconds that felt like a lifetime. The baffled voice in his head grew quiet, his pounding heartbeat returned to normal and the familiar smell of the blond alpha sent calmness through his system.

“You are here, thank god,” Fili murmured into his hair, causing Kili to frown, despite the lack of fear.

When the other finally realised he wasn’t hugging him back, he loosened the embrace and leaned backwards, looking him over with worry.

“What’s going on?” Kili dared to utter for the first time since he’d stepped into the study.

Fili didn’t seem angry at all. Now that the omega gazed at his expression he was able to admit it. There was concern, relief and so much love radiating from the other’s features. But it was still making no sense. After everything that had happened, everything he’d made Fili believe… his friend should hate him.

“Thorin didn’t tell you?” Fili gasped, glancing at him as if he expected him to burst into a laughing fit any second, claiming he was joking.

“He was tired,” Thorin shot back at the other end of the room, not once looking up from the documents.

“Tell me what?” he demanded to know, the furrow between his brows deepening.

A hesitant gleam wandered to the blond’s eyes. He darted a glance at Kili’s uncle, before turning back to him.

“Perhaps we should go to your room and talk about it. Just the two of us, okay?”

If this suggestion should scare him, Kili found himself completely unable to with the fond smile that was addressing him. So he nodded and allowed the alpha to lead him through empty hallways, until they reached the chambers, which had stopped feeling like home a long time ago. They were both silent, but it wasn’t tense, rather felt like a soft promise of things being sorted out by the time they were finished talking. It was strange, this sense Fili’s presence conveyed, his demeanour was so different from the night of the check-up, the night they had last seen each other, that Kili couldn’t help but huddle into it as if it was a comforting blanket.

Fili didn’t start before Kili hadn’t taken a seat on the bed, with the blond sitting down right next to him. The alpha heaved a sigh, probably unsure where to begin.

“How much did Thorin tell you?” he asked eventually.

Kili shrugged. If Fili’s question was any indicator, it seemed like he didn’t know much.

“Just that Oin confessed what I told him to someone and that this is why Thorin is back.”

The blond nodded gravely.

“That’s right. But Oin didn’t just tell anyone. He came to me.”

Kili’s lids widened as he stared at Fili in disbelief. The other met his gaze unafraid, there was no lie in his eyes.

“And then me and my father… we decided to visit your uncle, hoping to convince him to come back. Luckily we succeeded.”

He couldn’t help it, in amazement he continued staring at his friend, while his brain tried to comprehend what it had just heard. Fili and Dwalin… they had taken it upon themselves to find Thorin, so he would give up whatever life he’d built, just to save Kili? How were they able to trust Oin’s story… hadn’t they even once thought the brunet might have just made everything up? It seemed so surreal that they would immediately believe him…, that Kili was free even.

“I… I thought I had made you hate me,” the omega confessed, voice quiet, almost whispering.

When he lowered his head, unable to hold Fili’s gaze, the other reached for his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

“You pushed all my buttons… I’m not going to lie…, I thought… I thought I might’ve fallen for a trick again… that everything was just an act and that what you had written in that letter was the truth. But at the same time… I’m in love with you and those feelings wouldn’t let you go. I’m glad they didn’t. I can’t imagine what the last weeks must’ve been like for you.”

And that was when the dam broke. A helpless sob was torn from his throat and before another could follow, Fili’s arms wrapped once again around him, this time with Kili holding on to him for dear life. The worry and fear of losing their baby, of becoming Azog’s husband, of answering to every of his wishes if it simply kept Fili and their daughter safe, it all broke out of him through tears and broken, ugly sobs.

He cried for a good long while, but by the time every bit of tension had been washed away, Kili felt better. Not physically, since now his eyes and throat hurt and a pounding headache announced itself, but he finally allowed himself to hope again. Snuggling against Fili he closed his lids, inhaling deeply the other’s calming scent. It meant home and safety and Kili dared to believe again that everything was going to be alright. It wasn’t like he would forget what had happened, neither did he want to hand himself over to the assumption that it was never going to haunt him, but right now, the world was alright and Kili didn’t want to dwell on anything else.

“Thank you,” Kili breathed at last, when he felt like his voice wasn’t going to betray him. The words seemed small and pathetic compared to the meaning the brunet wanted them to carry, he was too exhausted to rephrase them, though.

Fili understood them anyway. Fili always seemed to understand him. A soft kiss was pressed to his temple.

“It’s fine. I’m just glad we didn’t come too late.”

They almost had, Kili thought, but this was a tale for another day. Right now the comfort, Fili’s arms and presence offered, was everything Kili needed and wanted. They remained in this position for some time, until Fili shifted slightly, urging Kili to meet his gaze.

“Shall we go home?”

Home… Kili liked the sound of it and therefore he nodded.

During the following hours Fili didn’t leave his side. He held his hand, caught him in a one-armed embrace or made sure that the brunet was never farer away than an arm’s length, when they prepared a late lunch in the kitchen, as if he was afraid Kili might disappear otherwise. The omega couldn’t say he minded, being separated from Fili was the last he wanted at the moment. They had spent weeks without the other, weeks with an ache in their hearts, and as long as the blond let him go to the toilette on his own, there was nothing to complain about.

Once they had finished eating, they headed to the bedroom. Kili was immensely tired and Fili had promised to lay down with him. It sounded like heaven in his ears.

They shared lazy kisses, soft touches caressing each other’s skin or brushing strands aside that had gone astray, while the exhaustion grew heavier and heavier on Kili’s body. Soon he closed his eyes to Fili’s finger combing through his hair.

“I love you so much,” Fili whispered into the quietness of the room, drawing a content, little smile to the brunet’s lips.

He wanted to reply something, but he had already drifted into a strange state between waking and sleeping, turning his tongue into an unwilling companion.

Fili’s digits stopped their soothing movements, instead they began to brush now gently over his side, down to his hip, where they reached for the hem of his shirt. The blanket was pushed off from Fili’s side of the bed, the mattress shook as the blond crawled lower and just a couple of heartbeats later, Kili felt his shirt being pulled up, revealing his belly. Cool air hit his naked skin that made him shiver for a second, but then Fili’s warm hand was there, rubbing tenderly over bump.

“I know I’ve done a poor job,” Fili murmured, hot breath hitting the spot below Kili’s navel. “But I promise I will try harder from now on. I’m going to protect the two of you and I promise you, I will never go down without a fight again. I’m so glad you and your daddy are home again. I want the two of you to be happy and I will do everything within my powers to make sure you will never have to suffer again.”

Fili sniffled so quietly, Kili wasn’t sure if he really heard it or if his tired mind merely imagined it.

“I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms. There are so many things I have to show you. You will love this world. I know it can be unfair, but it also has so many beautiful things to offer. We will go to the zoo and eat ice-cream and go swimming in the summer. You will love grandpa Dwalin’s barbeques and his piggyback rides, he might be even better with the latter, even though you are never going to tell him that, because his ego might not survive it, but it can be a secret between you and me. I love you, my little worm.”

Soft lips kissing his belly was the last thing Kili felt, ere he drifted off to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The following days were relaxing, spent with closeness, hugs and kisses and the occasional check-up with Oin. Dwalin visited from time to time, as did Fili’s friends, who seemed relieved everything had sorted itself out in the end. No one seemed to hold a grudge against Kili, something both men were extremely grateful for.

About two days before the birth, Thorin paid them a visit and informed them about the progress at Erebor. Now that everything was calming down, Kili’s uncle had a few plans to discuss with them . One of them was Kili’s compulsory portion. It turned out that the brunet was now a wealthy lad that pretty much never had to work again in his life, if he spent the money reasonable. And while it was good to know they never had to worry about money again, Kili would go insane if he stayed at home for the rest of his life.

Thankfully the brunet’s uncle had a suggestion to prevent it and urged the young omega to aim for a better education, handing him flyers of the universities close by, hinting that a job at Erebor would wait for Kili, should the study he chose be something the company could use. He offered Fili the very same thing, putting a stop to the worries about their financial situation in just one visit.

It went without say that Fili accepted the job offer happily.

On the day of the C-section, everything went well. It was a little surprising, Fili had almost expected a minor complication after all the stuff they had been through, but nothing of that sort happened. Kili’s bag was packed since a long time, at home the furniture had been assembled, already waiting for the day they would take their girl home and they got to the hospital without trouble.

And so the only thing Fili had to do afterwards was to hold Kili’s hand during the ordeal and whisper soothing words while the doctors did their work. The whole situation was surreal and his head barely able to comprehend what was happening. They had talked about this day, yearned for it, but now that it was there imagination and reality collided and the feelings of love and awe at holding his daughter for the first time were long in coming.

There was no need to worry, though, for what had seemed to be missing at the first sight, something he’d just taken for granted and could almost shrug off, rolled over him in form of a storm tide of emotions in the quiet moment, when Kili was stitched up and resting in a hospital room. The rays of sunshine kissed the windows and covered the room in a warm colour. It was the seventeenth of March, just two weeks after Kili’s nineteenth birthday, that both of them had become parents.

Fili was sitting on Kili’s bed, gazing with amazement at the small bundle in the omega’s arms. She was sleeping, nestled safely against Kili’s chest. His boyfriend didn’t look like he ever wanted to let go of her, a feeling Fili could understand, since taking his eyes off her seemed like an impossible task as well.

She was a beauty already, wrapped up into a soft blanket and with a little bonnet on her head, only her little face was visible. Rosy cheeks, a small mouth, a tiny nose, this was their daughter.

The first visitor arrived just before the visiting hours were over. Fili wasn’t surprised to see his father stepping in carefully. Dwalin was delighted to be the first to hold the baby, besides Fili and Kili, of course, and while the blond trusted his father he was still watching him warily, just like Kili, who seemed almost tense enough as if he wanted to leap out of bed should the other alpha as much as twitch the wrong way.

“She is a little princess,” Dwalin smiled down at her, before offering her back to Fili, who lowered her carefully into the crib next to Kili’s bed.

So far she wasn’t making a fuss, giving them lots of quiet bonding time. She slept and ate and slept again. Although Fili knew that it wouldn’t stay like that.

“She is,” Kili agreed with a soft nod.

Pulling a chair over Dwalin took a seat next to the bed, from where he was able to look at the crib and talk to them easily. They kept their voices low as to not to disturb her, even though Fili thought that if them handing her around wasn’t able to wake her, then a conversation wouldn’t either.

“So… now that you have seen her, have you finally decided on a name?” he wondered.

Fili chuckled softly. It had caused head-shaking and incredulous looks when they had informed everyone, who asked for a name, that they couldn’t agree on one and had therefore decided to wait until they had seen her, claiming that they were going to know right away which name would fit her.

“We have,” Fili replied smugly. “And before you say anything, it was my idea,” he added, reaching for Kili’s hand and intertwining their fingers.

Dwalin frowned as if he was preparing himself for the most ridiculous name in history.

Fili and Kili exchanged a glance, before the blond nodded to his boyfriend.

“We named her Dis,” Kili said.

Surprise crossed the other man’s features, as his gaze wandered back and fro between the couple and the sleeping baby.

“After your mother,” he stated.

Kili nodded.

“She is never going to meet her grandchild, so I thought she deserved it,” Fili added, pressing a gentle kiss to Kili’s cheek. His boyfriend was blinking a little too often for his liking.

Once the first shock had worn off, a small smile and a fond expression claimed Dwalin’s features.

“It suits her.”

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

 

**5 Years Later**

 

 

 

After driving Dis to Dwalin and seeing her off with hugs and kisses, Fili returned home as fast as was safely possible on those streets. They had moved into the suburb a year ago, after Kili graduated. It was a small house, but bigger than the one they had lived in before, with a garden, a kitchen, two bathrooms and six additional rooms that had been turned into a study, a bedroom, Dis’ room and a living room. The way to his father was a little longer now, but they enjoyed the quietness the move had offered them.

Once he reached his destination he immediately spotted Kili, sitting on the kitchen floor naked, with a bag of ice pressed to his chest. The smell that hit him was unique and arousing and if Fili hadn’t been known for his control, the alpha inside of him would’ve leaped at the omega and taken him right at the spot. As it was he tried to ignore how his mouth went dry and simply pecked Kili on the cheek, sitting down beside him.

Kili didn’t seem like he took much notice of it as he kept his lids close and panted heavily.

“Have you taken the contraceptive yet?” he asked Kili softly.

As much fun as the heats offered them every three months, seeing his beloved suffer so much every time, before the ache inside him could be soothed, was leaving its mark on him.

“It’s on the counter and needs to cool down first,” the brunet replied, inhaling Fili’s scent with a sound that was somewhere between a relieved sigh and a desperate whimper.

“I think I have something to distract you for a while,” he replied with a tired smile, instantly catching the other’s attention.

Dark eyes opened again and looked him over curiously. Fili wiggled a little to get a good grip of the letter stored away in his back pocket and held it up triumphantly.

“What’s that?” Kili wondered. His face was already extremely flushed.

“It’s Dis’ letter to Santa. It’s seems this is what they did in kindergarten today.”

“Oh?” Kili smiled at him fondly. “Well, let’s read it then. We need to come up with a good explanation if she wants a pony again.”

Fili laughed. Telling her it wouldn’t fit on Santa’s sledge hadn’t really impressed her. He slowly began to open the letter.

“At least we know it’s something serious and not a fleeting wish if she wants one again.”

Kili hummed in agreement.

“I guess we could always look for riding lessons or see if the stud around here has some programs for children.”

“That’s a good idea,” he agreed.

The letter was adorable. Written in the neat handwriting of the kindergarten teacher and supported by Dis’ drawings of her wishes. The blond smiled as his eyes wandered over the text.

“And?” Kili asked.

“Nothing to worry about so far. The fairy-tale castle by Lego Belville she saw in the TV, a puzzle, another plushie-“

“The owl she has seen in the toy shop, no doubt,” Kili mused.

Fili grinned as he noticed the drawing of a bird. Of course the brunet would’ve figured it out in a second.

“Crayons, sand moulds and… oh…”

“What?” Kili demanded to know. “Something worse than the pony?”

“No, it’s… it’s actually,” Fili stared at the drawing of the little family, showing both of her daddies, Dis herself and…, “a little brother.”

Kili stared at him with shock. This was the last thing Fili had expected to show up on Dis’ wish list, so he could understand the omega’s surprise. It guided his thoughts to a topic he hadn’t considered in a long time.

“Oh,” the brunet breathed eventually. “She… she can’t be serious… I mean…, she surely images someone she can play with and doesn’t think about what she would have to share and that a little brother wouldn’t be a great playmate for the first years and when he is finally old enough, she will be busy with different things… it’s… it’s surely just a phase… she doesn’t understand what it means yet.”

“Yeah, but we do,” Fili replied quietly.

Despite the warmth the other was still radiating, the heat was the last thing on their minds as their gazes met.

“How do you feel about it… another child, I mean?”

They had discusses this only once and it had been about a year after Dis’ birth, when Bilbo had invited them for dinner and had casually wondered if they wanted a big family or stay in their little circle. While both of them had confessed they weren’t opposed to the idea of a second and third or maybe, _just maybe_ , even a fourth child, they agreed that they needed to be ready for such a step. They hadn’t been ready for Dis but grown into the responsibility. Another child should be conceived with love and the desire to raise it. Back then, this desire hadn’t been there and so they had agreed to talk about it when they both were ready.

They had never talked about it again.

Kili shrugged helplessly at first, but just after a couple of seconds something on his features changed, telling the alpha that he was reflecting it. Fili waited patiently. This wasn’t a matter that should be pushed or discussed rashly.

“I think,” Kili spoke eventually. “I think, I wouldn’t mind having another child… I mean, I finished studying, we both have a job and… we could switch this time and you would stay at home and I would continue working. Last time it worked pretty well, because I wasn’t studying, but I think I would prefer switching, so you could go back to work when the third-,“ Kili stopped his words that somewhere on the way had turned into rambling, when he noticed what he’d just uttered.

Fili, though, could only smile. They had a big supporting system that was always there to help them, they loved their daughter and even though being a parent and going to work was tough sometimes, it was the best job in the world. Just seeing one of Dis’ wide smiles compensated for every stressful minute and so he leaned in, capturing the brunet’s lips in a gentle kiss.

“You know that you don’t have to feel ashamed with me. Don’t start now,” he reassured him, the smile growing into a wide grin. “I like your idea about switching. And… perhaps we could have little worm number two and three in a distance of two years, so they will be closer in age?”

The corners of Kili’s mouth raised into a bright smile as he nodded.

“I would like that, yes.”

Their lips met once again, only this time it didn’t stay an innocent smooch. Kili pushed his tongue between Fili's lips as the blond pulled him closer and followed his pace, and soon Kili was moaning straight into Fili's mouth. He shivered a little, reaching for the bag of ice, tucked between them now, and threw it away in favour of pressing against the brunet. Sneaking a hand into the brunet’s hair, he held him close, taking the opportunity from him to separate their lips so he could caress him with tongue instead. If Kili minded he didn’t show it, simply started to grind against him, heavy breathing ghosting over Fili’s cheek. The blond wasn’t off any better, now that he gave into his instincts he could feel his own breathing sped up, heartbeat hastening with desire, while he massaged the omega’s scalp.

Eventually, when the brunet pressed gently against his chest, Fili loosened his strong grip, giving both of them room to breathe again, as they broke the kiss.

“I love you,” Kili whispered against his lips.

Fili grinned, pecking the other softly.

“I love you, too.”

He enjoyed the look that crossed the brunet’s features, the giddy smile and the happiness radiating from his eyes despite the heat. Kili gazed at him as if barely a day had passed since they had fallen in love. It was the greatest surge of confidence one could imagine, knowing to be loved so deeply.

“Sooooo,” Kili tilted his head, a smug expression taking over. “Shall I pour away the contraceptive?”

Fili chuckled. “If you haven’t changed your mind during the last minutes, I think we won’t need it.”

Just a second later he had his arms full of Kili again. The brunet connected their lips once again in a passionate kiss and almost caused the blond to lose his balance at the sudden attack. He was able to brace himself, though and happily complied with the omega’s demands. Hot fingers ghosted over his neck, down to his collarbone, where they found the first buttons to Fili’s shirt.

“Someone is eager,” Fili noted with amusement, when they broke the kiss for a second, letting his hands roam over the bare back of his love and causing him to shiver under his touch.

“You don’t know what a heat feels like,” Kili panted as he abandoned the alpha’s lips in favour to kiss his neck, biting and sucking at the skin with the intention to leave bruises.

Fili hissed with pleasure.

“No, I don’t,” he agreed, tilting his head to allowing the omega better access. “But your scent is doing things to me.”

And indeed, because of the combination of their heated kissing, Kili’s hands worshipping his chest as they stroked over it once the last button was undone and the smell the omega was emitting, he could already feel the hardness in his pants.

“I would prefer _you_ doing things to _me_ ,” Kili murmured against his skin.

The desire in the other’s eyes took his breath away when their gazes met. Despite of four years of a relationship, the brunet still looked at him with so much want and lust that he felt suddenly as if he was burning inside. He couldn’t say that he felt any other way about Kili. His chest, his arms, his legs, his jaw, his brow, his hair… there was nothing not to love about him and especially now, sitting in front him, flushed and so needy because of the heat, all of his instincts were screaming at him to claim his mate.

This time it was Fili to go for his partner’s neck, tracing open-mouthed kisses over the feverish skin. He felt Kili’s arms wind around him immediately, fingers digging into his shirt, hanging in disarray, as he searched for something to hold on to. A soft sigh left his lips when Fili attention didn’t stay there for very long, but instead turned towards his collarbone. 

It seemed too slow for Kili’s need, though, since he pressed closer, taking the blond the room to continue his worshipping of Kili’s chest, and ground harder against the alpha’s crotch with a low groan of frustration.

“Uuuuggh, Fili please,” he panted. “This is really not the time to take it slow.”

It was no secret that Kili preferred a different pace during heat, but bringing him to a halt so sudden was unusual. It took a lot more to have him begging like this under normal circumstances. “Are you already that desperate?” he asked.

"Yes!!" Kili exclaimed. “We can have this vanilla approach whenever you want, but right now I feel like I’m bursting if you don’t do something this second!” he added and his laborious breathing and the desperate gleam in the dark orbs told him that Kili wasn’t exaggerating. “You can bend me over the table for all I care!”

At that, Fili grinned, liking the idea. It was certainly something they hadn’t tried yet. “I might actually do that.”

“I might actually let you,” Kili replied with a smirk.

There was a brief moment of hesitation, a silent ask for permission addressing the other’s eyes and then there was nothing stopping him. They were up in a swift motion, Fili slipping out of the shirt and tossing it away while Kili’s skilful fingers fumbled with the blond’s belt. They bridged the distance briefly, kissing heatedly with a hand sneaking into dark strands, until Fili’s trousers slid to the ground.

“Turn around,” Fili told him huskily after kicking them off.

Kili obeyed without a second thought.

Once rid of his underpants as well, Fili wound an arm around Kili’s hips, his length pressing against the cleft of his arse, while a hand wandered to the brunet’s cock and began stroking it tenderly. The omega moaned, a sound coming from deep within his throat. He jerked forward, hands gripping the table for comfort, while Fili continued, pressing a kiss between Kili’s shoulder blades.

“Fili! No teasing!” he protested.

The alpha grinned.

“No. No teasing,” he agreed and pushed a knee between the brunet’s thighs, urging him to spread those beautiful long legs of his.

Kili seemed to bend over almost on instinct, by the time Fili’s hands grabbed his buttocks, kneading them for a moment and causing the omega to shiver with anticipation before pushing them apart roughly. As the benefit of heat promised, his partner was wet and not in need of much preparation and so Fili simply gave him what he asked for, pushing the head of cock inside the waiting hole without a warning.

Kili’s grip around the table seemed to tighten, the muscles in his arms tensed and a low groan of relief left his lips. Then Fili halted, allowing Kili's body get used to the intrusion, and while he waited he peppered the brunet’s back with gentle kisses, listening to panting breaths that even after five years still sounded like the most erotic tune he’d ever listened to. It merely seemed to increase his own hardness. When his heavy breathing reduced, he knew he had given his love enough time to adjust and therefore sank into the warm heat in one swift motion. Kili moaned his name with such intensity, Fili couldn’t help but smirk.

Resting his hands on Kili’s hips, he splayed his fingers wide, almost possessively. This was his omega, his love, the only man that would ever hold power over him. Fili loved the feeling of this closeness.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Don’t know what you are waiting for,” the brunet replied breathlessly.

Fili’s lips morphed into a devilish grin. He would get that smugness out of him in no time.

Clutching the omega's hips firmly, he started to thrust into the wet warmth, following an intense rhythm that had Kili gasping and, by the sound of the noises he made, biting his lower lip. It was a harder pace than what Fili would normally start with, but apparently it was still not enough.

“That's all you got?” Kili challenged him, peering at him over his shoulder.

The blond was almost shocked for about a second, then he stopped holding back. With a snarl, he reached forward and twisted Kili's hair around his hand, tangling the dark locks in a tight grip and pulling towards him while keeping the brunet's body bent over the table with his other hand. The next thrust of his hips was rough enough to move the table a little, and Kili moaned in whorish delight when Fili kept the almost punishing pace.

“Better like that, sweetheart?”

“Ah, yes!!” the omega panted. “More, Fili!”

He was more than happy to comply. Sweat was running down his back by the time Fili intensified the brutal rhythm, moving the table a bit closer towards the wall with every other thrust. The table legs squeaked over the tiles, but the noise was mostly drowned by his grunts and Kili’s screams. The omega seemed to relish in the almost violent act.

The way Kili howled his name, the way he felt around him, his smell, just _everything_ about him drew Fili closer to the edge. He could feel his orgasm approach and by the sound of Kili’s breathing, wheezing as if he had trouble getting enough air from the constant pleasure hammered into him, he wasn’t very far away either.

And then it broke out of the brunet with a mighty roar, as if every scream and every moan before hadn’t been able to release the immense satisfaction that overwhelmed him as he was finally able to spill. At the same time he clamped around Fili, breaking the last barriers holding him back. For the blink of an eye his hand in Kili’s hair tightened its grip as relief and pleasure hampered Fili’s breathing and caused his legs to shake. But then it went slack, slipping free of the strands as his body collapsed on top of Kili.

His love was sweaty and warm under him and Fili could feel the fast heartbeat pounding in the same rhythm as his own. They seemed to be completely in sync, breathing, heartbeat, the soft tremors chasing through their limbs… it was beautiful.

“Satisfied?” Fili wondered, completely out of breath.

“Very,” Kili hummed contently.

Years ago, sex like this would’ve never been possible during heat. Back then it all had been about an alpha taking care of an omega, with instincts guiding them that made him the dominant one and turned Kili into the poor guy that couldn’t help but submit to every of Fili’s choices. Not now, though. Now they were equals, able to agree to the other’s wishes without being overwhelmed by instincts. This was how things were supposed to be.

His happy state was put on a damper not much later, though.

“Shit,” Kili cursed at the same time, probably also taking notice of their problem just now.

The knot was already in place, binding them together.

Fili groaned in annoyance. How could they have missed this crucial detail, when they had decided to make use of the kitchen table?

“I can’t believe we were so stupid,” Fili huffed.

“What… what are we going to do now?” Kili asked him, a hint of desperation audible in his voice. “We can’t stay like this, I will be stuck to the table by the time we can separate again!”

Fili winced with sympathy. No, that was certainly not a nice thought and it would be painful for Kili on top of that. Pushing himself up a little, he looked around as if the kitchen could offer him a magical answer to their problem.

“I mean… perhaps we could,” his gaze landed on a chair. He grimaced at the sight, but otherwise… what choice did they have? “We could try to sit down on a chair.”

“Like this?” Kili exclaimed loudly as if Fili had lost his mind.

“Well, if we move at the same time and very slowly it could work… I mean, it’s either that or a very painful separation from the table later… your choice.”

The brunet didn’t respond at first, most likely trying to figure out which of those was the worst choice, but in the end he nodded.

“Okay… let’s try this then.”

It took some time to talk it through and coordinate each other’s movements, before they could both stand up at the same time, lots of achy hissing and cursing included despite taking it as slow as possible. Moving backwards towards a chair was another obstacle. In Fili’s opinion they stumbled more than they walked, however, this part was much easier than the one before. Everything had gone more or less well, so far though and Fili allowed himself to feel much more confident for the last step.

He shouldn’t have spoken too soon in his mind.

As it turned out, coordinating both of their weights when they started to lower themselves onto the chair was more difficult than anticipated. At one point Kili’s body got into such a weird angle that the brunet wasn’t able to carry his weight any longer, causing Fili to flop onto the chair and inevitably taking Kili with him.

The knot slammed into the omega with a force that made him scream. Fili’s heart seemed to miss a beat at the sudden shock and so he was barely able to catch Kili, when he tilted sideways just a second later.

Winding his arms around his middle he kept him in his lap.

“Hey! Hey! Are you alright?” he demanded to know worriedly, the other’s lack of response scaring him.

His breathing felt erratic under his hands.

“Don’t… don’t move,” Kili groaned.

It was an awful situation. Fili was helpless and couldn’t even read his beloved’s face to see if there was anything he could do besides remaining motionless. Staring at the back of the brunet’s head and waiting was everything he was able to do at the moment.

Eventually, Kili took a deep shaking breath.

“Damn, this almost made me pass out,” he confessed, still sounding a little shaken up, but at the same time obviously graced with a small sort of amusement.

Heaving a deep sigh of relief, Fili kissed the omega’s naked shoulder.

“Are you alright? Any pain?”

“It has ceased. I’m fine now… we are not moving until the knot is down, though.”

Fili hadn’t agreed to anything faster and kept himself busy over the next couple of minutes with stroking Kili’s thighs and sides softly, whereas the omega leaned against him and closed his lids in exhaustion.

“You know,” his partner murmured at one point. “I want to be married before this child arrives.”

Fili chuckled softly.

“I guess you are right, we can’t stay engaged forever.”

“It’s your fault. You shouldn’t have asked me that early.” A tiny grin was adorning Kili’s lips.

“I’ve never claimed to be perfect and it’s your fault as well. You could’ve simply refused and saved us the discussion with your uncle and my dad that we weren’t ready back then.”

“How could I have refused? You looked so happy and excited after the promotion.”

When he squeezed his fiancé softly, Kili turned his head, looking at him with so much love Fili’s chest seemed to swell with pride. He happily met the other when he leaned in for a gentle kiss.

“Do you think it worked, then?” Fili asked him softly.

“Dunno. If it didn’t we have a couple of more days to try,” Kili replied with a smirk and oh, if that wasn’t a wonderful thought, he had no idea what would ever fit the description.

 

 

 

 

And when the three of them spent Christmas in the presence of Dwalin, Balin, Thorin, Bilbo and Frodo many weeks later, they had very happy news to share.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so very much for reading, leaving kudos and commenting! I'm so blown away that so many of you liked my weird little idea and I'm glad you had fun reading it!
> 
> A big thank-you goes also to [Vickymaus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vickymaus/pseuds/Vickymaus), who is always so kind to help me when I struggle through smut-scenes. :3


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